AN UNIDENTIFIED man robbed a hapless 11-year-old, pandesal vendor in Caloocan City last week. The suspect took advantage of someone powerless and stole his hard-earned money. He has a very bright future in politics.

Some politicians have reportedly visited the victim and extended support. The politicians praised him for being a hard worker, and then lashed out at the robber for his lack of originality.

An 11-year-old boy who was selling pandesal was robbed of his earnings by an unidentified man in Caloocan City. Reports say the victim has been saving so he could buy a bicycle. Neighbors of the robber say he has been stealing so he could own an air-conditioned piggery.

1.1 oBAMARecord Low
In the latest Social Weather Stations survey, Vice President Binay obtained his lowest net satisfaction rating in four years. The Vice President’s rating dropped by 15°C.

From +67 in the second quarter of the year, Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating plunged to +52 in September. To be fair, the Vice President has maintained the highest satisfaction rating among top government officials (Aquino, Drilon, Sereno, and Belmonte trail him). In fact, Binay leads Belmonte by a wide margin, 39 hectares to be exact.

Black Propaganda?
UNA interim secretary general JV Bautista believes DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is behind Oplan Stop Nognog 2016 – allegedly, a plot to derail Vice President Binay’s presidential bid. The Binay camp is certain that Oplan Stop Nognog is targeting Binay because the operation has Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4 and Phase 5.

Liberal Party allies of Mar Roxas categorically denied the allegation made by JV Bautista that the DILG chief was behind Oplan Stop Nognog 2016. Besides, if Mar was behind that plot, he would have probably called it Oplan Stop Malignong Maliit at Maitim 2016.

In the latest SWS survey, 45 percent of respondents expressed satisfaction with the performance of Congress. While the other 55 percent said, “What performance?!?”

1NOYTuwid Na Daan
According to a Pulse Asia survey, only 29 percent of Filipinos believed that President Aquino fulfilled his promise of ‘Tuwid na Daan.’ The remaining 71 percent admitted experiencing ‘Masikip na Daan.’

Malacañang couldn’t believe the results of the Pulse Asia study. Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda even questioned its timing. The ‘Tuwid na Daan’ survey was conducted from Sept. 8 to 5 and had a margin of error of plus-or-minus Allan Purisima.

1jinggoySame Fate?
A news report says Jinggoy Estrada is suffering from the same illness as Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: arthritis of the neck. The report has been dismissed as baseless and preposterous mostly because Jinggoy doesn’t have a neck.

According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Jinggoy Estrada and former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo have the same ailment. The condition is called cervical spondylosis. It is commonly known as karma.

The Anti-Money Laundering Council has discovered that Bong Revilla lied in his SALN. Among other things.

1zumMass Zumba
Because of heavy rains, Quezon City failed to break the Guinness world record for the largest Zumba class last Sunday. Mayor Herbert Bautista and council must not be sad though because the city has set a world record for most number of tarps, tents, posts, walls, waiting sheds, and billboards with names and images of politicians. Congratulations!

Cellphone Ban
To prevent crime, Bulacan Rep. Gavini Pancho wants to ban the use of cell phones inside banks. Pancho’s suggestion was praised for being brilliant and novel… 12 years ago.

Metro Crime
On the average, 660 criminal acts are committed per week in Metro Manila according to the NCR Police Office. Most crimes are committed on the streets. The rest are in session halls.
“Men kill for many reasons, they steal but for one – greed.”
~Sharon Kay Penman, Falls the Shadow

Sound Bites
“Isipin mo, si vice mayor Mercado nakaupa ng helicopter. In spite of the fact na nasa Witness Protection Program siya, nakuha niya pang magrenta ng helicopter at siya mismo sumakay sa helicopter. So, I wonder, kung may government funds bang nagastos para doon sa aerial survey na ginawa?”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“Like many other politicians, Vice President Jejomar Binay trumpets his rise from poverty to wealth. It is a trope that ethically-challenged, and therefore also creatively-challenged, public relations people use with knee-jerk consistency.”
~Prof. Sylvia Estrada-Claudio

Poll Results

Enjoy your week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


Author: professionalheckler

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