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OF ROBBERS AND LOVERS

7 04 2014

1MRT
MALACAÑANG has apologized to suffering MRT commuters for the long lines. Yes, for some time now, lines have been really long at the MRT. The only thing longer was the time it took Malacañang to make that apology.

Traffic
The Department of Public Works and Highways has scheduled re-blockings on parts of Edsa. Expect monstrous traffic jams and do not lose your cool. To be fair to the government, it only promised ‘tuwid na daan,’ not ‘maluwag na daan.’

Innocent
Amid calls for indicted senators to take a vacation, Jinggoy Estrada said there was no reason for him to take a leave of absence because, “I’m innocent of the charges,” and “My conscience is clear.” In the interest of fairness, we will try to get the side of his conscience.

1gClinton and Pacman
Former US President Bill Clinton who met Manny Pacquiao on the set of ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ was all praises for Pacman. Clinton says Congressman Pacquiao is a “great role model” in the Philippines because he is honest. And because Pacquiao is honest, Clinton can’t believe he’s a congressman.

Arroyo’s Birthday
Former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo turned 67 last April 5. Malacañang wished Mrs. Arroyo “happiness.” The ‘wish’ was relayed to her in advance – last April 1.

1afuangAfuang
Former Pagsanjan, Laguna Mayor Abner Afuang was photographed burning a Chinese flag to denounce China’s “bullying” of Filipinos on Ayungin Shoal. Since the ’90s, Afuang has been burning flags to denounce perceived abuses. When are we going to see him burn pork barrel thieves?

Grand Lotto
The Grand Lotto jackpot is expected to hit more than 260 million pesos this week. Again, that’s more than 260 million pesos! This is your chance to get very rich without a sweat. Option 2: Become a senator.

Martilyo Gang
Suspected members of ‘Martilyo Gang’ attacked yet another branch of SM Malls recently. This time, the suspects tried to rob a jewelry store at SM Mall of Asia. But the team of police deployed at SM MOA was quick to respond, and the thieves were arrested. Which begs the question, why don’t we send the same team of police to the Senate or Congress!

NPA Strikes
Members of the leftist New People’s Army attacked a Chinese mining firm in Agusan Del Norte, torching heavy equipment and seizing six shotguns from the guards. Even China was like, “With ‘friends’ like that, who needs enemies?”

1jHerbert and Kris
Kris Aquino posted a family dinner photo on Instagram Saturday night. Her rumored suitor, Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista was with them. Sources say Kris finds Herbert a reliable potential boyfriend. And Herbert finds Kris a reliable potential endorser. (UPDATE: On Monday night, Kris Aquino admitted that she and Bistek were dating.]

Two Decades
Internet in the Philippines turned 20 last week. It’s been 20 years since you first flirted online, and still, no luck. Try harder.

Anne’s BF
Anne Curtis’s boyfriend, Erwan Heussaff lashed back at netizens who have been posting “jellyfish jokes.” Erwan called them “idiots” and “judgmental asses.” What a supportive bf! Anne must be so proud of him. Let’s drink to that!
————————————————————–
“In the absence of justice, what is sovereignty but organized robbery?”
~Saint Augustine

Sound Bites
“And if the lines are long, we sincerely apologize to our fellow citizens about this difficulty. We are in the process now of acquiring the coaches.”
~Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda to MRT riders

“Bakit ako magli-leave of absence? Malinis ang aking konsensya. Wala akong kasalanan. Wala akong ninakaw sa taumbayan.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

Cringe-Worthy
This has been circulating online. Watch at your own risk. (You’ve been warned!)

Poll Results
Matapos irekumenda ng Ombudsman na sila ay kasuhan, dapat na bang magbitiw sa kanilang puwesto sina Enrile, Revilla at Estrada?
Dapat lang. Mahiya naman sila. 90.85%
Kapag inaresto na lang. 4.93%
Hindi! Hindi pa naman sila convicted. 4%

Have a fun and safe week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Thanks to the Manila Bulletin; Yahoo! Sports, Lito Diaz/ABS-CBNNews.Com and Kris Aquino/IG]

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2 responses

7 04 2014
Ronie Cacho Guinggve

consistently magaling ka talaga heckler. well, this edition is a favorite. sik2x ang tawa ko dito

Like

27 09 2014
sehr gesundes obst und gemüse

sehr gesundes obst und gemüse

OF ROBBERS AND LOVERS | The Professional Heckler

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