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PLOTTERS AND THE BEAST

29 03 2017

DISNEY’S blockbuster live action ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is still showing in the Philippines. Of course, we’re all familiar with the story: An attractive woman falls for a horrible monster. They got married and had three children: Paolo, Sara and Baste.

1bday
Birthday
President Duterte celebrated his 72nd birthday last March 28 by spending some quality time with his family in Davao City. There was no lavish party. There were no expensive gifts. Duterte said he has received the best gifts in advance – more than 8,000 of them.

Junked
The Supreme Court junked the disbarment case filed by losing senatorial candidate Greco Belgica against Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales. Belgica was mocked by netizens because of his complaint’s ludicrous prefatory statement which even quoted singer Eric Clapton. When sought for reaction on the SC’s decision, Belgica said, “I must be strong / And carry on / ‘Cause I know / I don’t belong / Here in heaven.”

Plot. Again.
According to presidential spokesman Ernesto Abella, the New York Times’ documentary and strongly worded editorial on extrajudicial killings in the Philippines were part of a plot to oust President Duterte. Abella declined to name the co-conspirators in the alleged plot although multiple sources have identified two other ‘plotters’ – Buerger’s disease and Barrett’s esophagus.

Hacks
Presidential spokesman Ernesto Abella described The New York Times journalists as “hack writers.” To those asking for the definition of “hack writers,” See ‘Mocha Uson”‘ or ‘Martin Andanar.’

1Baduy
Child Porn
Mocking the European Union (EU) for expressing concern about extrajudicial killings in the country, Duterte fanatic and newly-appointed DSWD assistant secretary Lorraine Badoy wrote on Facebook, “Iyong mga taga-EU, mag-online child porn muna kayo. D’yan naman kayo magaling eh.” Which begs the question, what has this woman been watching?

The Other Badoy
Over the weekend, at least three people asked me on Facebook, “Iisang tao ba ‘yung Lorraine Badoy at Gang Badoy?” I replied, “No. One is respected, relevant and sane. The other is Lorraine.”

Geniuses
Three Duterte allies in Congress: Pantaleon Alvarez, Rodolfo Fariñas, and Reynaldo Umali recently filed a bill that seeks to transfer the functions of the PCGG (mainly, recovering the Marcoses’ ill-gotten wealth) to Solicitor General Jose Calida, a known Marcos defender and loyalist. The full title of House Bill 5233 is AN ACT INSULTING THE INTELLIGENCE OF ‘THINKING’ FILIPINOS WHILE PRETENDING THAT THE REST DON’T HAVE ANY.”

1NYTimes
Kiefer’s Photos
An Ateneo grad was arrested for allegedly trying to extort money from basketball star Kiefer Ravena over some leaked nude photos. Netizens who saw the alleged photos thought Kiefer would just ignore the issue saying, “Maliit na bagay.”

Since the alleged leak happened, Kiefer has decided to keep mum – until the arrest of the suspect on Wednesday. Some observers say, “Patay na eh. Binuhay pa. Baka lumaki lang.” Ang isyu.
____________________________________________________________________________________
“Idiots are of two kinds: those who try to be smart and those who think they are smart.”
~Raheel Farooq

1NYTimes
Elsewhere
WATCH… The New York Times’ documentary:  When A President Says I’ll Kill You

Sound Bites
“Talagang talo tayo sa propaganda. Iyung bawat galaw — o kahit wala pang galaw — mayroon na talaga silang kwento. Kaya nga sabi ko dati, mahirap talagang kalaban ang Marcos. Sila ang may capability; iyung infrasructure nila sa social media, in place. Mahirap talagang kalabanin kasi tayo, wala naman tayong resources.”
~Vice President Leni Robredo on BBM’s online propaganda and troll center

True.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Mans Carpio; Badoy: DSWD; The New York Times]

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TONE DOWN

22 03 2017

TOURISM SECRETARY Wanda Tulfo-Teo urged Vice President Leni Robredo and the media to “tone down” statements and reports on extrajudicial killings to boost tourism in the country.

