BREAKING: The United States has dropped its plan to attack Syria. In fact, the US government and Syria have agreed to talk peace. This was announced last night by Vice President Jejomar Binay.

On Friday night, Vice President Jejomar Binay announced that the government and the MNLF agreed to observe a ceasefire. The next day, Defense Secretary Voltaire Gazmin denied it. The military then attacked the rebels. The rebels attacked the soldiers. And netizens attacked Binay.

Reports say the military and the MNLF refused to observe a ceasefire… while some analysts believe the Vice President refused to observe protocol.

President Aquino visited Zamboanga City the other day with DILG Secretary Mar Roxas. Vice President Binay followed them on Saturday. For a moment, the President felt he was dealing with two wars.

MNLF spokesperson Emmanuel Fontanilla wants Indonesia to broker peace between the government and the MNLF. The bigger problem though is who should broker peace between Jejomar Binay and Mar Roxas.

Vice President Binay’s attempt to mediate a truce between the MNLF and the government apparently failed. In totally unrelated news, Korina Sanchez just had an awesome weekend.

Lamenting media reports on his alleged involvement in the pork barrel scam, Jinggoy Estrada says, “Parang lumalabas na magnanakaw na kaming lahat.” I think the use of ‘parang’ in that statement is unnecessary.

Jinggoy, who had been jailed for corruption charges in the early 2000s added, “I created a name for myself, tapos bigla na lang sisirain basta-basta!” Sorry, it already was.

The new iPhone 5s comes with a fingerprint scanner. Yes, fingerprints. The release of the phone is very timely. I think Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada and Juan Ponce Enrile will agree.

Gone! Guilty?
Records show Juan Ponce Enrile’s former chief of staff, Lucila Jessica ‘Gigi’ Reyes; Joseph Estrada’s former social secretary, Ruby Tuason; Bong Revilla’s chief political adviser Richard Cambe, and former congressman Rodolfo Plaza who were among those implicated in the pork barrel scam have all LEFT the country. No one knows where they’re exactly headed or if they’re coming back. Let’s be kind to them by offering a minute of silence for the eternal repose of their souls.

Pics of the Weak
untitledAno ang itinanong ng babae sa kasamang lalaki sa larawan?
A: Boss, may FB ka ba? Add mo ‘ko, tag kita sa picture.
B: Sir, may ibang number ka ba ni Jojo Ochoa? ‘Di na nagre-reply eh.
C: Mr. President, may idini-date ka ba ngayon? May bebe gurr ako, single. Hihihi

untitledAno ang sinasabi ng babaeng nakatayo?
A: Mr. President, Madam Senator… pa-picture naman o! But if “something” happens… ‘di tayo friends huh; ‘acquaintance’ lang.
B: Sir, Ma’am… ang payat na ni Jinggoy ah. Inggit si JV n’yan!
C: Mr. President, konting space naman d’yan. Masyadong dikit ang balikat n’yo. Sumisikip eh!
“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people’s acknowledgment.”
~ Jason Myers, The Mission

Sound Bites
“Ako naman, inaamin ko naman na dati akong mataba na pumayat dahil nagpa-opera ako para pumayat dahil talagang shobang-shoba na ako noong araw.”
~Jinggoy Estrada on reports that Janet Napoles’ code name for him was “Sexy” after he lost considerable weight

There are only 100 days before Christmas!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer and Rappler]

Author: professionalheckler

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