JANET LIM-NAPOLES was emotional inside the courtroom last week. She begged that she be allowed to be confined and operated on because she’s experiencing unbearable pain. When she was rushed to the hospital though, doctors found nothing urgent and she was immediately discharged. They gave her painkillers and a congratulatory note that said “Nice try!”

Last week, an emotional Janet Lim-Napoles appealed that she be allowed to undergo medical examination at the posh St. Luke’s Medical Center saying, “Matagal ko nang tinitiis ang sakit. Maawa naman kayo.” The judge allowed a check up not at St. Luke’s though, but at the Ospital ng Makati where a series of tests revealed she was in a very stable condition. Doctors classified her disease as ‘choosy.’

The lawyer of Janet Lim-Napoles said a broken hospital equipment at the Ospital ng Makati turned her off. The hospital equipment responded, “The feeling is mutual.”

In case the court allows it, suspected pork barrel scam queen Janet Lim-Napoles will pay for her surgery. Her lawyer says she’ll use her own money not taxpayers’ money. What’s the difference?

Jinggoy Estrada assures the public that in case the Ombudsman files a [non-bailable] plunder case against him, he is so ready. To which Fort Sto. Domingo said, “Ako rin!”

Bong Revilla was quoted to have said that in 2016 he would seek the presidency. The ‘presidency’ replied, “No, thanks.”

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago says idiots should not be allowed to run for president. I say idiots who have gotten used to electing idiots should not be allowed to vote.

Senator Ralph Recto has proposed the creation of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts where photos of the most wanted felons could be posted. For Filipinos to know the identity of the country’s biggest criminals, they just have to visit those social media accounts. Option 2: visit Senate or Congress.

1thievesBig Fish
High-ranking officials of the Communist Party of the Philippines-New People’s Army were arrested Saturday in Cebu. But CPP-NPA founding chair Jose Maria Sison says the arrest of his comrades won’t stop the “armed revolution.” Sison sent the statement straight from the Netherlands ‘70s.

According to the Philippine Star, CPP-NPA leaders Benito and Wilma Tiamzon are in charge of the communist movement in the country since their founding chairman Jose Maria Sison resides in Europe. Arrested last Saturday, the powerful Tiamzons were the most wanted communist leaders in the country. Congratulations to the second most wanted. You have been promoted!

1kidYoung Daredevil
Justin Alexander Casquejo, a 16-year-old Filipino-American sneaked past security and made his way to the 104th floor of One World Trade Center in New York City. From there, he took the stairs to the rooftop all the way up to the antenna – UNDETECTED. Authorities gave him the nickname, ‘MH370.’

On Twitter, Justin Alexander Casquejo apologized. One World Trade Center security should do the same.

On Sunday, March 23, OK – the world’s most-used word turned 175 years old. Documents showed it was first uttered by a baby named Juan Ponce Enrile.

Giant Cat
An amusing Japanese commercial shows the refreshing power of a chewing gum. When a man took the piece of the gum, a giant cat appeared and carried him to work. Viewers described the cat who carried the man as adorable. Kim Henares described the cat as a good taxpayer.

1kidTurkey vs Twitter
Following reports of corruption involving senior government officials, the Turkish prime minister has ordered a ban on Twitter saying it allows “character assassination.” Or as we call that here in the Philippines, “character description.”

Cocaine and Condoms
In Berlin, a German newspaper revealed that authorities seized a cocaine shipment destined for the Vatican last January. Now we know why Pope Francis is so cool.

Reports say the cocaine bound for the Vatican was packed into 14 condoms. Defending the Vatican, a furious cardinal said, “We’re against condoms!”
“From the naturalistic point of view, all men are equal. There are only two exceptions to this rule of naturalistic equality: geniuses and idiots.”
~ Mikhail Bakunin

Sound Bites
“Ako, gusto ko ring mag-cleansing sa Senado, kung pwede lang ba dahil non-educable nga sila. Naging propesor ako sa UP but I’ve never seen such a group so resistible to education as the Philippine Senate.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

“I seriously apologize to anyone who may have been insulted or felt disrespected by my actions. It was not my intention to do so.”
~Fil-Am teen Justin Casquejo who climbed 1 World Trade Center

Have a peaceful week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Rappler, Getty Images]

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler


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