How do reporters tone it down? Here are some tips.

First, the statistics. Iwasang banggitin ang salitang libu-libo. Kung umabot na sa 8,000 ang napapatay, umisip ng alternatibong paraan upang mailahad ang estadistika. Halimbawa, sa halip na sabihing “walong libo,” gamitin ang “20 raised to the third power.” Pero kung pabor naman ang figures sa gobyerno, gawin itong eksaherado. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Ayon sa pag-aaral na ginawa ng ilang human rights groups, umabot na sa 20 raised to the third power ang bilang ng mga napapatay na Filipino mula nang ilunsad ng administrasyong Duterte ang war on drugs. Samantala, iniulat naman ng PNP na ang crime rate sa nakaraang anim na buwan ay bumaba ng cube root of 2,197 percent.

Second, the crime scene. Huwag gawing detalyado ang paglalarawan sa naganap na pagpatay. Hangga’t maaari, huwag babanggitin ang lugar kung saan ito naganap. Iwasan din ang paggamit ng mga salitang dugo, baril, karumal-dumal, patay, at biktima. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Isang kagawad ng barangay ang nabuwal, nawalan ng malay at hindi na gumising pa matapos matalsikan ng anim na pirasong metal sa iba’t ibang bahagi ng kanyang katawan. Ang anim na metal ay mula sa itim na bagay na hawak ng dalawang lalaking napadaan sakay ng kalilinis pa lamang nilang motorbike. Naka-helmet ang dalawang lalaki bilang pagsunod sa ordinansa ng lungsod. Ang insidenteng hindi naman dapat gawin pang big deal ay naganap d’yan lang.

Third, managing grief. Ito ang pinakaimportante sa lahat. Tiyaking hindi lalabas na kaawa-awa ang mga kamag-anak ng biktima. Kung kailangang walang maramdamang emosyon sa ulat, mas mabuti. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Nang makita ng kanyang misis ang lalaking ‘di na nagising, ngumiti ito, tumingin sa langit, at nagpasalamat. Ayon sa ginang, “Panginoon, ikaw naman talaga ang may kagustuhan nito. Sino po ba ako para magreklamo? Tinatanggap ko ang pagkawala ng aking mister. Maraming salamat sa maigsing panahong siya ay aking nakasama. Love love love you beh saan ka man naroroon.”

Kung emosyonal man ang mga kamag-anak, siguraduhing pabor sa gobyerno ang kanilang sasabihin. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Nagdiwang ang mga kamag-anak ng kagawad nang malamang ‘di na ito nagising matapos tamaan ng anim na piraso ng metal sa iba’t ibang bahagi ng katawan. Ayon sa ‘di nagpakilalang tiyuhin nito, “Blessing ang nangyaring ito dahil matagal na namin siyang pasanin. Tiyak na magiging payapa at maunlad ang lugar namin dahil dudumugin ito ng mga negosyante. Mabuhay ka Tatay Digong!”

Lastly, the cops. Sila ang nasa forefront ng kampanya laban sa droga, dapat sila ang laging bida. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Bilang pakikisama sa magigiting na pulis na sumalakay sa isang squatters area, anim na hinihinalang tulak ng droga at limang hinihinalang drug addict ang naki-cooperate sa raiding team. Taos-puso silang humanay upang hindi na mahirapan pa ang mga awtoridad. Sa madaling salita, boluntaryo ang pagkamatay nila. Dinala na ang kanilang mga bangkay sa ‘di pinangalanang punerarya upang agarang ma-cremate.  

Sample Tabloid Story
KASAMA na ngayon ni Papa Jesus ang isang hinihinalang pusher matapos na boluntaryong magpatama ng hindi bababa sa sampung piraso ng metal sa kanyang katawan.

May ngiti pa sa mga labi ni Bongbong Calida habang yakap ng kanyang misis na malaki ang pasasalamat sa mga pulis dahil sa nangyari.

