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ALMA MORENO, WITH RESERVATIONS

17 11 2015

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GOING VIRAL right now is Karen Davila’s one-on-one interview with actress-turned-politician Alma Moreno who is seeking a Senate seat under Binay’s United Nationalist Alliance (UNA). Moreno appeared on ANC’s Headstart last week. Apparently, Moreno wasn’t informed that her interview was part of Headstart’s election series called “How To Turn Off Voters in 30 Minutes or Less.”

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UNEDITED: Alma Moreno Part II
Here is the second part of Karen Davila’s exclusive interview with Alma Moreno on Headstart. Due to time constraints, ANC did not air this portion.

Alma, let’s discuss something else naman.

Naku, pinapakaba mo naman ako. Puwede bang mag-Tagalog na lang tayo para maintindihan tayo sa grassroots level?

I noticed na favorite mo ang term na grassroots. Kanina ka pa grassroots nang grassroots. For the sake of our televiewers, ano ba ang grassroots?

Constituents na lang. Ayan, mas simple. Para maintindihan tayo ng aking constituents.

Noong 1990s, kumalat ang  “Alma Moreno jokes.” Isa na rito ‘yong pag-order mo raw ng hamburger sa isang fast food. Nang tanungin ka ng crew kung “for dine-in or for take-out,” ang sagot mo raw, “No! It’s for Vandolf.” Totoo ba ‘yun?

Ngayon ko lang ito aaminin Karen. That’s true! Kasi nga hiwalay na kami ni Dolphy noong time na ‘yon. Eh hindi naman ako mahilig sa burger. So, nagsabi ako ng totoo. For Vandolf talaga ‘yon.

Kanina, tinanong kita about the RH Law, LGBT, political dynasty at iba pang national issues. Iwan muna natin ang mga ‘yan. Tatanungin na lang kita ng funny Rejected UPCAT Questions na nagkalat ngayon sa Internet. Familiar ka ba sa UPCAT?

Hindi eh. Sorry huh. Hindi talaga ako mahilig sa pusa. Kung aso siguro baka may alam pa ako.

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Anyway, heto ang una kong tanong: Kapag ang buntis ba ay piniktyuran, makukunan?

Alam mo Karen, ang advocacy ko ay may kinalaman sa kababaihan kaya sakto ang tanong mo. Siguro, para makunan nang maayos ‘yong buntis, dapat laging bukas ang ilaw.

Kung isa lang ang anak mong lalaki, ano ang mas pipiliin mo paglaki niya: maging bakla o maging addict?

Grabe ka naman Karen, pinapahirapan mo ako. Siyempre, mas pipiliin kong

Kumusta na nga pala ang panganay mong si Mark Anthony?

Hay naku! Alam ko na kung saan papunta ang tanong mo. Inuunahan na kita! Hindi bakla si Mark!

So going back to the question…

Mas ok sigurong maging addict na lang. Kasi ang addict, ‘pag nag-asawa, ok lang. Pero ang bakla, pag-nag-asawa, it’s a sin.

Nasa grade school pa lang tayo Alma, itinuturo na sa atin ang evolution. Ang tanong ko: kung totoong nag-evolve mula sa unggoy ang tao, bakit may mukhang kabayo?

May reservations ako d’yan.

Expound.

Teka, kailangan ko bang sagutin ‘yan?

Of course! You are running for senator!

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Unang-una, Roman Catholic ako. Mas naniniwala ako sa creation kaysa sa evolution. Pero depende rin kasi sa tao ‘yan. May taong nagmula sa evolution at may taong nagmula sa creation.

Talaga? Sige, I’ll mention some names. Sabihin mo kung produkto sila ng evolution o creation. Una, President Aquino.

Creation siguro. Religious si Tita Cory eh.

Mar Roxas.

Creation din ‘yan.

Grace Poe.

Naku! Mahirap sagutin ‘yan kasi kailangan muna ng DNA test.

Ano ba ‘yong DNA? What does DNA stand for?

Dugo na nga lang! Kailangan ng dugo para ma-match sa dugo niya.

Jon Snow.

Sino ‘yon?!?

