QUITS!

22 11 2015

1
DAVAO CITY MAYOR Rodrigo Duterte is reportedly running for president. At press time.

Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano will be the running mate of Mayor Rodrigo Duterte. Reports say Cayetano is very happy with Duterte’s decision to seek the presidency. Enjoy it Senator… while it lasts.

1
Even Now
Showing a photo of her sunburnt skin on Instagram, presidential sister Kris Aquino called it “quits” with thousands of commuters who were forced to walk several kilometers because of road closures during the APEC Summit last week. Netizens described Aquino’s post as “callous.” Critics said it was “insensitive.” President Aquino said, “Kapatid nga kita!”

Some of her Instagram followers reacted negatively to her “quits na tayo” post. But Kris was unstoppable. To one follower, she replied, “Try walking on cobblestones in 5-inch heels.” In heaven, Cory and Ninoy were summoned to the principal’s office.

Kris Aquino’s Instagram post has been described as “insentive” by a number of netizens. To give you an idea of how insensitive it was, even Secretary Jun Abaya was offended.

1
On Saturday morning, Kris Aquino posted an apology on Instagram in which she promised, “In the future, I will leave the joking to Vice Ganda.” I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Top 5 Predicted “Quits Na Tayo” Statements of Kris Aquino

No. 5: “Nakakaloka ‘yong bagong pair ng Manolo Blahnik na nabili ko last week. Now ko lang kasi ulit na-try. Ang sikip pala. O, sa mga sumasakay sa MRT, quits na tayo huh! Aha-ha-ha!”

No. 4: “Minsan talaga, importanteng may lalaki sa bahay ‘no? One morning kasi, si Yaya lang ang tao sa bahay. Eh nagbara ‘yong lababo sa kitchen. Umapaw ang tubig! Kaloka! Muntik nang bumaha. Buti na lang naayos. Pero for a second, feeling ko taga-Camanava ako. ‘Di ba laging baha do’n? So quits na tayo!”

No. 3: “Sad to say, hindi nga masyadong kumita ang latest movie ko, ‘yong ‘Etiquette for Mistresses.’ Pero dahil mabait ang mga boss, nagbigay pa rin ng bonus na 1 million. Maliit ba? I know, right. Na-realize ko tuloy, ganito siguro ang nararamdaman ng mga ordinary employees na maliit lang ang nakukuhang bonus. ‘Di bale guys, maliit din ang nakuha ko. Quits na tayo.”

No. 2: “Something funny happened last night habang magkatabi sina Bimb at Kuya sa bed. Bigla ba namang nag-fart si Bimb! Aha-ha-ha! Gosh! It was so baho talaga! Eh naka-Martha Stewart blanket kaming tatlo so hindi nakasingaw ‘yong bad smell. Naka-relate tuloy ako sa scavengers na nagkakalkal ng basura sa Payatas. Quits na tayo guys.”

And the No. 1 predicted “Quits na tayo” statement of Kris Aquino…

“Last night, I had to rush home from my taping ‘coz I was so gutom and I was thinking of this slice of blueberry cheesecake sa fridge. When I reached the gate, hindi ko kinaya ang eksena. ‘Yong last slice of blueberry cheesecake, ipinapakain ni Yaya sa puppy ng kapitbahay! I died! I swear. Kaya sa mga nagugutom na Filipinos, I know how you feel. Quits na tayo.”

In Defense Of
In the wake of Alma Moreno’s disastrous TV interview recently, Vice President Binay said candidates like Alma must always be ready for media interviews. But Binay insisted netizens should have not bashed her. Dear Mr. Vice President, we didn’t bash her. We described her.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.”
~Shannon L. Alder

Sound Bites
“I cannot accept an American President. Show me your real mother and I will even campaign for you.”
~Mayor Duterte on Sen. Grace Poe

Be sensitive! Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte/Cayetano: Inquirer.net; Kris Aquino’s Instagram posts]

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2 responses

24 11 2015
jeric pag-ong

Ang OA talaga ni Kriss. haha

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27 12 2015
FOR SALE: PINOY FIRECRACKERS | The Professional Heckler

[…] Aquino Firecracker Sinindihan mo siya, sumabog, nasira, pero natalsikan ka at nasugatan. Quits lang! Aha-ha-ha! Love! Love! Love! […]

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