JESUS THE TWEETER AND OTHER STORIES

28 09 2013

THE $1.475 million condo unit of Jeane Napoles in California is reportedly up for sale. The 1,500 square foot-Ritz Carlton property has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and 12 bathtubs.

1BL

Following the court’s order to freeze the bank accounts of Janet Lim-Napoles, Lorna Kapunan said the Napoles children couldn’t even access their ATM accounts to buy gasoline for their cars.” To which Payatas residents reacted, “Hiyang-hiya naman kami sa bigat ng problema n’yo!”

Tax Evasion
The Bureau of Internal Revenue filed tax evasion charges against Janet Lim-Napoles and her husband Jimmy. The couple did not remit some 61 million pesos in taxes. Napoles’ lawyer Lorna Kapunan insists, “It’s a simple case of misdeclaration.” Ulol!

Janet Lim-Napoles is now facing kidnapping charges, illegal detention charges, tax evasion charges and of course, Attorney Kapunan’s charges.

Disqualified
The Commission on Elections disqualified Laguna governor E.R. Ejercito for overspending in the last elections. He was allowed to spend 4.5 million pesos only but he spent 6 million pesos for TV ads alone! From Asiong Salonga to Asiong Aksaya.

For TV ads alone, Laguna governor ER Ejercito spent 6 million pesos. That’s the reason why he’s being punished. ER is still lucky though because there’s no law against extremely annoying ads.

1BL
The Comelec disqualified Laguna Governor ER Ejercito for overspending. But the poll body clarified that the “El Presidente” actor overspent for Laguna voters, and NOT for PMPC and FAMAS voters as erroneously reported.

For overspending in the last elections, the gubernatorial post of Ejercito in Laguna is now in ER.

Millionaire
According to the wealth management unit of Royal Bank of Canada, Asia will have the world’s largest number of millionaires by 2014. And that’s just in Philippine Congress.

1BLThe Proposal
On Friday night, a party-list representative proposed to her girlfriend during the national budget deliberations in the Lower House. When Magdalo Rep. Ace Acedillo popped the question, his girlfriend Maria Paz Ocampo said yes. Congressmen erupted in cheers while House Majority Leader Boyet Gonzales shouted, “Pa-burger ka naman! Burger! Burger!”

Climate Change
A United Nations report says scientists are 95 percent sure that humans are to blame for at least half of climate change. Jinggoy Estrada questioned the report and called it selective.

1BLJesus Tweets
Vatican cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi says Jesus was the world’s “first tweeter” because his messages were short but meaningful. Meanwhile, cavemen claimed they were the first Facebookers because they posted images on walls.

A Vatican cleric says Jesus was the world’s “first tweeter.” And Judas was like, “I know right. He blocked me!”

1BL
According to Vatican Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi, Jesus was the “world’s first tweeter.” However, Ravasi refused to confirm rumors that Jesus also attempted to Instagram a photo of two fish and five loaves of bread.

Buddha was much older than Jesus. He must have been the first to join Friendster.

Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi says Jesus was the world’s “first tweeter” because His “messages were short, but often powerful, much like the way many people communicate on Twitter today.” With the exception of Chicser and PBB Teens fanatics!
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“Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.”
~ Benjamin Franklin

Sound Bites
“If you violated the law, sorry, but everyone should follow the law.”
~ Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. on ER Ejercito

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: ABS-CBNNews.Com, Yahoo! OMG, PEP, Telegraph]

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One response

10 10 2013
Steven Pabalinas

Hahahaha…antindi mo tol!!! Idol!!!

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