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HERBERT, HAIRCUT, AND HYSTERECTOMY

24 04 2014

1MRT
REHABILITATION CZAR and former senator Panfilo Lacson says pork barrel queen Janet Lim-Napoles has linked more than a hundred government officials from both current and previous administrations to the multibillion peso pork barrel scam. Business analysts predict a looming shortage of wheelchairs.

Successful
Suspected pork barrel scam mastermind Janet Lim-Napoles underwent surgery last Wednesday, April 23. Ten doctors operated on her. The surgery was hailed a success. After the operation, Napoles was seen smiling on her way to the recovery room. The doctors were seen laughing all the way to the bank.

It was a successful surgery. The doctors removed Janet Napoles’s entire uterus and two ovaries. Napoles was happy. But the uterus and the ovaries were happier.

Reports say a total of 10 doctors – 7 from St. Luke’s and 3 from Ospital ng Makati performed the surgery on Janet Lim-Napoles. After the surgery, the doctors told Napoles, “Good luck on your recovery.” To which Napoles replied, “Good luck on the BIR.”

In one week, Janet Lim-Napoles is expected to be fully recovered. I’m not sure about her loot though.

Apology
Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada has apologized to Hong Kong for the unfortunate hostage incident in Manila. Filipinos are looking forward to his apology for the unfortunate incident that was Jinggoy Estrada.

Greetings
Rumors say Senator Enrile’s Facebook wall was deluged with birthday greetings last Tuesday. That left him wondering since he was born in February. And then Enrile realized, it was Earth Day.

2J
Kris and Herbert
Kris Aquino is sporting a pixie haircut which reportedly symbolizes a change in her life. The TV host was quoted to have said, “It was the shortest I’ve had since childbirth.” It wasn’t clear though if she’s still talking about the haircut or the boyfriend.

Kris Aquino recently posted Instagram photos pertaining to her rumored boyfriend Herbert Bautista. Remember when Kris made a promise on ‘Aquino&Abunda Tonight’ that she won’t talk about Herbert again? Me neither.

Entertainment editor Ricky Lo says Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista has given up on Kris Aquino. In his defense, he wasn’t the first.

FIRST & EXCLUSIVE! An interview with Kris Aquino’s new haircut

Ano ang feeling na bago ang hitsura mo?

Bongga! Grabe ang init ngayon ‘di ba? So thankful ako kay Ma’am Krissy na nagpagupit siya!

Bakit ba talaga nagpagupit ang iyong amo?

I’m not sure. Baka gusto lang niyang mag-trend aha-ha-ha! Aminin n’yo… pinag-uusapan pa rin s’ya hanggang ngayon. Winner ‘di ba?

Exactly.

Dapat kasi magpapagupit siya before Holy Week. Kaya lang, busy ang mga tao, ‘tapos special programming pa ang ABS-CBN. So sayang naman ang new haircut kung ‘di naman makikita agad nationwide ‘di ba? ‘Di ba!!!?? Sumagot ka! ‘Di ba?!

Sige na nga! And then…

And then, binalak din ni Ma’am Krissy na April 22 siya magpagupit para saktong Earth Day. Eh noong Black Saturday, biglang surface ang lola Gigi Reyes n’yo. Kaloka ‘di ba? Mang-aagaw pa ng eksena. So sabi ni Ma’am Krissy, “Hay naku Boy. Go na talaga. Magpapagupit na talaga ako bukas, Easter Sunday para maloka ang viewers ng A&A sa Monday .” So ‘yon, natuloy rin sa wakas.

2J
So, happy naman ang amo mo sa feedback?

That Monday night, oo! Kasi nga trending ako sa social media ‘di ba? Ang lakas ko raw maka-Jennifer Lawrence, Anne Hathaway, UP Pep Squad, at Doris Bigornia. Pero ang ‘di ko kinaya, ‘yong sabi ni Lourd De Veyra na kamukha ko si Cynthia Luster! Ang luma ng peg huh! Lunes pa lang, #throwbackthursday na?!

At least nag-trend ka.

Ito na nga ang ikinakainis ni Ma’am Krissy. Wala pang 24 hours ang lumilipas, umeksena naman ang Janet Napoles! May tell-all daw tungkol sa pork barrel scam. Hellllllo! Moment ko ‘to ‘di ba? ‘Wag KJ! So nabaling ang atensyon sa babaeng nangangailangan ng nose lift kanya.

What happened next?

Sakto! Nasa taping ng KrissyTV ang amo ko noong Tuesday. Sobrang init ng paligid. Wala siyang masyadong tulog the previous night. Suddenly, before mag-take… tsuk! Hinimatay si Ma’am Krissy. So takbo kami ng hospital. Kaloka. Hindi man lang ako sinuklay ni Darla. Pagdating sa Makati Med… nganga ang mga nurses and doctors nang makita ako at si Ma’am Krissy. Sabi ng bading na kumuha ng BP, “Cynthia Luster nga!” Aha-ha-ha Nakakaloka! ‘Buti ‘di narinig ni Ma’am Krissy. Or else…

So buntis nga ba ang presidential sister?

Hindi ‘noh! I should know. Kasama ko siya lagi. And to be fair to Ma’am Krissy… hindi pa niya isinusuko ang Bataan. Tarlac pa lang. Aha-ha-ha!

Siguro pag-uusapan pa rin ang pregnancy issue sa mga susunod na araw.

Ewan ko. ‘Yan kasing Ping Lacson, umeeksena rin. Ang daming blind items. Tsismoso ang pota. Ba’t kasi ayaw pa niyang pangalanan ang mga hinayupak na magnanakaw na ‘yan nang matigil na. Kabado tuloy sina senador L, G, F, T, R, C, L, atbp.

Sino naman sina L, G, F, T, R, C, L,?

Mag-research ka. Naimbento na ang Google. ‘Wag kang tamad.

Ok. Last, paglilinaw lang: break na ba ang amo mo at si Mayor Herbert?

Nooooooooo. They’re very much in love. Ako ang buhok niya. Alam ko ang nasa takbo ng utak ni Ma’am Krissy. Believe me.

2J
Thanks for the info. Last question, kung magiging buhok ka ni Pangulong Aquino… anong gupit ang gusto mo?

Eh kung ikaw na lang kaya ang maging buhok niya?

‘To naman! Masyadong choosy. Sige. Buhok ni Pangulong Aquino o buhok ni Secretary Butch Abad?

Death! Aha-ha-ha! Cynthia Luster forever!
——————————————————————
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
~Lemony Snicket

Sound Bites
“Dahil whatever we have in the past, I still believe na Secretary De Lima is the right person na in-approach niya because no-nonsense at saka more or less na hindi isa-sanitize ang information na ibibigay.”
~Panfilo Lacson on Janet Napoles’s decision to talk to DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima

Poll Results
Sang-ayon ka ba sa mungkahi ni Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago na maging state witness si Gigi Reyes?

HELL, NO! Pare-pareho lang sila! Burn them. 51.03%
WHY NOT? Basta sabihin niyang lahat ang kanyang nalalaman sa PDAF scam. 47.42%
Mga judgmental! Wala siyang kasalanan. Nagamit lang siya ni Enrile! 1.55%

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos courtesy of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Lui Andrada IG and Kris Aquino IG]

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