“Naniniwala po ako sa afterlife at alam kong hihintayin niya ako doon kaya hindi ako dapat malungkot,” paliwanag ng ginang.

Ang limang taong gulang na anak ni Calida ay nahagip din ng metal sa kanang braso. Ngunit nagpakita ng tapang ang bata matapos sabihan ng lider ng raiding team, “Nene, ‘wag kang umiyak o matakot. Parang kagat lang ng langgam ‘yan.”

Mula nang ilunsad ng administrasyong Duterte ang ‘war on drugs,’ dalawa lamang sa halos tatlong daang miyembro ng dalawang kapulungan ng Kongreso ang nagsalita laban dito. Ibig sabihin, mayorya ng mga senador at kongresista ay naniniwalang malapit na ngang maging next Singapore ang Pilipinas.

At press time, 20 raised to the third power na ang boluntaryong tumawid sa kabilang buhay upang makasama si Papa Jesus. #

Note:
Simula next year, ang short course na ito on alternative reporting ay opisyal nang isasama sa curriculum sa mga state colleges and universities sa bansa at tatawaging ‘Teology 101.’
———————————————————————————————————————————————
“Don’t blame the messenger because the message is unpleasant.”
~Ken Starr

Sound Bites
“’Yung mga statements na ganoon, nahihirapan kaming i-sell ang Philippines so I hope we could kung puwede even… this does not only refer to VP Leni but also to the media to please medyo i-tone down natin yung [reports] on extrajudicial killings.”
~Tourism Sec. Wanda Tulfo-Teo

Elsewhere
The New York Times:
“Violence in the house, violence in the school and violence in the neighborhood. That is why he is always angry. Because if you have pain when you are young, you are angry all the time.”

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

(Photos: EJK: Reuters; Wanda Teo: GMA Network)





OF SENATORS AND STUPIDITY

18 03 2017

AN IMPEACHMENT complaint has been filed against President Duterte. The complaint is expected to be meted the death penalty in Congress.

Pick of the Week
From ‘The Weekly with Charlie Pickering’ an Australian satirical TV news program. Truthful, biting, hilarious.

“Resource” Person
Controversial starlet and sex advice blogger Mocha Uson was invited as resource speaker by the Philippine Army to an event that aims “to promote awareness on security challenges through intellectual discourse with experts in various disciplines.” It was an enlightening talk. She taught the soldiers the different positions during battle.

Stupid
Tito Sotto, the paragon of intellect and wit at the Senate, was quoted to have said 50 percent of Filipino drivers were stupid. You ungrateful bitch! If not for their stupidity, you wouldn’t be elected senator.

Stupid II
According to Tito Sotto, more than 50 percent of Filipino drivers are stupid. In response, Filipino drivers say “more than half of senators are Tito Sotto.”

Intimate Dinner I
Senators who belong to the ‘majority’ bloc had an “intimate” dinner with their ‘amo’ – President Duterte recently. It was a lovely and satisfying evening for the senators who each had a hefty serving of Pedigree, Royal Canin, and Alpo.


Intimate Dinner II
Majority bloc senators had an “intimate dinner” with President Duterte. Before dinner started, Duterte asked Manny Pacquiao to lead the prayer. He then asked Loren Legarda to lead the singing of the Philippine national anthem. And to everyone’s surprise, he also asked Grace Poe and Alan Peter Cayetano to lead the singing of the Star Spangled Banner.

Intimate Dinner III
The Senate’s majority bloc had an “intimate” dinner with President Duterte last Tuesday. No other government official was invited although Solicitor General Jose Calida was allowed entry to award each senator with a ‘Republic Defenders’ pin.

Missing Andanar
Since losing his ‘messaging’ job two weeks ago, Communications Secretary Martin Andanar has been very quiet. Please return soon. We miss your blunders.

Knockout
It was like watching Floyd Mayweather Jr. fight Manny Pacquiao all over again with the same results. Worse even. The incompetence of Manny Pacquiao was in full display when Senator Drilon interpellated him on a proposed measure. During the break, Pacquiao reportedly went to the restroom, faced the mirror and said, “Why am I doing this to myself?”

