The Professional Heckler

THE CATHOLIC Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines is reportedly alarmed by a gay-themed primetime drama. It’s a bit too close to home.

Rumors say Catholic bishops have been receiving complaints against “My Husband’s Lover” – mostly from priests and seminarians who are forced to stay up late to catch it.

In case you’ve missed, “My Husband’s Lover” tells the story of a married man who is having an affair with another man. It is inspired by the life story of a former senator.

BREAKING: The Catholic Church is currently conducting a survey on whether it should file a petition to stop the airing of the show. This blog obtained a copy of the survey form.

*******CONFIDENTIAL********

Para Sa: Mga obispo at paring saklaw ng Romano Katolikong Simbahan sa Pilipinas

Sa ngalan ng mapagpalang Panginoon, mabuhay!

Naaalarma ang pamunuan ng Simbahan sa panggabing palabas na “My Husband’s Lover.” Dapat ba tayong maghain ng petisyon laban sa nasabing programa? Kayo ang humusga.

Piliin ang titik ng sagot na kumakatawan sa inyong pananaw. Ito ang magiging batayan ng susunod nating mga hakbang. Nawa’y patnubayan at gabayan kayo ng Espiritu Santo sa inyong pagsagot.

God bless you!

Question 1: Anong aral ang inyong mapupulot sa ‘My Husband’s Lover?’
A: Wala! Nagpapakita ito ng imoralidad
B: Meron ba? Nakakapanlumo ang lantarang holding hands at yakapan ng dalawang lalaking bida. Kadiri.
C: Kapag napanood ito ng mga batang lalaki, magiging bakla sila paglaki.

Question 2: Sapat ba ang MTRCB rating na SPG sa naturang palabas?
A: Hindi!!! Dapat d’yan… Rated SDSPG: Super Duper Strict Parental Guidance
B: Nope! Mas safe kung Rated SGGPG: Strict Great Grandparental Guidance
C: Of course not. Dapat d’yan, Rated X! Malaswaaaaa!

Question 3: Ano ang pinakaayaw mo sa ‘My Husband’s Lover?’
A: Lahat! Ang dapat ilagay sa time slot na ‘yan, Batibot, Tropang Potchi o kaya Sesame Street!
B: Landian nang landian ang mga bida. Pupunta sila sa impyerno! Now na!
C: Sumobra naman yata ang diet ni Glydel Mercado. Ang payat na n’ya! (Napasilip lang. Promise, ‘di talaga kami nanonood.)

Question 4: Kung ikaw ang writer ng primetime dramang ‘to, ano ang dapat mong gawin upang mas maging katanggap-tanggap sa Simbahan ang kwento?
A: Ipakita ang eksena kung saan sumasailalim sa counseling ng isang pari ang mga baklang bida upang itama ang malaking kasalanang kanilang ginawa.
B: Exorcise them! Palayasin ang demonyong sumapi sa kanilang katawang lupa!
C: Palabasing panaginip lang pala ni Carla Abellana ang lahat; na wala talagang bakla sa mundo.

Last Question: Dapat bang kanselahin ang programang ito?
A: Walang duda! Let us save our society from the claws of immorality.
B: Bakit ngayon lang? Dapat noon pa!
C: Hintayin muna natin ang next episode; baka sakaling mag-kiss na sina Eric at Vincent. After no’n, go. Sibakin na! Bastos na programa!

Maraming salamat sa inyong pagsagot. Kung mapapansin n’yo, patas at walang kinikilingan ang choices sa bawat tanong. Makakaasa kayo sa patas ring desisyon.

“If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense.”
~Leviticus 20:13

Overseas…
The US Supreme Court ruled that married gay couples are also entitled to federal benefits. The CBCP called the decision ‘alarming.’

NIA Anniversary
President Aquino publicly chastised officials and employees of the National Irrigation Administration (NIA) for showing little improvement over the past couple of years. And NIA employees were like, “Look who’s talking!”

During NIA’s anniversary last Tuesday, President Aquino criticized its officials and employees for failing to meet the agency’s targets. Meanwhile, when asked about the anniversary of the Bureau of Customs, Commissioner Ruffy Biazon replied, “Ano ‘yon?”

At NIA’s anniversary, President Aquino publicly scolded its employees. Noli De Castro can so relate.

NIA Administrator Antonio Nangel says Typhoon Pablo delayed the implementation of its projects last year. But President Aquino insists blaming typhoons is unacceptable. Unless of course the typhoon’s name is Gloria.
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“I hate organized religion. I hate that people use it to justify their crappy, bigoted beliefs.”
~Hannah Harrington, Saving June

Sound Bites
“Malaking pag-aaral ang dapat gawin sa mga bagong teleserye tulad ng ‘My Husband’s Lover’ na sana maisa-alang-alang na nasa isang bansa tayo na may kulturang pinapahalagahan ang usaping moral o mga bagay na saklaw ng moralidad.”
~ CBCP Episcopal Commission on Youth Fr. Conegundo Garganta

“I mean, it’s really a no-brainer. Here we are, the government is ensuring your safety, we are providing you a location, we are providing you a decent structure, a safe structure, and… the ‘negastars’ would say: ‘No, stay in the estero. Your life is better there.’ I mean, no comparison, it’s a no-brainer.”
~Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda on groups that oppose the P18,000 doleout to dwellers living along esteros

Happy weekend!

Pahabol: Voting for this year’s Tatt (Social Media) Awards ends on June 30. To everyone who voted, maraming salamat. Pwede pang umulit. HERE’s the site.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.