“The two Congressmen, whose bona fides I do not question, have to be probed by their peers as a guide to future action and prevent a repeat of premature ejaculation, as it were.”

Maguindanao massacre principal accused Andal Ampatuan Sr. died Friday at the age of 74. He has been buried. His funeral convoy included flashy cars, a private army, and a dozen backhoes.

Dead II
Andal Ampatuan Sr., one of the principal accused in the murder of 58 people in Maguindanao in 2009 is dead. He was buried Saturday. An astute politician who never lost an election, Ampatuan is expected to run for the highest seat in hell in 2016.

Dead III
Maguindanao massacre prime suspect Andal Ampatuan Sr. is dead. Just like the victims’ chances of getting justice.

UntitledOne to Sawa
During a campaign sortie in Bacolod City, Vice President Binay said if he became president, he would push for the lifting of term limits of elected officials. Talk about maitim na balak.

Vice President Binay drew flak online for giving away rosary-like bracelets with the letter B on the center of the cross. The Vice President’s camp won’t confirm if the letter B stands for “Binay.” His spokespersons are also mum on reports that the B actually stands for “Buwaya.”

Campaign II
In a campaign sortie in Negros Occidental, Nancy Binay gave away cellphones to the crowd. One excited cellphone winner tried dialing 0927-HONESTY (4663789) right away. The voice prompt replied, “Sorry, this phone doesn’t recognize that.”

NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft successfully completed the flyby of Pluto last July 14. It took NASA nine long years to explore that area in space. Which was still faster compared to the number of years it took the media to finally explore the office of Junjun Binay in Makati City Hall.

2016 Elections
The Commission on Elections has announced the use of malls as voting precincts for the 2016 national elections. Excited trapos were like, “Sana, may sale ng boto!”

In a speech before delegates at the National Convention on Family and Life in Lapu-lapu City, Cebu, CBCP president and Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas described same-sex unions as “a tragic error to humanity.” The title of Villegas’s speech was “101 Ways To Offend Catholics and Make Them Leave The Church.”

Manny Pacquiao has reportedly pulled out his children from Brent School International in Laguna. The kids have been studying at Brent since kindergarten. In fact, Pacquiao’s two older sons, Michael and Jimuel have been overheard conversing in English with British accent according to the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The People’s Champ said his decision to pull them out was aimed at preventing nose bleed in the Pacquiao household.
“The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning.”
~Adlai Stevenson

Sound Bites
“Itong term na ito ’di talaga ako naniniwala d’yan. Kailangan one to sawa ’yan, hangga’t gusto ng tao. Kaya kung merong amendments sa Constitution, ipapaalis ko ‘yong term limitation.”
~Vice President Binay

“Lahat kami ay sang-ayon na nakasalalay sa tamang liderato ang pagsulong ng ating bansa. Kaya naman nagkasundo kami na ang pinakamahalaga ay isaalang-alang ang boses at gabay ng ating mga kababayan upang masigurong hindi ito mawaldas at mapalakas pa ang maayos na paraan ng pamamalakad ng gobyerno sa darating na susunod na anim na taon.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on her recent dinner with President Aquino, Secretary Roxas and Sen. Chiz Escudero

“The two Congressmen, whose bona fides I do not question, have to be probed by their peers as a guide to future action and prevent a repeat of premature ejaculation, as it were. They were elected to convince their colleagues with their logic in Congress, intramurally, and not use the criminal law elsewhere to subdue them, extramurally, as it were, causing needless departmental tension.”
~Former senator Rene Saguisag on the treason charge filed by party-list solons Lito Atienza and Jonathan De La Cruz agains the government peace panel on the BBL

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Ampatuan: Inquirer.Net; Binay Giveaways:; Pluto Flyby: Space.Com; Pacquiao Family: @JinkeePacquiao/IG]

Author: professionalheckler

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