After the interpellation, Manny Pacquiao admitted he failed to answer Drilon’s questions because he had a shoulder injury.

In case you missed it…


——————————————————————————————————————————-
“The biggest mistake of a democratic country is to underestimate the power of a democratically elected pro-fascist leader because it is always easier to destroy a castle from within!”
~Mehmet Murat ildan

Sound Bites
“As to the plan or the objective of the house speaker, we really could not tell at this point but we see it purely as conditioning the minds of the public and also really trying to bring the credibility of the vice president down.”
~Georgina Hernandez, spokesman of VP Leni Robredo on House Speaker Alvarez’s impeachment threat

Reality bites.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: JV Ejercito]





PRE-CAM

13 03 2017

PRE-CAM, noun.
The initial outburst of arrogance of a wannabe government official.
See ‘feelingera,’ ‘assuming,’ ‘entitled.’


SANDRA CAM was a trending topic online over the weekend. The self-confessed jueteng bagwoman who collected gambling money for the Arroyos blew her top at the VIP lounge of the Ninoy Aquino International Airport recently. She reportedly berated airport employees when she was not accorded the VIP treatment.

Here are excerpts from the incident report filed by the Manila International Airport Authority – specifically the transcript of the exchange between Cam and the airport staff.

Airport Staff: Ma’am, ID po.

Sandra Cam: ID? Anong ID? Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala?

Staff: Kaya nga po nagtatanong ng ID ‘di ba?

Cam: My god! Tumakbo ako sa pagka-senador, hindi mo pa rin ako kilala?!?

Staff: Lorna Kapunan?

Cam: Excuse me. Ang layo naman yata.

Staff: Kung maka-“layo” naman ‘to! Hawig nga eh. Clue pa po!

Cam: Jueteng!

Staff:

Cam: Whistleblower!

Staff:

Cam: Jueteng whistleblower!

Staff: Sabi ko na nga ba eh! Kayo nga ‘yun! Chavit Singson!!!!

Staff: Ma’am kailangan po namin ng ID.

Cam: ID? Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala?!?

Staff: Sino ba kayo?

Cam: Hindi mo talaga ako kilala????? Clue: Tumakbo akong senador noong Mayo.

Staff: Aba, malay ko. Ang dami kayang tumakbo.

Cam: Isa pang clue: jueteng bagman ako dati.

Staff: Obvious naman eh. Pero sorry, ‘di ko pa rin kayo kilala.

Cam: Naging whistleblower ako. Hindi mo pa rin ako natatandaan?!?

Staff: Hindi po eh. Sirit na.

Cam: Hay naku! Ako si SANDRA CAM!!!! S-A-N-D-R-A-C-A-M Sandra Cam! Tandaan mo ‘yan!

Staff: Sus! Ang dami n’yo pang kuda eh. Kung sinabi n’yo agad na “De Lima sex videos,” eh ‘di madali kong nahulaan.

Cam:

Staff: Pengeng ID.

Staff: Ma’am ID po.

Cam: ID? Anong ID?

Staff: Kailangan pong magpakita kayo ng government ID dito sa VIP lounge.

Cam: Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala?! HINDI MO BA AKO NAKIKILALA?!????

Staff: Bakit ma’am? Kayo ba si Maine Mendoza o si Liza Soberano para makilala ko? HINDI!!!! HINDI KO KAYO KILALA! ‘TANG INA!

Cam:

Staff: Sorry ma’am, ang ingay ng eroplano. Napasigaw tuloy ako.

Staff: Ma’am kailangan po ng ID dito.

Cam: ID? Anong ID? Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala?! Kaibigan ko si Bong Go!

Staff: So???

Cam: Ahhhh ganun! Anong pangalan mo? Patingin ng ID mo.

Staff: ID? Anong ID? Hindi n’yo po ba ako nakikilala?

Cam: Bakit? Kaibigan mo rin si Bong Go?!?

