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ELEVATORS

28 11 2014

1BIN

MANNY PACQUIAO was feted in Makati City last Thursday. A motorcade was held in honor of the People’s Champ for beating Chris Algieri. Joining Pacquiao on the float were his trusted aides as well as Ilocos Sur Gov. Chavit Singson and Mayor Junjun Atienza.

Mauled
An MMDA traffic constable was reportedly dragged and mauled Thursday morning by a certain Joseph Russel Abacan Ingco who was then driving a flashy sports car. Unconfirmed reports say Ingco, who is facing charges of serious physical injuries, is 39 years old and a huge fan of Chris Brown, Cedric Lee and Claudine Barretto.

1Inday
An MMDA traffic constable was allegedly punched several times by Maserati driver Joseph Russel Abacan Ingco last Thursday. Witnesses described Ingco as a dangerous foe who landed more blows than Chris Algieri.

At press time, mauling suspect Joseph Russel Ingco has yet to surrender to authorities. In a statement released through his lawyer on Friday, Ingco said, “the truth will come out.” To which, his victim said, “You first!”

Bribery
According to a survey conducted by the Office of the Ombudsman, fewer Filipinos now give bribes to government officials or employees. They just drag, and punch them several times then flee.

1ERER
The Supreme Court upheld a Comelec ruling that ousted Laguna Governor ER Ejercito for overspending in the 2013 elections. ER can now concentrate on overspending for the promo of his film fest entry.

The High Tribunal upheld a Comelec decision removing ER Ejercito from his post. ER can now focus on removing his pores for his next movie poster.

Elevators
1condoUntitled
“INDAY, you call Berto na. Mali-late na ‘ka mo sa school si Katarina.

Yes ma’am.

And you tell him to use the service elevator pag-akyat ok? Not the passenger elevator.

Yes ma’am.

Uy, you’re all there na pala. Sorry. I didn’t notice. Anyway, I just wanna make kwento lang sana about this elevator controversy on social media. It’s so unfair kasi. It’s as if the property manager murdered or made kawawa some less privileged people when in fact, she did not.

One morning kasi, I was in a hurry. Pag-press ko ng elevator, there were like two yayas inside and a driver and another madungis-looking guy. Pagtingin ko sa dalawang yaya, they were like giggling. Yeah, they were like this o, making faces pa. When I hopped in, na-realize ko why they were behaving that way. Gosh, ‘yong blouse ko pala kakulay ng uniform ng isa sa mga yaya. Pati ‘yong design ng pocket, halos pareho. I wanted to die. Promise. I was so like, “Do I stab myself na lang?” But since I was running late na, wala na akong choice. Tongue inah.

Heto pa! Habang pa-down ang elevator, may mga eksena pa sila. The driver was singing this uber annoying OPM. I forgot the title but it went something like, “Neseyo ne eng lehet, patty ang poozo ko…” Eeew. He was like serenading the two yayas who were so kilig. Kainis! I swear, never again!

I was so malas yata that week kasi the next day, when I invited some friends to the condo, may nakasabay naman kaming maid. She was like carrying two brown bags of veggies. ‘Tapos nabutas yata ‘yong isang bag kaya ‘yong stench ng radish and onions kumalat sa buong elevator. My friends hate radish pa naman ‘coz it smells like poopoo. I was so embarrassed. Gusto ko nang mag-vanish sa sobrang hiya. Promise.

It didn’t end there pa. Bad luck comes in threes nga yata. Around 10 o’clock, when I was making hatid my friends sa lobby, sakto namang sumakay ‘yong plumber na laging nagsi-service sa adjacent unit. Kadiri ang amoy huh! I can’t even! Parang lumipat sa damit ko ang smell ng kung anumang corrosive material na nasa toolbox niya. Nakakasira ng gabi! ‘Di ba?!?

Before the week ended, I called the attention of the management. Kasi nga, there’s a service elevator naman for tsima-a-a and drivers and tuberos and construction workers, and other Manongs and Manangs of this world, why are they being allowed to use the freakin’ passenger elevator?!? I mean, I paid millions of pesos for my unit, hellooooo?!! Siguro naman, I have the right to complain ‘di ba?

And that’s not even discrimination. That’s putting things in order. And helllooooo, may nag-complain na bang tsimay o driver d’yan? Nein! Zilch! It’s just those super OA social media people who are raising hell over a non-issue! Again, hellllooooo, it’s been happening like everywhere! Anong problema n’yo?! You haven’t even stayed in a condo so please… shut the hell up.

Anyway, ayoko nang patulan pa ang mga ‘yan. I have better things to do. I’ll shop na lang. You know, when I’m so inis, I spend. Habit ko na ‘yan. Wait! Inday?

Ma’am, nasa baba na po si Berto. Ihahatid ko na po si Katarina. Pwede po ba akong mag-passinjir elebeytor?

Aba, natural! Alangan namang iwan mong mag-isa sa elevator si baby girl.

Ambot sa imo!

Ano’ng sabi mo?

Wala po ma’am.

Good! Pagbalik mo, mag-service elevator ka!

Pisting yawa!

—#—-

1fartSweet!
A 65-year-old Frenchman claims to have developed a pill that makes people’s farts smell sweet – like roses or chocolates. Talk about eau de toilette!

A Frenchman has developed a pill that makes people’s farts smell like chocolates. People will soon be asking, “Who’s eating a Toblerone? Can I have some?”

Ser Chief
On Friday, the drama series ‘Be Careful With My Heart’ aired its last episode. The airing of the finalé shocked so many Filipinos who asked, “You mean, may ‘Be Careful With My Heart pa?!?”
————————————————————————————————————–
“Reducing a group to a slur or stereotype reduces us all.”
~DaShanne Stokes

1condoUntitled
Sound Bites
“It’s hard to please everyone, but this is just how the world is.”
~Katherine P. Garrido, Property Manager, Icon Residences

HAVE A FUN WEEKEND!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News: Pacquiao, ABSCBN News: Ingco; NewsRealBlog.com: Nanny Cartoon;  Poch Ceballos: Memo]

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7 responses

28 11 2014
Mark Flores

“Management has instructed our security guards to strictly implementing this policy.”

sana bago sila naginarte chineck muna nila yung grammar nila.

Like

30 11 2014
manilatoban

Shame on you,Ms. Garrido. You live in an outmoded, archaic world. Your English is even ungrammatical. Shame.

Like

1 01 2015
Brother Dave

Well, if you want to ride in an elevator with dirt, dust and debris from carpenters, painters and other contractors….help yourself. Those who have worked hard and managed their incomes to afford a nice place to live also deserve the benefits being afforded to them via their property management.

Shame on you. You live in a socialist mindset and my English has nothing to do with the thrust of the post.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATIC GOVERNANCE
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL FREE MARKET CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

Like

1 12 2014
Joyce Agojo (@juicy_joycy)

Am i slow or what? Mayor Junjun Atienza?

Like

2 12 2014
professionalheckler

hahaha You didn’t get the joke. (“,)

Like

2 12 2014
Juan Yabo

ino si junjun atienza?

Like

2 12 2014
professionalheckler

You didn’t get the joke. 🙂

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