SEXY TIME!

26 09 2013

[This blog post is brought to you in part by Jollibee. Dito sa Jollibee, Beeda ang sarap.]

EVERYONE is talking about Jinggoy Estrada’s privilege speech. In case you missed it, here’s a summary of the 17-page rant AS UNDERSTOOD by the ordinary Filipino who listened to him.

e
“THE UNTOLD PDAF STORY THAT THE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW”
(Actually, matagal n’yo nang alam; ngayon lang pumutok)

Mr. President, Colleagues in this Chamber, Mga Kababayan:

Tang-ina.

Pikon na pikon na pikon na ako!

Bakit ba kami lang?

Kami, kami, kami! Lagi na lang kami!

Kami lang ba ang nagnakaw?!

Si Boyet Gonzales na kakampi ng Pangulo – nagnakaw! Nasa COA Report ‘yan!

Si An Waray Party-List Rep. Florencio Noel – nagnakaw! Nasa COA Report ‘yan!

Sina Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Alan Peter Cayetano, Manny Villar at Kiko Pangilinan – posibleng nagnakaw. Nasa COA Report ‘yan!

So bakit kami lang?
Tang-ina huh nakakahalata na talaga ako.

Speaking of COA, mga gago kayo! Maglalabas din lang kayo ng report, kulang-kulang pa!

‘Tsaka bawal ilabas ang isang report ‘pag ‘di pa nabibigyan ng kopya ang ahensyang inaudit ‘di ba? Nasa COA resolution ‘yan! Mga bobo!

untitled2
Ikaw COA Chairman Grace Pulido-Tan, biyahera ka! ‘Tapos sasabihin mo, kahindik-hindik ang findings n’yo? Ang OA mo!

‘Yong audit sa PDAF nina Abad, Ungab, Trillanes, Cayetano at Roxas… sinulyapan n’yo lang. Pero ang audit sa PDAF namin nina Pareng Bong at Manong Johnny… grabe kung titigan!

Selective justice is injustice. ‘Yon lang!

Sandali.
May bombshell nga pala ako. Akala n’yo wala? Promise, bombshell talaga ‘to.

At dahil kaibigan ko si Manay Lolit Solis, idadaan ko ang aking bombshell sa blind item.

Da Who?!
Da who itong senador na nag-offer ng additional pondo sa bawat senador na nag-convict kay ex-CJ Corona?

Ang sabi ni senador: Da you convict Corona, da me give you 50 million peso-pesoses.

Ang sabi pa ni senador: Da offer is a secret. Da confidential letter for your eyes only.

Da who itong si senador na nag-offer ng milyones sa mga kapwa senador na nagpatalsik kay Corona?

Clue: May kunek ang kanyang pangalan sa isang lalaking sumikat nang magpalipad ng saranggola habang umuulan at kumikidlat. May plunder case siya ngayon at may picture din kasama si Janet Napoles. Itago na lang natin siya sa code name na… Dambuhalang Frog. ‘Yun na!

Sa madaling salita, matapos ang impeachment trial ni Corona, LAHAT ng nagpatalsik sa kanya, binigyan ng 50 million. Lahaaat! Maliban sa akin. Ako na ang malinis!

Ngunit ang higit na kahindik-hindik, alam itong lahat ni Budget Secretary Butch Abad.
Ultimo pagboto ng mga kongresista sa impeachment ni Merceditas Gutierrez, binraso rin niya! Ang ‘di boboto – walang pondo! You have no mercy! What a bad person!

janet 1
Balik tayo sa PDAF.
Wala na kayong nakita kundi si Janet!
Dose-dosena ang bogus NGOs pero ang pinagdidiskitahan n’yo ay si Janet!
Si Janet, si Janet, si Janet! Si Janet na walang malay!

Kayong taga-media… wala ba talaga kayong kasawa-sawa sa akin? Nagbabarilan na sa Zamboanga pero ‘di pa rin n’yo ako nilulubayan? Ano pa bang diversion ang gusto n’yo: Ondoy Part 2? Lindol? Bombahan? Be fair naman.

In closing…
(Hay salamat, patapos na. Tang-ina kasi ang sumulat ng speech na ito. Sobrang haba. Nabubulol pa ako sa ibang words!)

In closing, wala akong itatanggi sa mga akusasyon ng COA.
Mahirap nang sumabit. Eh kung itanggi ko tapos may ebidensya pala, baka magmukha akong sinungaling at tanga! Wa-is ‘to ‘noh!

Nakakalungkot lang dahil nabiktima tayong lahat ng maling sistema.
Panahon na para itama ang maling kalakaran.
Kapag nagawa natin ‘yan saka lamang natin masasabing may tuwid na daan.

At sa mga pilit na nag-aakusa sa amin,
Tang-ina n’yo!
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

Magandang hapon at maraming salamat… sa aking staff who are all in orange. Paandar!

-End of Summary-

JUST IN: The office of Senator Jinggoy Estrada would like to clarify that his speech was 17-page long… not 35-22-36 as erroneously reported.

In a privilege speech Monday, Jinggoy Estrada attacked the report of COA. He then used the same report to attack his colleagues.