Staff: Opo! Kaibigan ko rin si Bong Go!

Cam:

Staff:

Cam: ‘Di nga?!

Staff: Joke lang. Baka makalusot.

Staff: Penge pong ID ma’am.

Cam: ID?!? Anong ID? Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala?

Staff: ‘Pag gov’t official po, kailangang magpakita ng ID.

Cam: Ahhh ganun? Maghintay ka ng three months dahil malapit na akong bigyan ng puwesto sa gobyerno.

Staff: Ahhh, ganun? Pwes, bumalik na lang kayo after three months.

Cam:

Staff: Si Bong Go ho, nalimutan n’yo yatang i-namedrop. Go!

Staff: Ma’am kailangan po n’yong magbayad ng P1,200 for using the VIP lounge.

Cam: Huh! Bakit ako magbabayad ng 1,200 eh wala naman kayong sini-serve dito kundi tubig at kape?!? NO!

Staff: ‘Tang inang ‘to. Wala na ngang ID, wala pang 1,2. Eh ba’t pa kayo nagpunta rito?

Cam: Ahhh ganun. Hindi mo ba alam na

Staff: Si Bong Go? Sasabihin n’yo, kilala n’yo si Bong Go? Magni-name drop na naman kayo para matakot ako? Ipamumukha n’yo sa aking may kuneksyon kayo at kinakaya n‘yo ang maliliit na empleyado!?! Bong Go! Bong Go! Bong Go! ‘Yan ang panakot n’yo! Hindi ba tama ako? SUMAGOT KA! HINDI BA TAMA AKO!?!

Cam: Oo.

Staff:

Cam:

Staff: Pengeng ID. Bilis!
_________________________________________________________________________________
“Those who claim the right to that arrogance without accomplishments to back it up deserve to be exposed.”
~Jeff Ashton

Sound Bites
“So iyan ang promise ko at tutulungan ko siya. If she would ask me for work, I would give her the work. Utang na loob ‘yan eh.”
~President Duterte on Sandra Cam

“What I said exactly is that instead of having me present to you a government ID, you wait until 2 months, I will be joining the government and I’m sure that I can give you the government ID that you need.”
~Sandra Cam

Best and brightest my foot.

[Photos: Sandra Cam: Alex Nuevaespaña/Senate PRIB; ClipArtKid; ClipArt Library; ClipArtFox; ClipArtFest]





MADAM SECRETARY & DEATH PENALTY

9 03 2017

  1. TAKE our latest news quiz slash survey. This time, there will be no wrong answers. You just have to read. Enjoy!

1: Galit na galit ang mga opisyal ng Malacañan nang mapanood ang teaser ng latest episode ng US TV series na ‘Madam Secretary.’ Ipinakita kasi rito ang panghihipo ng isang fictional Philippine president sa babaeng US Secretary of State. Bakit napikon nang todo ang mga taga-palasyo?
A: Ang pamagat kasi ng episode ay “President First (Dapat una si presidente)”
B: Sarcastic daw ang show dahil ang gumanap na presidente ay walang pores.
C: Ang CBS kung saan ipinapalabas ang ‘Madam Secretary’ ay “bias” at “dilawan.”
D: Mas katanggap-tanggap daw kasing maakusahang murderer kaysa manyak.

2: Sa teaser ng US TV series na ‘Madam Secretary,’ ipinakita ang pagsuntok ng bidang babae sa fictional Philippine president dahil sa panghihipo nito. Galit na galit ngayon ang palasyo at ang mga ka-DDS. Kung sa totoong buhay nangyari ang panghihipo, ano ang magiging reaksyon nila?
A: “Pilyo lang talaga si Tatay Digong. Wala siyang masamang intensyon.”
B: “Presidente ‘yan ‘no! Choosy ka pa girl? #PahipoGoals”
C: “Sinungaling ‘yan! ‘Di naman kagandahan, bakit ka hihipuan?!”

