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MONKEYS

3 11 2016

SIX DRUG USERS were killed by unknown assailants in Mandaluyong and Pasig last October 31. The gruesome murders were dubbed by the media as “Halloween massacre” and by Malacañang as “campaign promise.”

Post-Halloween
President Duterte spent the Halloween weekend with his family in Davao City. His grandchildren enjoyed their costume party. Some of them arrived as Marvel superheroes while some as Disney characters. But one apo, who tried to scare his lolo, caught the ire of the President when he arrived as a ‘human rights advocate.’

1digong-abc
Broken Promise
A week after God “talked” to him while on a plane from Tokyo, President Duterte broke his promise not to use another cuss word. Cursing yet again the United States for reportedly scrapping an arms deal, Duterte called the Americans “monkeys.” Apparently, Duterte never saw the irony in calling them that.

Broken Promise II
When God allegedly threatened to bring down the plane carrying him from Tokyo, President Duterte vowed not to swear again. The other day though, he broke his promise. God can’t wait to board Duterte’s next flight to Malaysia.

The Fall
Citing our foul-mouthed president’s cursing of trading partners, Credit Suisse Group AG and Rabobank Groep predict the peso will weaken past 50 per dollar next year. In the words of Michelle Obama, “When Duterte goes low, the peso goes lower.”

Pacquiao
President Duterte said Manny Pacquiao should knock out welterweight champion Jessie Vargas in the early rounds of their scheduled fight this weekend. To be specific, Duterte wants Pacquiao to finish off Vargas in 3 to 6 rounds.

Safety First
A proposed bill in Congress will require PUV drivers to undergo and pass a mandatory traffic test to keep our roads safe. In response, angry PUV drivers said lawmakers must undergo and pass a mandatory honesty test to keep our taxes safe.

1cult
Filipino
Foreign Affairs Sec. Perfecto Yasay has denied an online report he has dual citizenship. Yasay insisted, “I am not an American. I am a Filipino in thought, in word, and in deed. Xie xie!”

Imelda
Miss Earth Philippines Imelda Schweighart was in the news recently for her bad behavior. Apparently, Schweighart has been badmouthing a fellow Miss Earth candidate. The fearless Palawan native who is not afraid to speak her mind has since resigned as Miss Earth-Philippines to focus on her next target: the presidency of the Philippines.

The Reason?
1dutsinquirer

“Ganito kaliit ‘yong sa akin kapag ‘di ako nagmumura.
Kaya pagpasensyahan n’yo na kung ‘di ko mapigilang
mag-‘Putang ina’ araw-araw. Kailangan ko ‘yon
para mabawasan ang insecurity ko.”

Da Who?!
I am reprinting a juicy item from the Philippine Daily Inquirer written by award-winning business journalist Daxim Lucas.

Freebie-minded Cabinet official
The owner and officials of this large real estate firm couldn’t believe it.

One Duterte Cabinet official was recently at the shopping mall of this company and was being assisted by its officials, as is customary whenever a VIP guest is on the premises. And as part of their polite small talk, the mall people gave the Cabinet official the usual line: “Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.”

Well, it was soon apparent that there was something they could do for this Cabinet official and they were soon regretting their polite pro forma words. That’s because this Cabinet official asked an assistant the very next day to get in touch with the executives of the mall and ask them for 150 tickets—that’s right, 150—for a musical that was being staged in the theater owned by the firm.

Why? Well, the Cabinet official wanted other employees of the department to watch the musical, too.
But here’s the thing: This real estate company has firm guidelines when it comes to dealing with government officials, so the request was—gasp—turned down.
Instead of an outright rejection, however, the real estate firm sent this Cabinet official VIP tickets for the Cabinet official to watch the popular musical. And so the Cabinet official watched the musical. But it didn’t end there.

After the show, the Cabinet official went window-shopping at the mall and promptly found some interesting items. Thus, this official asked staffers to call the mall executives to inform them that the official wanted two pairs of designer shoes seen in the shops right that minute.

But the mall official reasoned that such a request could not immediately be granted. Instead, the stunned mall executive suggested that the shoes be sent to the Cabinet official’s office the next day.

The mall executive also rejected a suggestion by the Cabinet official’s staffer saying that the official should just be given a complimentary P50,000 spending spree, with purchases over this amount to be settled by the official.

Anyway, the shoes were promptly sent to the Cabinet official’s office the following day, with one mall executive even advancing the money for the purchase.

And you think that’s the end of the story? Nope. The shoes were sent back—to the consternation of everyone at the mall and real estate firm—because the Cabinet official said they didn’t fit correctly.
Of course, the matter has reached the tycoon who owns the mall and real estate firm who could only shake his head in disgust. Too bad they have to work with this Cabinet official’s department and agencies as part of their business operations. —

For more Bizz Buzz, click here.
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“Murder is like potato chips: you can’t stop with just one.”
~Stephen King, Under the Dome

Soundbites
“Tingnan mo mga unggoy. ‘Yung 26,000 na baril na bibilhin natin sa kanila, ayaw nang ipagbili. ‘Tang ina mo!”
~Rodrigo Duterte

“Putang ina! Maski makipagsuntukan na kami sa mga drug lord na ‘yan kung kailangan, basta lang matapos natin ang giyera sa droga.”
~PNP Director General Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa on the reported scrapped arms deal with the US

Diplomacy.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Bullit Marquez/Associated Press; Yasay’s Facebook; Duterte 2: Associated Press/Eugene Hoshiko]

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