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BABALA: NAKAMAMATAY

8 07 2016

1luigiq
CONGRESSMAN Toby Tiangco has filed House Bill 412: An act providing for a ‘No work, No pay’ policy for members of Congress. When sought for their reaction, neophyte solon Geraldine Roman said, “Tama ‘yon!” Congresswoman Vilma Santos replied, “Kung hindi ka magtatrabaho, bakit ka babayaran?” And Sen. Manny Pacquiao said, “Inaano ko ba kayo?!”

Suspects
Cause of death and manner of death are two different terms used by forensic scientists. To differentiate, let’s use as example the recent cases of drug-related deaths in the Philippines. The ‘cause of death’ is gunshot wound – and the ‘manner of death’ is ‘nanlaban.’

1Nanlaban
During the campaign, then presidential candidate Rodrigo Duterte vowed to kill five suspected criminals per week. Since June 30 or in just 8 days, there have been 72 drug-related killings already in the country. Duterte has overachieved.

Noon
Pulis: Alam kong nand’yan ka lang sa loob ng iyong bahay! Bibigyan kita ng sampung minuto! Sumuko ka na kung ayaw mong masaktan!

Suspek: Susuko na po! Susuko na!

Ngayon
Pulis: Alam kong nand’yan ka lang sa loob ng iyong bahay! Bibigyan kita ng sampung minuto!

Suspek: Susuko na po! Susuko na!

Pulis: Tanga! Hindi kita pinasusuko. Gusto kong manlaban ka! Now na!

* * * * *

Noon
Pulis: Sakay! Bilis! Dadalhin ka namin sa presinto! Upo nang maayos! Huwag kang gagalaw d’yan kung ayaw mong masaktan.

Suspek: Opo sir.

Ngayon
Pulis: Sakay! Bilis! Dadalhin ka namin sa presinto! Upo nang maayos!

Suspek: Opo sir, hindi ako gagalaw.

Pulis: Tanga! Gumalaw ka! Mang-agaw ka ng baril. Bilis!

Exposed
President Duterte has named five police generals with alleged ties to drug lords. The list includes retired Chief Supt. Vicente Loot who is now the mayor of Daanbantayan town in northern Cebu. The general who has a net worth of more than 100 million pesos has issued a denial but the people find it hard to accept mainly because of his last name.

1Kat
Rewarded
Two of the most visible supporters of President Duterte during the campaign were TV host Kat De Castro and comedian Arnell Ignacio. De Castro has been appointed Tourism undersecretary while Ignacio has been named AVP for the community relation and services department of Pagcor. Congratulations! Hopefully, these appointments will help end speculations that De Castro and Ignacio will be officially declared Mga Pambansang Anino.

There’s no truth to tasteless and sexist rumors though that Mocha Uson will be appointed director of the National Meat Inspection Service.

1luigiq
#DOTAPaMore
In Cebu, two Mandaue City Hall employees were fired after they were photographed playing DOTA while on duty. Unfortunately, the lowly employees have realized that playing online games at work won’t be tolerated – unless your name is Juan Ponce Enrile.

Bong’s Teeth
Detained former senator Bong Revilla has asked the Sandiganbayan to allow him to undergo dental procedures for three days this month. The procedures include panoramic radiograph and composite fillings. Last April 11, Revilla was given permission to go to the hospital for a CT scan of his teeth – contrary to rumors he had a CT scan of his brain which wasn’t necessary because compared to his teeth, it is rarely used.

Smallest
A recent study published in the Journal of Female Health Sciences revealed Filipina women have the smallest breasts. Meanwhile, a separate study published in the Journal of Male Health Sciences revealed Filipino men are the loneliest husbands.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Death kills you once; worry kills you every day.”
~Marty Rubin

Sound Bites
“Ordinary workers are paid on a ‘no work, no pay’ basis, and it doesn’t make them feel humiliated. Why should their payment scheme be different from ours?”
~Cong. Toby Tiangco reacting to Senator Lacson’s comment that the ‘no work, no pay’ bill is demeaning to lawmakers

“Para sa akin, ‘yung bitay, mas ano pa. Kasi yung lethal injection, ano naman may rules din ba, or may batas din ang mga doctors na bawal din silang pumatay ng tao.”
~Manny Pacquiao on the reimposition of death penalty

#whut?!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: No Work, No Pay: Keep Calm-o-Matic.UK; Kat and Arnell: DOTA Boys: Mayor Luigi Quisumbing]

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3 responses

8 07 2016
Crisch Abayon (@CrizzyWrites)

Hi @hecklerforever, in the Arnel Ignacio-Kat Duterte item, you have a photograph taken during Duterte’s thanksgiving party here in Cebu. Kat de Castro was already introduced “Tourism undersecretary” then.

Liked by 1 person

11 07 2016
professionalheckler

I didn’t get to hear or read about that. Good for her. (“,) Thanks for the info.

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9 07 2016
Antonio

Manny Pacquiao, baluktot ang katwiran kasi ang utak niya ay bugbog na sa boksing, dapat talaga, wala kang sweldo kung absent ka sa congress, ang yaman mo na, dupang ka at gahaman ka pa. SIGE MGA CONGRESSMAN, TULOY LANG ANG DELIBERATION OF NO WORK,NO PAY BILL.

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