1BLBoyet’s Burgers
Jinggoy Estrada revealed that Mandaluyong Rep. Boyet Gonzales had transactions worth P6.6M with Jollibee. Shortly after Jinggoy’s speech, Jollibee issued a statement denying any responsibility for Congressman Gonzales’ weight gain.

Based on Jinggoy Estrada’s estimate, Mandaluyong Rep. Boyet Gonzales purchased some 200,000 pieces of hamburger from Jollibee — to the utter shock and disappointment of Benjamin Abalos who thought he was the congressman’s exclusive burger supplier.

Cong. Boyet Gonzales clarified that the amount mentioned by Jinggoy Estrada represented 190 transactions with Jollibee over a period of three years. He claimed that food items from Jollibee were purchased during his birthday to feed children in day care centers. Sought for comment, the children said, “Hindi kami gano’n katakaw! Umayos ka!”

Further reacting to Jinggoy’s exposé, Cong. Boyet Gonzales says he won’t retaliate inside the Lower House. ‘Take out’ na lang daw.

1BL
Jinggoy Estrada also revealed that An Waray Party-list Rep. Florencio Noel infused some P25M in pork barrel funds to Mandaluyong City. In case you didn’t know, Mandaluyong City is now part of Eastern Visayas or Region 8.

But An Waray Rep. Florencio Noel insisted he did nothing wrong. He also denied rumors that a portion of his PDAF was used to buy food at Burger Machine.

Bribe or Incentive?
Jinggoy Estrada revealed that 50 million pesos in additional funding was offered to each senator who convicted former Chief Justice Renato Corona in May 2012. Again, that’s 50 million pesos. Or as Boyet Gonzales would call it, “a Jollibee franchise.”

According to Jinggoy Estrada, senators who convicted Renato Corona were each offered an incentive of 50 million pesos. #throwbackthursday

Interpellated by Franklin Drilon though, Jinggoy Estrada clarified that the “50 million per senator” offer was not as good as a bribe. But it was definitely a good soundbite.

Panfilo Lacson confirmed that then Senate finance committee chairman Franklin Drilon offered a 50 million peso-incentive to each senator who voted to oust Renato Corona. Drilon denied it. Out of force of habit.

The System
Jinggoy Estrada said, “I believe that we all here are victims of a flawed system.” And the ‘flawed system’ was like, “Victim mo mukha mo!”

The senator added, “The recent events which unfolded before us have given us the chance to finally REFORM the system.” To which the ‘system’ replied, “You first!”

1BLThe Megastar
When Jinggoy Estrada mentioned Kiko Pangilinan’s name in his speech, Sharon Cuneta tweeted a challenge: if anyone could prove that her husband pocketed even a single centavo from his PDAF, she would leave him. Kiko Pangilinan replied, “Delete that tweet hon! DELETE THAT TWEET!”

Sharon Cuneta said if anyone could prove that Kiko Pangilinan pocketed public funds, “I would leave him.” Not to be outdone, Gigi Reyes said if anyone could prove that Juan Ponce Enrile pocketed public funds, “I would leave him too.”

Sharon Cuneta said if anyone could prove that Kiko Pangilinan pocketed public funds, “I would leave him.” Not to be outdone, Lani Mercado said if anyone has proof that Bong Revilla pocketed public funds, “Keep it to yourself!”

Sharon Cuneta said if anyone could prove that Kiko Pangilinan pocketed public funds, “I would leave him.” Not to be outdone, Jewel May Lobaton-Pimentel said, if anyone could prove that Koko Pimentel pocketed public funds, “Thank you!”

To be fair to Sharon, she did not attack Jinggoy on Twitter. And to be fair to Jinggoy, she’s sexier than Sharon.
———————————————————
“It’s hard to steal somebody’s shoes while they are wearing them and not have them notice. But that’s what politicians have done in this country.
”
~ Jarod Kintz

Sound Bites
“Wala siyang idineny sa aming findings. Wala siyang sinabi na nagkamali kami sa sinabi namin sa aming PDAF, wala, nothing. For me that’s great, it’s a vindication for us na siya mismo na natukoy doon sa audit ng PDAF ay walang reklamo sa lumabas na findings.”
~COA Chair Grace Pulido-Tan reacting to Jinggoy Estrada’s privilege speech

Laglagan naaaa!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler, Anwaray.Com, WinGatchalian.Com, @Sharon_Cuneta12]

Advertisements

Actions

Information

5 responses

26 09 2013
SusPyre COM

the most entertaining and irritating post by far. entertaining dahil ang galing at natatawa ako sa post. kaso nakakairita dahil duda ko lahat na lang ng ginagawa ng mga senatong ay laging may kaakibat na suhol!

Like

26 09 2013
cheli422

Reblogged this on Fifty Shades of Pink Blog and commented:
Yeah yeah, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada is “sexy”. Gosh, what lies are they feeding us nowadays? -_-

Like

26 09 2013
cheli422

Reblogged in fiftyshadesofpink422.wordpress.com

Like

27 09 2013
Richmond

Hamonadong hamonado ang look ni Jinggoy despite losing weight.

Like

28 09 2013
Gepril Gloria

thanks for the relevant post. Please, if you have spare time you can drop and visit to my site http://www.juanblogs.com. Your comment will be much appreciated.

thanks and more blogs!

Like

Say something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: