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BIRTHDAY BOY

8 02 2015

1NOY
PRESIDENT AQUINO turned 55 on February 8. As he marked his birthday, staunchest critics demanded that he vacate his post. They wanted him to be the #Fallen55.

President Aquino’s closest friends reportedly organized a surprise birthday party for him. Cabinet officials took care of the actual preparations but they got orders from General Purisima.

Rumors have it that the President invited political allies to a birthday dinner. Unfortunately, they didn’t purposely attend ‘coz it’s not on their original schedule.

President Aquino marked two milestones on February 8. He just turned 55. His hair turned 80. Congratulations!

Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino received a new tablet, a new phone, a new pair of shoes, new shirts, new neck ties and new belts from his nieces and nephews. Concerned supporters however, wanted to give him new advisers.

February 8 is President Aquino’s birthday. Also born on February 8 – the Russian inventor of the periodic table of elements, Dmitri Mendeleev. Of course, they’re different. One owed his fame to chemistry, the other owed his fame to genealogy.

The President was born on February 8, 1960. He’s an Aquarian. According to astrologers, Aquarians can sometimes be “insensitive” and “inefficient.” To which, the President said, “Excuse me! I am not insensitive.”

1NOYPurisima
President Aquino has accepted the resignation of suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima. In a televised speech, he confessed it was hard for him to let go of a friend like Purisima. Somebody must tell the President that when it comes to easily ‘letting go’ of some friends, it’s best to get some tips from his sister, Kris.

Last Friday, General Purisima granted GMA News an exclusive, live interview. These days, Purisima would rather enter the territory of the BIFF and the MILF than the lair of ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs anchors and commentators.

Resign!
The leftist Makabayan bloc in Congress wants a change in leadership and calls for the immediate resignation of President Aquino. In related news, the Makabayan bloc has denied rumors it will soon change its name to MakaBinay bloc.

Freeze!
The Sandiganbayan has ordered to freeze Bong Revilla’s alleged ill-gotten wealth worth more than 224 million pesos. When sought for comment, Revilla said “I will file an appeal to defrost it.”

1NOYFake
Investigators in America have discovered that almost 80 percent of the ingredients of popular herbal supplements were fake. And almost 80 percent of supplement users were idiots.

Spanking
Pope Francis was criticized for saying that it’s ok to spank children as long as people do it with dignity. The Pope’s statement brought relief to some Catholic priests who have been spanking altar boys for years.

Pens
The CEO of Microsoft has predicted that in 10 years, the pen will be extinct. And today’s youth were like, “What’s a pen?”

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has predicted that the pen will be extinct in 10 years. To which the sword replied, “Who’s mightier now?”

1NOYOldest Tattoos
Scientists have discovered some of the oldest tattoos ever found on humans on a 5,000-year-old mummy. The mummy which has at least 60 tattoos is believed to be the earliest member of rock group, Kamikazee.
——————————————————————————————————-
“People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go.”
~Anonymous

1NOYSound Bites
“He called me at 11:08 PM. ‘Pag hello ko pa lang, nag-sorry s’ya agad. ‘Sorry Kris sa pinagsasabi ng anak ko, ngayon ko lang nalaman, nahihiya ako sa ‘yo, sa pamilya n’yo.” Dinagdag n’ya na naging mabuti at marespeto kaming mga magkakapatid sa kanya. 5X nyang inulit yung salitang SORRY, sorry talaga.”
~Kris Aquino on Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada whose daughter Jerica (by former actress Laarni Enriquez) called her a bully

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino: Inquirer.Net; Purisima: Rappler.Com; Mummy: Marco Samadelli; Jerica Ejercito: NMFNetwork.TV]

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