SENATOR JUAN Ponce Enrile delivered a personal rant privilege speech Wednesday afternoon. He devoted 40 precious Senate minutes to not talking about the pork barrel scam.

In his 20-page speech, Senate majority leader Juan Ponce Enrile lashed out at Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago. He called the feisty lawmaker inane, psychotic, deranged, and schizophrenic.  Sought for reaction, Senator Miriam said, “Kaloka s’ya!

On Wednesday, Nov. 27, Senator Enrile delivered a privilege speech. He spent 40 minutes reading a 20-page psychiatric report.

Supporters of Sen. Manny Villar denied rumors they released Senator Santiago’s alleged psychiatric record.

Senator Enrile also mocked Senator Santiago’s performance  in the bar exams. He revealed that her final grade was only 76. Enrile will never forget that number because that was his age when Miriam passed the bar.

Reacting to Senator Santiago’s “May asim pa si Tanda” quip, the 89-year-old lawmaker said, “Hindi ako naaasiman sa kanya.” Apparently, stem cell treatment doesn’t just stop aging. It makes you think and behave like a 7-year-old.

In his speech, Senator Enrile dismissed some of Senator Santiago’s allegations as fabricated. The veteran politician said, “I never murdered anyone during all of my almost 90 years on this planet.” To which, the ‘70s reacted, “Ulol!”

Senator Enrile said he’s never murdered nobody during all of his almost 90 years on the planet. Well, there was almost one. But fake ambush doesn’t count, right?

Senate majority leader Juan Ponce Enrile insisted, “I never murdered anyone during all of my almost 90 years on this planet.” When Ferdinand Marcos heard this, he slapped Satan.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago declined to comment on Senator Enrile’s speech. However, she promised to retaliate on December 4. In related news, the Mayan prophecy has been re-scheduled this year.

ALManny vs. BIR
The BIR is going after Sarangani Representative Manny Pacquiao for more than P2B in unpaid taxes. Some lawmakers lament, “How can you do this to our boxing champion? He brought pride and honor to our country.” I guess I have to drop my plans of not filing a complete and accurate ITR next year. I have to bring honor and pride to this country first.

Some lawmakers are criticizing the BIR for doing its job. Are you out of your mind? Have you guys forgotten that the BIR is responsible for collecting billions of pesos you’ll eventually plunder? How ungrateful!

On Manny Pacquiao’s tax evasion case, a furious Mommy Dionisia told ABS-CBN News, “Pira na lang sila nang pira. ‘Yung nangurakot sa gobyerno ba’t ‘di nila tinutukan!” This has prompted Tanda, Pogi, and Sexy to reply, “O, ba’t naman kami nadamay d’yan!”

Abdul Farid
Controversial folk singer Freddie Aguilar has married his girlfriend. Close friends of Ka Freddie say the 16-year-old girl is beautiful; his family says the girl is nice, and ex-congressman Romeo Jalosjos says the girl is old.

Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine is PEOPLE Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ for 2013. Better luck next time, Jinggoy.

PEOPLE Magazine has named Adam Levine as the Sexiest Man Alive. A number of people were disappointed with the choice of the Maroon 5 frontman. Well, at least it was not E.R. Ejercito.

Taking ‘political responsibility’ for a tragic supermarket collapse that killed at least 54 people and injured dozen others, Latvia’s Prime Minister Valdis Dombrovskis and his government resigned. When President Aquino heard this, he asked, “Don’t they have a previous administration to blame?”
“Age is no guarantee of maturity.”
~Lawana Blackwell

Sound Bites
“I’m very disappointed because what I’m doing is protecting the interest of the government at lahat ng tao dapat sumunod sa batas. Eh ‘di ba congressman siya? Siya dapat ang unang-unang susunod sa mga batas sa Pilipinas, at siya ang unang dapat makaintindi na kung may nilabag siyang batas ay may consequence ‘yan.”
~BIR Commissioner Kim Henares

“Kawawa naman. Political Henaresment ang ginagawa.”
~Sen. JV Ejercito

“He gave inspiration to the victims, ‘tapos gano’n?!”
~ Sen. Tito Sotto


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA Network, ABS-CBN News, PEOPLE]

Author: professionalheckler

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