ALIAS

9 04 2015

Untitled
THE NATION marked the 73rd Araw ng Kagitingan on April 9. In his keynote speech in Bataan, President Aquino said, “Nagbabalik-tanaw tayo sa aral ng nakaraan upang hindi na maulit ang mga dating kamalian.” The title of his speech was, “Note To Self.”

All-time Low
President Aquino’s satisfaction rating has dropped to an all-time low yet again! Which explains why his hairline is at an all-time high.

The President’s net satisfaction rating dropped to +11. Just to give you some perspective, Beau Belga’s at +15.

While President Aquino’s satisfaction rating has dropped to an all-time low, 50 percent of Filipinos do not want him to resign. Psychologists call that “Binayphobia.”

President Aquino’s net satisfaction rating is down to +11. Fewer Filipinos are happy with his performance. That’s what happens when someone is in love. His career takes a backseat.

UntitledExorcism Course
The Vatican is offering a course aimed at teaching priests and laypeople how to recognize and fight demonic possession. Classes last for a week and will be held at the city hall, capitol, or Congressional building nearest you.

Alias
MILF chief peace negotiator Mohagher Iqbal admitted that he’s using a nom de guerre or war name. But Iqbal insisted that using an alias was just “natural” if you’re a revolutionary. Or a client of Janet Lim-Napoles.

Untitled
In a Congressional hearing, MILF chief peace negotiator Mohagher Iqbal refused to divulge his real name – although rumors say his passport name is in fact ‘Adele Dazeem.’

Unaware
On the involvement of America in the Mamasapano operation, former SAF chief Getulio Napeñas Jr. said President Aquino knew nothing about it. Among other things.

UntitledTRO for Sale?
Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV said he had received “information” that the Binays paid for the TRO that stopped the preventive suspension of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay. Critics suspect that the CA justice who issued the TRO is either pro-Binay or corrupt. To which the CA justice furiously replied, “How dare you?! I am not pro-Binay!”

The Wedding
Fast-food giant Burger King will sponsor the wedding of an Illinois couple named Joel Burger and Ashley King. The wedding vows will go something like: “For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in obesity and in health… ”

Burger King will sponsor the wedding of an Illinois couple named Joel Burger and Ashley King. In other news, Bianca King is hoping to date Stephen Chow real soon.

UntitledSex Addict
A former high school principal from Japan allegedly had sex with some 12,000 women including minors while in the Philippines. Again, that’s 12,000 women. Or as Ramon Revilla Sr. would say, “Idol!”

A Japanese man who allegedly paid for sex with 12,000 women while in the Philippines was arrested in Tokyo. When some prostitutes were asked to describe their experience with the Japanese, they said, “Move on na lang tayo. Maliit na bagay.”
—————————————————————————————————————————————
“To win the people, always cook them some savoury that pleases them.”
~Aristophanes, The Knights

Sound Bites
“Because of security reasons, my name on the passport is known only to the government. I travel a lot—maybe hundred times. But I’m not hiding my name on my passport.”
~ MILF chief peace negotiator Mohagher Iqbal

Have a happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino: Gov.Ph; Iqbal: GMA News; Law is Greek.Com; Japanese Man: CNN]

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One response

17 04 2015
rainingblimps

Reblogged this on Wrath of The Guardians.

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