3: Kung may susuntukin pang fictional Filipino government official sa nasabi ring palabas, sino ang gusto mong isunod?
A: Manny Pacquiao
B: Vitaliano Aguirre
C: Martin Andanar
D: Bato De La Rosa
E. Alan Peter Cayetano
F: Honorable MTRCB Board Member Mocha Uson
G: “Bias” ang tanong na ito. Ang daming choices. Pagsabay-sabayin na lang mga ‘yan!

4: Noong Lunes, nilektyuran ni Manny Pacquiao ang self-confessed Davao Death Squad henchman na si retired police officer Arturo Lascañas tungkol sa “spiritual renewal.” Ayon kay Pacquiao, ang tao ay “spiritually renewed” kung:
A: Hindi na nakikiapid sa mga sexy celebrities
B: Hindi na nagsusugal sa casino
C: Hindi na nandadaya sa pagbabayad ng buwis
D: Quote nang quote ng Bible verses habang ipinagtatanggol ang death penalty at ipinagdidiinang ang lifestyle ng LGBT community ay mas masahol pa kaysa sa hayop.

5: Matapos mabistong nagsinungaling sa isyu ng US citizenship, ibinasura ng Commission on Appointments ang pagkakatalaga kay Perfecto Yasay bilang Foreign Affairs Secretary. Ano ang naging reaksyon ni Yasay?
A: “Bahagi ito ng destabilization plot laban kay Pangulong Duterte.”
B. “Kagagawan ito ng mga Amerikano dahil alam nilang mas close ako sa mga Chinese!”
C: “O ano Alan Peter Cayetano, masaya ka na?”

6: Nabasura ang appointment ni Perfecto Yasay. Sabi ng palasyo, papalitan na lang ito. Nabisto kasi ang kanyang PAGSISINUNGALING. Tanong:
A: Bakit nand’yan pa si Vitaliano Aguirre?
B: Anong ginagawa ni Mocha Uson sa MTRCB?
C: Hanggang kailan sa puwesto si Martin “$1,000” Andanar?


7: Matapos mangakong paninindigan niya ang kanyang anti-death penalty stance, biglang bumaligtad ang LGBT rights advocate at kinatawan ng Bataan na si Geraldine Roman. Bumoto ito pabor sa bill. Binabatikos tuloy siya ngayon ng mga netizens. Ano ba ang naging paliwanag niya?
A: “Kebs sa mga bashers! Mas feel ko na ngayong tsugiin ang mga criminals!”
B: “Imbey ako sa reporter na ‘yan ng PTV 4. Sa truth lang, I was misquoted last year. ‘Buti na lang walang nanonood sa kanila.”
C: “Pag nag-vote ako ng NO sa bill, wit ako gibsung ni House Speaker Alvarez ng datung. Waley akong boodjei para sa mga utaw sa probinsya. Baka Hindira Gandhi ako mare-reelect sa 2019. Afraidy aguilar!”

8: Sa Kamara, 216 ang bumoto pabor sa death penalty bill, at 54 lamang ang tumutol. Bakit?
A: Kasi nga, wala sa listahan ng heinous crimes ang plunder. Ibalik n’yo ang plunder, tiyak na tututulan ng mga ‘yan ang bitay.
B: Change had come: mula sa pagiging buwaya, naging tuta naman sila noong botohan.
C: Dahil sa totoo lang, mahihirap lang naman ang tiyak na mabibitay; ‘yong mga milyonaryo sa Kongreso, ligtas na ligtas ang mga ‘yan.

9: Ang LGBT rights advocate na si Geraldine Roman, pinaboran ang death penalty bill. Pero si dating First Lady Imelda Marcos, bumoto laban dito. Ano ang masasabi mo?
A: Buhay pa pala si Imelda?!?
B: Ilang taon na ba ‘yan, 200?!
C: Masamang damo, matagal mamatay.

