LIST UY!

16 05 2014

napoles
1: Bargaining
2: Acceptance
3: Denial
4: Anger
5: Depression
These are the five stages of a lawmaker’s transactions with Janet Lim-Napoles

1: Bargaining
“Forty percent lang ba ang makukuha ko? Lugi naman yata ako d’yan!”

“Sige na nga… singkwenta na rin. Basta ‘wag n’yo lang sasabihin kay Senator *****! Forty-five lang ‘yong huling bigay ko sa kanya eh.”

2: Acceptance
“Jenny, nakuha ko na ‘yong 23M. Timbrehan kita kung kailan ang sunod na release. Sanga pala, sino ‘yong nag-cater sa ‘yo kagabi sa Heritage? Sarap ng lechon huh.”

3: Denial
“Hindi ko kilala si Janet Lim-Napoles. Ni singkong duling ay wala akong ibinigay sa NGOs niya. Kung meron man ay tiyak na pineke ang pirma ko; pineke ang mga dokumento! ”

4: Anger
“This is political harassment! Pinupulitika ako! Sobra-sobrang pang-aapi na ang ginagawa sa akin at sa aking pamilya. Mga walang puso!”

5: Depression
“Paano ‘pag nakulong ako?”

“Paano na ang plano ko sa 2016?”

“’Pakamatay na lang kaya ako?”

kris2
AT LEAST FOUR versions of the Napoles list have been made public. When sought for reaction, Janet Lim-Napoles said, “If you can’t beat them, confuse them.”

The controversial Napoles list (four versions of it) has been made public. Do you know what that means? Ping Lacson can go back now to doing his job.

At least four versions of the Napoles list have been released to the public. The lists are confusing. Tanda, Pogi and Sexy are high-five-ing.

Several versions of the so-called Napoles list have been made public. Benhur Luy’s files appeared to be the most comprehensive. Even the Black Nazarene was on the list.

A furious Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago attacked Panfilo Lacson for saying she was on the Napoles list. Getting personal, Santiago said Lacson was on the list of “closeted gays or bisexuals in public service.” To which Lacson, replied, “Excuse me, I’m not gay.”

Former senator Robert Barbers was also on the list. He’s still mum on the issue though. Deadma.

Kris
According to the Benhur Luy’s files, Jinggoy Estrada’s transactions with Napoles amounted to 1.6 billion pesos. The same list says then San Juan representative JV Ejercito also transacted with Napoles. The amount transacted was 5 million pesos. Jinggoy couldn’t stop laughing.

Former Pampanga representative and incumbent Energy Regulatory Commission Chair Zenaida Ducut has been consistently mentioned in pork scam-related documents, lists and testimonies. She allegedly pocketed millions in pesos in kickbacks from PDAF funds, and even acted as agent for Napoles. There’s a reason why there’s a ‘cut’ in Ducut.

Northern Samar Representative Emil Ong said congressmen should not be blamed if their pork barrel funds were misused. Lawmakers like Ong is one of the reasons why nature gave us the middle finger.

xfilesIn Other News
The world’s oldest sperm, dating back 17 million years, has been unearthed in Australia. I can’t believe it. I thought Enrile’s from Cagayan?

A leaked hotel elevator security video showed Beyonce’s sister Solange viciously attacking her brother-in-law Jay-Z. Solange has issued a statement denying she’s on a juice diet.

Solange Knowles, who’s also a singer, is reportedly planning to visit the Philippines soon. I hope she gets trapped in the Senate elevator.
———————————————————–
“I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you. I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it!”
~ Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones: The Laws of Gods and Men

Sound Bites
“Nag-transact ako ng P5 million kay Napoles? Diyos ko naman. Hello?! Masyadong maliit.”
~JV Ejercito

Pork Scam Quiz
According to the Benhur files published by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, who was the first senator to become a client of Janet Lim-Napoles?
A: Jinggoy Estrada
B: Lito Lapid
C: Bong Revilla
D: Juan Ponce Enrile
(Answer below)

Poll Results
Nagrereklamo si Jinggoy Estrada. Hindi raw dapat idamay sa lifestyle check ng Ombudsman ang kanyang pamilya. Ano’ng reaksyon mo?

-Kung wala siyang ginawang masama, wala siyang dapat ikatakot. Tama ang Ombudsman. 93.8%
-Tama si Jinggoy. Leave his family alone. 3.65%
-Political harassment! Inaapi ng gobyerno si Jinggoy. 2.55%

Answer to Pork Quiz: B: Lito Lapid

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Senate’s new seal via @JoeyJohn16, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Reuters]

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3 responses

16 05 2014
jude martin (@judemartin19)

Today is “Good Friday” for me. It’s good to end the week laughing like an idiot reading your blog.

Like

16 05 2014
kuya Snob

Reblogged this on PULA and commented:
Dapat ba tayong Maniwala kay Napoles? baka nandadamay lang sya ng mga good guys. since sure kulong na sya, gusto nyang makulong din ang iba. kahit walang kasalanan

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17 05 2014
ainnizisoka

Reblogged this on Halo-Halo and commented:
I hardly talk about current issues, particularly politics, but when I do, I don’t – make it anything funnier than this.

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