PRESIDENT AQUINO’s net satisfaction rating has dropped 20 percent in June to an all-time low +25. It was +45 in March. Analysts say the only thing that could reverse the trend is for Cory Aquino to die again.

According to the latest Social Weather Stations survey, 55 percent of Filipinos were satisfied with President Aquino’s performance. The rest were Noranians.

President Aquino’s net satisfaction rating is at an all-time low. That explains why his hairline is at an all-time high.

“Use It or Lose It”
Last Monday, the President addressed the nation to defend the controversial Disbursement Acceleration Program. He slammed the Supreme Court for declaring DAP unlawful. President Aquino’s net satisfaction rating has dropped so low the only thing he’s above now is the law.

In a televised address Monday evening, President Aquino defended DAP and criticized the Supreme Court for ruling against it, 13-0. But netizens were divided on the issue: 50 percent were anti-DAP and 50 percent were pro-Supreme Court.

Defending the use of government savings to hasten project implementation, President Aquino said, “Use it or lose it.” Among those who agreed with Aquino on his “Use it or lose it.” line were his Cabinet men, his legal advisers, and his sperm cells.

In his address, President Aquino used popular catchphrases such as “Now na!” and “Excuse me…” When sought for reaction, the opposition said, “Whatevs!”

What a week for Luzon residents! The weather was just terrible. ‘Glenda’ (international name: Rammasun) was one of the most stubborn typhoons we’ve had in years. It was that stubborn PAGASA almost changed its name to ‘Noynoy.’

Packing turbulent winds of up to 185 kph, Typhoon Glenda pummeled Metro Manila and Luzon. Roofs, trees, posts, and billboards fell. The President’s rating can relate.

Dr. Anthony Lontoc of the Taguig-Pateros District Hospital (TPDH) says Gigi Reyes has “suicidal tendencies.” Filipinos are not convinced. They want her to prove it. Now na!

Lawyer Gigi Reyes has been brought back to Camp Bagong Diwa in Taguig from the Philippine Heart Center in Quezon City. A series of separate tests at the Heart Center and TPDH showed similar results: she can act.

As a sign of protest against the dismissal of her case against Vhong Navarro, detained model-wannabe Deniece Cornejo “slashed” her wrist. Your turn Gigi Reyes, your turn.

Just Married
In Mexico, a politician married a crocodile for good luck. In the Philippines, politicians don’t marry crocodiles. They ARE the crocodiles.

1111New Thor
Marvel will soon introduce a new Thor. And she’s a woman. Yes, the son of Odin will soon be transformed into a female character. The story begins with Thor’s visit to Thailand.

The new Thor will be a woman. Her enemies will never ever win – an argument against her.

Marvel has just announced that the new Thor will be a woman. Her superpowers include temper, unpredictability and moodswings.
“Pride is the mother of arrogance.”
~Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

Sound Bites
“I am sure the people do not believe P-Noy stole or pocketed the money.”
~Sen. Sonny Angara on President Aquino’s defense and DAP

Video of the Week
Canadian rapper/songwriter Drake as Manny Pacquiao – HILARIOUS!

Poll Results
Tinanggihan ni Pangulong Aquino ang pagbibitiw ni Sec. Butch Abad. Kung ikaw ang kalihim…

-Igigiit ko pa rin ang pagbibitiw sa puwesto. 81.52%
-Mananatili ako sa puwesto dahil may tiwala pa rin ang pangulo. 10.9%
-Mag-iisip muna ako. Give me time. 7.58%

Stay safe!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, BBC]

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

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