10: Nagrereklamo si Dante Jimenez ng Volunteers Against Crime Corruption. Hindi raw dapat sa PNP Custodial Center sa Camp Crame na-detain si Sen. Leila De Lima kundi sa ordinaryong kulungan. Unfair daw ito. Ano ang definition ng “fair” para kay Jimenez?
A: Ang pagbibigay ng immunity at special privileges sa high-profile convicted drug lords na tumestigo laban kay De Lima
B: Ang espesyal na kulungan para sa mga akusadong plunderer na sina Bong Revilla at Jinggoy Estrada
C: Extrajudicial killing – kasi “Justice delayed is justice denied” kaya mas ok ‘yung patayin na agad ang mahihirap na ‘yan. Wala nang trial-trial pa! ‘Yan ang fair.

11: Inutusan ni Mocha Uson ang kanyang mga alagad na zombies at trolls na i-invade ang Twitter. Pero mukhang bigo silang makapaghasik ng lagim sa Twitterverse dahil:
A: Mas witty ang mga tao doon kaysa sa Facebook.
B: May automatic block button sa Twitter.
C: Hindi sila maka-express ng complete thought dahil sa Twitter, 140 characters or less lang ang allowed.

12: Earlier this week, nag-trend ang “Bernard Palanca” sa Twitter. Bakit?
A: Nagkaroon siya ng “spiritual renewal”
B: Inakusahan siya ng pananakal
C: Nakipag-duet siya ng ‘Flashlight’ kay Jessie J.
________________________________________________________________________________
“Since governments take the right of death over their people, it is not astonishing if the people should sometimes take the right of death over governments.”
~Guy de Maupassant

Sound Bites
“I need not do that. Hindi na kailangan. I will not create a DDS, may police department ako.”
~President Duterte on his alleged ties with the so-called Davao Death Squad (DDS)


“Tell your brother, he killed a mountain.”
~DENR Sec. Gina Lopez to Cong. Ronnie Zamora during her confirmation hearing. 3/8/2017

That’s how you celebrate International Women’s Day!

[Photos: CBS Corp; Yasay: Geremy Pintolo/PhilStar; Roman: Jervis Manahan; Gina Lopez: Grig Montegrande/Inquirer]





STONEFISH

3 03 2017

1stonedigong
PRESIDENT DUTERTE has a new grandson. Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte-Carpio gave birth to Baby Marko Digong, her third child. The baby’s nickname is Stonefish. Stonefish weighs 2.42 kilos. At exactly 12:56PM on Thursday, March 2, he swam his way out of his mother’s womb. Inday Sara has two other kids, Sharky, 8, and Stingray, 4.

On Twitter, I wrote:

1stonefish

‘Stonefish’ became a trending topic on Twitter on Friday. Here are some of the funniest #Stonefish tweets.

1keightniss

* * *

1francisarthurc

* * *

1realdocpao

* * *

1chemmybreezy

* * *

1chenelynmercad0

* * *

1gie_nome

* * *

1glennagurang

* * *

1japethiscurly

* * *

1jaredlacaran

* * *

1jericsonjabar

* * *

1literalyjelly

* * *

1roaynatee18

* * *

1sowhatsnews

* * *

1chroniclikerr

* * *

1steelawake

———————————————————————————————————————————
“Names, once they are in common use, quickly become mere sounds, their etymology being buried, like so many of the earth’s marvels, beneath the dust of habit.”
~Salman Rushdie

Soundbites
“Ang pangalan daw Marko Digong. Ganoon talaga iyan si Inday… Ito ang palayaw daw Stonefish. Kaawa naman ang bata.”
~President Duterte

Fish be with you.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Presidential Assistant Bong Go]





SUPERMAN

2 03 2017

0dds
SELF-CONFESSED Duterte henchman, Arturo Lascañas has been preparing for his explosive DDS story on Monday at the Senate – while Vitaliano Aguirre is preparing another ambush story to divert public attention from the tell-all.

Retired policeman Arturo Lascañas said the code used by the Davao Death Squad for then Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte was ‘Superman.’ He claimed ‘Superman’ ordered them to go after his “personal and political enemies.” Last week, President Duterte admitted knowing Lascañas and meeting him a couple of times every year. When asked where, he replied, “Krypton.”

