DARTH MAUL (LAST NA ‘TO, PROMISE!)

IT’S BEEN MORE than a week since the mauling incident happened. Are you still following the news about Vhong Navarro, Cedric Lee and Deniece Cornejo?
No?
Liar.

Reports say Cedric Lee has connections in high places: the NBI, the PNP, the AFP, and other government units. Janet Lim-Napoles is starting to get insecure.

Mauling suspect Cedric Lee has denied allegations of extortion. The infamous businessman asks, ‘why would a rich person like him take someone else’s money?’ Helllllooo! Lawmakers.

According to Cedric Lee, there was no reason for him to extort money from Vhong Navarro because he’s rich and he’s got a number of businesses. His friends concurred. Deniece Cornejo agreed. Kim Henares smiled.

This Cedric Lee who was also accused of mauling decathlete David Bunevacz is Vina Morales’s ex-partner. Now we know why Vina had to maintain that muscular physique.

Reports say Cedric Lee graduated from De La Salle University with a Bachelor’s degree in Business Management Major in Mauling. I mean, no. La Salle doesn’t offer mauling courses. Apologies.

The camp of Vhong Navarro met last week with DILG Sec. Mar Roxas. To address Vhong’s safety concerns, the DILG chief immediately ordered additional police presence at his residence. Again, Vhong is lucky to have survived the ordeal, and even luckier that he’s not a Romualdez.

Top 10 Movie Remakes Starring Cedric Lee and Friends (With the special participation of Vhong Navarrro)

No. 10: PotoToy Story

No. 9: Set Up: Revolution

No. 8: Dragon Maul Z

No. 7: You’ve Got Jail

No. 6: Badfellas

No. 5: Kakabakaba ka Vhong?

No. 4: The Wolf of Boni High Street

No. 3: Extort Trek

No. 2: Despicable Lee

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Cedric Lee and friends:

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Vhong

Lucky
According to feng shui practitioner Anthony Fugoso, President Aquino should get married to reverse his (predicted) bad luck this year. And his potential wife was like, “What about me? How do I reverse mine?”
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“Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.”
~ Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight

Sound Bites
“Wala po akong pakialam kung murahin ako ng buong Pilipinas. Hindi ko kailangan ang palakpak ng buong taong bayan. ‘Di ko kailangang maniwala sila sa akin. And ‘di ako tatakbo sa politics, ‘di ko kailangan ang boto nila. ‘Di rin po ako mag-a-artista o magsho-showbiz, murahin nila ako kung gusto nila.”
~Businessman Cedric Lee, suspect in the serious illegal detention, serious physical injuries, grave threats, grave coercion, unlawful arrest, and blackmail case filed by Vhong Navarro

Have a great week ahead! Be human.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer. Push.ABS-CBN.Com, PCIJ]