NOBODY, NOBODY BUT TIU AND OTHER LIGHTBULB JOKES

IT’S BEEN A YEAR since we last posted some light bulb jokes and a lot of things have happened since. It’s time to screw in some more light bulbs.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to change it again even if it’s still working.

Q: How many Vice President Binays does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to deny ownership of the light bulb.

Q: How many Antonio Tius does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one but we know he’s only doing it for someone else.

Q: How many Sen. Antonio Trillaneses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to investigate reports that the old, burnt light bulb was overpriced.

Q: How many Nancy Binays does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to give cake to the old, retired light bulb.

Q: How many Makati City contractors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One but he’ll do it in five phases.

Q: How many US Marine Private First Class Joseph Scott Pembertons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to crush the used light bulb.

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He doesn’t enter rooms with dead light bulbs. He finds it uncomfortable.

Q: How many PNP chief Allan Purisimas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He can do it alone. It’s just an ordinary light bulb anyway.

Q: How many Lito Lapids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to read and explain the instruction manual.

Q: How many Mayor Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to shoot the burnt bulb.

Q: How many CBCP-member bishops does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They rather not. They wanna be stuck in the Dark Ages.

Q: How many Camarines Norte Governor Egay Tallado does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to take a video.

Q: How many Health Asst. Secretary Eric Tayags does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least three. One to change it, and two to hold the ladder.

Q: How many Gilas Pilipinas players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 12. One to change it, one to assist, and 10 to cheer: “#Puso!”

Q: How many members of the NU Bulldogs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team. It’s always a team effort.

Q: How many Tamaraws does it take to change a light bulb?
A: just a feu.

Q: How many UP coaches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’m not sure. UP coaches don’t last as long as light bulbs.

Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to praise God for the gift of light.

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it, one to announce the accomplishment to the whole world, and one to cry on TV in case the new light bulb fails to work.

Q: How many Herbert Bautistas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three and a half. The ceiling is a bit high.

Q: How many Frank Drilons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many taxi drivers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: ‘Wag masyadong umasa. Malamang tanggihan ka lang.

Q: How many taxi drivers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to overcharge you for the bulb.

Q: How many Customs officials and personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Magkano muna?
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“There is no compromise when it comes to corruption. You have to fight it.”
~A. K. Antony

Sound Bites
From whatever angle one views it, Makati City is a bundle of contradictions. It is home to the ultrarich as well as to the extremely poor. Gleaming skyscrapers tower above the dilapidated hovels of slum dwellers. Modern firms operate within a territory controlled by a political family that has wielded power continuously for 28 years.
~Prof. Randy David, ‘Makati’s Contradictions’