Self-confessed DDS leader SPO3 Arturo Lascañas said they used ‘Superman’ as code for then Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte. Whenever they mentioned ‘Superman’ in Davao, they were talking about just one: Duterte. There were several ‘Lois Lanes’ though.

Martin “$1,000” Andanar said the revelations of SPO3 Arturo Lascañas were part of a “political drama aimed to destroy the President.” No offense but, what’s there to destroy?

Focus
Vice President Leni Robredo has called on President Duterte to focus on the “war on poverty.” In response, Duterte said, “That has always been the priority of my death squads: the poor.

0jimparedes
Honored
Solicitor General Jose Calida honored 10 Duterte-BBM Youth members (who stormed the #EDSA31 celebration last Feb. 26) with a ‘Republic Defenders’ pin. You have probably seen the video. A member of the group couldn’t utter a single word when singer-songwriter and People Power defender Jim Paredes lectured him on extrajudicial killing. The guy deserved more than a pin for surviving that prolonged embarrassment.

Threat
Duterte-BBM Youth members, with the backing of Solicitor General Jose Calida, will reportedly file a case against Duterte critic Jim Paredes. Rumors say they’re charging him with assault and they have a very strong evidence to show – their bruised ego.

0andanarrappler
Ignored
In an effort to patch things up between Martin Andanar and Senate reporters whom Andanar recently accused of corruption, Senate President Koko Pimentel secretly invited the Communications Secretary to a dinner he hosted for the Senate media. While there though, Andanar was ignored by Senate reporters. Or as Mocha Uson would say, “Senate reporters, hindi pinansin si Secretary Martin Andanar matapos malamang hindi ito mamimigay ng 1,000 dollars.”

Ignored II
In a dinner hosted by Senate President Koko Pimentel for Senate reporters, Martin Andanar showed up. Senate reporters ignored him big time. But he was unfazed. He stayed. For that alone, Jose Calida is honoring Andanar with a ‘Republic Defenders’ pin.

Lent
Ash Wednesday (March 1) marked the start of Lent. Many are giving up something for Lent like junk food, sex, smoking, etc. The Philippine Senate just gave up its independence.

Up Next
Speaking before a huge crowd of Duterte fanatics at Rizal Park, Vitaliano Aguirre shouted, “Sino ang gusto n’yong isunod (na ikulong)?” Senators Zubiri, Gatchalian, Escudero, Villanueva, and Ejercito slammed Aguirre for his behavior which they described as “unbecoming of a justice secretary” and “irresponsible.” Well, Aguirre has repeatedly proven he was unfit to serve as justice secretary and yet, you, dear senators still confirmed his appointment. Talk about responsibility.

Barker
Sen. Grace Poe says as justice secretary Vitaliano Aguirre is expected to be fair and should not “moonlight as a ‘perya’ barker who agitates the crowd.” Aguirre felt slighted by Poe’s ‘perya barker’ comparison since his actual intention was to be a circus clown.

0lalaland
Oscars
This year’s Academy Awards ended in a messy mix-up when the assigned PricewaterhouseCoopers accountant, Brian Cullinan handed the wrong envelope to the presenters. It was an epic fail. Palpak ang trabaho. Reports say Cullinan will probably lose his job. He should not worry though because the Duterte government is interested in hiring him.

Oscars II
One of my favorite Oscar moments was ‘In Memoriam’ where we remember those who died the previous year. Among those we lost in 2016 were Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, Prince, and the logic of Duterte fanatics.
________________________________________________________________________________________
“He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future.”
~Adolf Hitler

Sound Bites
“You are expected to administer justice fairly and not to moonlight as a ‘perya’ barker who agitates the crowd.”
~Sen. Grace Poe to Vitaliano Aguirre

Kadiri.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Lascañas: Voltaire Domingo, NPPA; Andanar: Camille Elemia/Rappler; Oscars: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP]








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