Vice President Binay.

Pwedeng mag-pass?

Hindi! Creation o evolution?

Right now kasi, may allegations na evolution. Pero allegations pa lang ‘yon. Mas ok siguro kung husgado na lang ang magpasya.

Lastly: Albay Govenor Joey Salceda.

Alam mo Karen, mabait at masipag ‘yang si Gob. Siguro, creation ‘yan – with reservations.

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Malamang, kapag na-upload ‘tong interview na ito sa YouTube, pag-uusapan ka ng mga tao. ‘Di natin maiiwasang may mam-bash. In case lang na maging viral, ano ang mararamdaman mo?

Siyempre, masama! Iba kasing umatake ang virus. Siguro, iinom na lang ako ng Berocca at maraming tubig. Siyempre, samahan mo na rin ng prayers. Importante talaga ang dasal.

Maraming nagtatanong: bakit hindi ka muna mag-congresswoman o kaya mag-mayor? Qualified ka raw bang humawak ng national post?

For your information Karen, mahaba-haba na rin ang experience ko bilang isang legislation. Masama bang mag-ambisyong maging isang Senate?

Huling tanong ko Alma: Kung ikaw ay isang ordinaryong voter at napanood mo ang interbyung ito, iboboto mo ba si Alma Moreno?

Honestly?

Hindi. Kung gusto mo, jokingly. Hehe #medyowaley Inuulit ko: kung ikaw ay isang voter at napanood mo ang interbyung ito, iboboto mo ba si Alma Moreno?

Feeling ko naman, tapat ang hangarin ni Alma. Sabi nga niya, naghintay siya ng sign mula kay Lord. Hindi naman siguro siya tatakbo kung wala siyang natanggap na sign.

So, iboboto mo ba si Alma Moreno?

Malamang!

Malamang na oo o malamang na hindi?

Ahm, oo naman.

Sure?

With reservations.
———————————————————————————————————————————
“Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.”
~Plato

#Throwback
Remember those Alma Moreno jokes from the ‘90s? Obviously, she reserved the biggest joke of them all for 2016: her Senate bid.

In deciding whether she’d run for senator or not, Alma Moreno said she asked God for a sign. To her surprise, Vice President Binay suddenly called and offered her a slot in UNA’s Senate slate. Moreno believed that was “the sign.” God was quick to deny though that it came from Him.

Alma Moreno was unprepared for the interview. She failed to give sensible answers when asked about the Reproductive Health Law, LGBT and discrimination issues. As a result, she was lambasted by people on social media. Even worse, one of those people was Lito Lapid.

Sound Bites
“’Pag discrimination kasi, like, nakikita ko iba’t ibang klase ang discrimination ‘di ba? Sa kababaihan lang, ‘pag sinabihan kang bobo ka, discrimination ‘yon ‘di ba?”
~UNA senatorial aspirant Alma Moreno

#PrayForthe2016Elections

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Headstart/ANC Screencaps]

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7 responses

17 11 2015
adobochron

Congratulations for being named finalist in PH Bloggys. Well deserved! I always look forward to your posts!

RENE

Sent from my iPad

>

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17 11 2015
Doctor Eamer

laugh trip! 🙂

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19 11 2015
sledgehammer63

Reblogged this on sledgehammer63.

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21 11 2015
gamitangpuso

Nuisance. Kesyo sikat, kesyo may pera. Umayos kayo, interview na nga lang, di pa magawang maayos, paano pa kaya yung paglingkuran kami nang maayos. #medyogalit

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3 12 2015
Cherry Ann Santiago

hahahahahahhah!!!!

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22 12 2015
MISS UNIVERSE 2015 (Tamang Panahon) | The Professional Heckler

[…] medical marijuana, and terrorism – in the pageant’s Question and Answer portion. Or as Alma Moreno calls it, “my worst […]

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27 12 2015
FOR SALE: PINOY FIRECRACKERS | The Professional Heckler

[…] Firecracker Nag-a-aspire na makilala bilang reliable na brand ng paputok. Ngunit nang sindihan, wala palang kakwenta-kwenta. Walang spark, walang sound, puro […]

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