HAPPY BIRTHDAY President Aquino! The President turned 54 on February 8. You know the President is getting old when his age is now higher than his net satisfaction rating.

The President was born on February 8, 1960. He’s an Aquarian. According to astrologers, Aquarians are “inefficient” and “detached.” To which the President reacted, “Excuse me! I am not inefficient.”

President Aquino just turned 54. He’s still single but is very much hopeful. Related: Hugh Hefner was 87 when he married Crystal Harris.

When reporters asked about his birthday wish, the President answered, “Better communities, more resilient to disasters.” The answer was applauded, and he went on to win 1st runner-up.

Noy License
Two days before he turned 54, President Aquino went to LTO Tayuman to renew his driver’s license. A palace statement said, “The President, who has rejected the so-called wang-wang mentality since he assumed office in 2010, waited in line along with other license applicants.” Fortunately, the whole process was really fast. The only thing faster was Malacanang’s drafting of that press release.

Last Thursday, President Aquino waited in line at LTO-Tayuman to renew his driver’s license. Or as The Daily Tribune would say, “Aquino loiters, wastes time at LTO”

According to an LTO officer, “The President was surprised at how fast his license was processed.” The whole process was completed in just 26 minutes. Or in President Aquino’s terms, “four sticks.”

Even ordinary folks who queued up for a new license at the LTO were surprised at how fast the processing was. They’re not used to that speed. It was like being “raped” by Vhong Navarro.

ruby jinggoy
THE COLD days are over. Summer is here soon. In fact, right now Jinggoy Estrada and Juan Ponce Enrile are feeling the heat.

Ruby Tuason, Erap Estrada’s friend and former social secretary is back! Tagged in the multi-billion peso pork scam, Tuason admitted, in a sworn statement, that she delivered pork barrel kickbacks to Jinggoy and Enrile since 2004! A rabid Estrada said Tuason’s allegation was a lie. It was 2005.

Jinggoy Estrada was furious. He told ABS-CBN News that Tuason brought him pancit, empanaditas and sandwiches only. And we all thought he was on a diet then.

According to Justice Secretary Leila De Lima, Ruby Tuason’s statement which corroborates the whistle-blowers’ testimony against suspected pork scammers is a “slam dunk evidence.” But even before Tuason’s statement could be made public, Jinggoy Estrada told the press he knew Tuason would pin him down. Now that’s goal tending.

The “slam dunk evidence” that was announced by Secretary De Lima was just a “lay up” according to Jinggoy Estrada. That’s FOUL! Tuason’s shot was counted.

Jinggoy Estrada said Ruby Tuason’s testimony was just a “lay up.” He insisted that “In the end, the truth will prevail and I will be vindicated.” Let’s see if he could rebound.

Addressing Ruby Tuason on TV, Jinggoy Estrada said, “Tita Ruby naman, let’s go straight to the facts. Sana po ‘wag naman tayong magsinungaling. Don’t concoct stories. Sabihin naman natin ‘yong totoo.” Even Jinggoy’s conscience was like, “That’s it. I give up.”

In her sworn affidavit, Ruby Tuason, a close friend of the Estradas, revealed Jinggoy Estrada would receive a 40-percent kickback for every pork transaction. In a televised interview, Jinggoy Estrada referred to Tuason as ‘tita.’ For a moment, I thought he said, “kita.”

Following Ruby Tuason’s revelations, rumors say Jinggoy Estrada is keen on delivering another privilege speech. Cong. Boyet Gonzales’s heart skipped a beat.

According to Jinggoy, Ruby Tuason only came back to “save her neck.” Today, Tuason responded by saying, “Because unlike him, I have a neck to save. Tse!”

Raymond Fortun is the new lawyer-spokesman of mauling suspect, multimillionaire Cedric Lee. Fortun denied rumors though that he’s a better liar than Howard Calleja.

According to the 2013 Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study, 1 out of 3 Filipino youth (mostly in the 20-24 age bracket) had premarital sex. The other two were ‘still looking’ and ‘getting frustrated.’
“Pigs are dirty, but I will tell you something dirtier: Liars! Untruth always smells like rotten garbage!”
~ Mehmet Murat ildan

Sound Bites
“Malinis ang kunsensya ko. I can look straight into your eyes Tita Ruby, you never brought any money to me.”
~JINGGOY Estrada

“The truth will set you free, as they say. So I decided to tell the truth so I don’t have to fear anyone. I don’t have to hide.”
~RUBY Tuason, close family friend and former Estrada aide

Here’s the lone Filipino Winter Olympian in Sochi, Russia: Michael Christian Martinez


Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Official Gazette, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Philippine Star, ABS-CBN News,, AP]

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

One thought on “SLAM DUNK”

  1. Is this real?

    Translated from the article: “Those who have these surnames prove whether or not living in Spain may obtain dual citizenship.”

    ¡Atención! Si tu apellido aparece en esta lista podrás recibir nacionalidad española

    Este nuevo proyecto pretende reconocer como ciudadanos a los descendientes de judíos expulsados en 1492.

    list of surnames too many and too long to post here


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