AUTHORITIES say there’s no truth to rumors spreading via SMS that terrorists will bomb crowded areas in at least four cities in Metro Manila. It’s a hoax. In fact, the odds of getting killed by terrorists is so much lower than say, your chance of getting killed by riding the MRT.

Philstar_PepingUncle Peping
Former congressman Jose ‘Peping’ Cojuangco wants President Aquino to step down. In calling for his nephew’s resignation, Cojuangco said the government must be reformed. To which, Aquino replied, “You first.”

Former congressman Peping Cojuangco wants his nephew, Noynoy Aquino to step down as president of the Philippines. In response, Aquino was like, “Only if you’ll step down as president of the Philippine Olympic Committee.”

Peping Cojuangco said, “I believe God’s hand is now moving in favor of major reforms this country needs.” When sought for comment on Cojuangco’s statement, God said, “Sino ‘yon?”

NTC_VidalBishops, Too
At least six Catholic bishops have reportedly called for the resignation of President Aquino. Cebu Archbishop Emeritus Cardinal Vidal, in a statement said, “recent developments have made the resignation call even more urgent and imperative.” Of course, President Aquino and Cardinal Vidal are different. One is an old, loveless, sad man whose influence and credibility have clearly diminished, and the other one is President Aquino.

LGBT Rights
According to an SWS survey, 85 percent of Filipinos believe that lesbians and gays have the right to be protected against the Catholic Church, excuse me, discrimination.

Kung Hei Fat Choi!
Feng shui expert Hanz Cua says 2015 is a lucky year for President Aquino. When he heard this, Peping Cojuangco immediately called for reforms in the feng shui industry.

According to feng shui expert Hanz Cua, President Aquino “will have a very happy love life.” Times like this, that’s exactly what the President needs to hear from people like Hanz Cua: false hope.

The President will have a girlfriend in 2015 according to a feng shui expert. The potential girlfriend has been described as young, beautiful, and a huge fan of Hugh Hefner.

Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent. Traditionally, Christians give up something for this annual observance as a sacrifice. Some people give up certain food or drink; others give up habits or something they truly love. President Aquino gave up Alan Purisima in advance.

Former Masbate representative and incumbent governor Rizalina Seachon-Lanete surrendered to authorities Thursday. She is facing plunder and graft charges in connection with the pork barrel scam. Lanete has asked the Sandiganbayan that she be locked up in the PNP Custodial Center in Camp Crame where Jinggoy and Bong Revilla are currently detained. In other news, authorities have denied reports that the PNP Custodial Center will be renamed PNP Crocodile Center.

The Supreme Court has ruled with finality on the disqualification of former Laguna governor ER Ejercito for overspending in the 2013 elections. He was prevented from taking his post back. When will the Supreme Court prevent him from making movies and cringe-worthy posters?

E.R. Ejercito recently announced his plans of acting in a movie about the Fallen 44. Netizens were divided on the issue. Fifty percent didn’t like idea; the other 50 percent hated it.

Design and image editing tool Photoshop has just turned 25. Happy birthday Photoshop! And thank you for making so many people feel so much better about themselves.
“The power-hungry individual follows a path to his own destruction.”

“Why would he do that movie? As a movie actor, I don’t see any good reason to make it as a movie. It could be in bad taste. The tension is still very high. It will only generate animosity. There is nothing to be proud about the incident. I am very much against it.”
~Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada on ER Ejercito’s plan of doing a SAFF44 movie

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philstar.Com: Peping Cojuangco; NTC Facebook: Vidal;; Angelina Jolie; ER Ejercito’s Facebook]

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler


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