“Nabasa ko ang EU condemnation sa akin. Sabihin ko sa kanila, ‘Fuck you!’”

IT’S PROBABLY the biggest news of the week. Everyone is talking about it. It’s over for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt!

TMZ reported that “Angelina reached her breaking point last week over Brad’s consumption of marijuana.” When news of the separation first broke out, Angelina got messages of support from her dad, her brother and President Duterte.

House Inquiry
The House of Representatives has opened its inquiry into the alleged proliferation of drugs inside the New Bilibid Prison. The hearing was presided over by Congressman Vitaliano Aguirre.

Witnesses presented by DOJ Sec. Vitaliano Aguirre claimed that then Justice Secretary Leila De Lima received millions of pesos from drug lords. Reporters described the hearing as “explosive.” Others described it as “shocking.” President Duterte called it a “success!”

Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar said Malacañang did not have a hand in the inquiry that painted Leila De Lima as a drug coddler. Andanar added, “I’d like to say the House is also independent.” Like the President, Andanar has apparently developed this habit of telling jokes.

During the hearing, congressmen announced Senator De Lima’s cellphone number and home address. The senator lambasted the solons’ “utter lack of sheer humanity.” On Tuesday night or a few hours after her phone number was made public, De Lima said she received more than 2,000 nasty and angry messages. And that’s just from Sandra Cam.

Bad Image
Staunch Duterte ally and apologist, Alan Peter Cayetano said Senators Trillanes, De Lima, and Drilon are destroying the country’s image and reputation abroad. Even President Duterte was like, “Kung makasipsip naman ‘to! Ang tagal pa ng 2022 ‘tang ina!”

Earlier this week, the European Union (EU) Parliament called on the government to “put an end to the current wave of extrajudicial executions and killings” of drug suspects. Reacting to the statement, President Duterte said, “Nabasa ko ang EU condemnation sa akin. Sabihin ko sa kanila, ‘Fuck you!’” When asked for reaction, the European Union said, “We’re too busy right now. Can we ignore him some other time?”

Responding to the EU’s criticisms, President Duterte said, “Fuck you.” In separate text messages, the UN and Pope Francis told the EU, “Welcome to the club!”

This just in: Antarctica has also appealed to President Duterte to put a halt to extrajudicial killings in the country. A furious Duterte said Antarctica should shut the fuck up, stop meddling in Philippine affairs and focus instead on its melting ice sheets.

Sought for an interpretation, Communications Sec. Martin Andanar said, “Nauunawaan ng Pangulo ang malamig na pakikitungo sa kanya ng Antarctica.”

According to Communications Secretary Martin Andanar, there is an “Oust Duterte Movement.” He couldn’t give any details though. Allegedly, the movement’s goal is to make the President sound and look bad in international media. That explains the movement’s choice for spokesperson: the President himself.

As if following a carefully-written script, Manny Pacquiao on Monday moved to declare the Senate justice committee vacant. Online, he was applauded by Duterte die hards although he would have been applauded by a larger number of people had he declared his own Senate seat vacant.

It was Manny Pacquiao who moved to declare the Senate justice committee vacant. That’s one rare moment when we wished Pacquiao was absent from the session instead.

Going back to the #Brangelina break up…
Reaction to the breakup ranged from celebration (#TeamJen) to devastation. Sa Malacañang, napaiyak at nahulog sa upuan si Secretary Martin Andanar.

Brad and Angelina have six children including one from Vietnam, Ethiopia and Cambodia. Now they’re breaking up. And President Duterte was like, “See? Even Brad and Angelina are leaving the United Nations!”

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have called it quits. Some people are blaming actress Marion Cotillard. Some are blaming Brad Pitt’s weed and alcohol consumption. Malacañang is blaming the media.

Filipinos fought for press freedom to come up with headlines like this on the anniversary of the declaration of Martial Law. #ProudMoment


BREAKING: The Manila Standard has been declared ‘the best newspaper in the solar system.’ Congratulations!
“Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.”
~Harry S. Truman

Sound Bites
“As the saying goes, everything has been thrown at me except the kitchen sink. I am still waiting for the kitchen sink.”
~Sen. Leila De Lima

The dogs of war by Luis Francia
“And President Duterte is that man, the extraordinary alpha male of the pack.
When he growls, the whole pack growls.
When he barks, the whole pack barks.
When he bares his teeth, as he did in insulting President Obama, the whole pack bares their teeth.”

The Bloody Biography of Rodrigo Duterte by Sheila Coronel
“If he wants to remain true to his beliefs, he must find a way to articulate his position on human rights, foreign policy, and the international community that goes beyond expletives. He’s in uncharted territory now. The Davao playbook no longer suffices. It’s time to write a new one.”

Poll Results
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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Hearing: Rappler; Duterte: ABSCBN News; Manila Standard]

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

3 thoughts on “CAN YOU BILIBID?”

  1. Sept 21, 2016 Frankly, the witnesses in the House of Representatives against Senator De Lima are credible  and De Lima’s witness Matobato in the Senate hearing  is totally incredible. The same goes for Senators Drilon and Trillanes.  That is no brainer.  Just use your native logic after analyzing in detail what Senator Cayetano presented.  Then observe the emotional retorts from De Lima and her body languages.   The more she speaks, the deeper she shinks into the quagmire of lies she and her cohorts had laid down in the last four years of the PNoy Aquino administration.  Question now is:  who else in the PNoy administration, other than De Lima, are involved with her?   The team of current Justice Secretary Aguirre just has to verify,  and make sure  the veracity and accuracy/truth in any information they now–and thereafter–gather against her etal.  Truth is non-negotiable. She herself said no one can cover TRUTH.  Cheers Gil H. A. Santos . .  


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