OF VIOLENCE, CROCODILES, AND SUPERMAN

ngc

A NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC crew is in the Philippines to shoot a documentary on crocodiles. Apparently, nobody informed them that Congress is in recess.

Nat Geo’s Brady Barr describes a crocodile as intelligent but very complex. He says “it is humans acting irresponsible.” Yeah, that’s our congressmen.

Hacked?
Reports say hackers posted President Aquino’s three personal mobile numbers on Facebook. Malacañang wouldn’t confirm if those numbers were indeed President Aquino’s although when you dial one of the three numbers, the voice prompt goes, “Sorry, the number you dialed is having a quick smoke outside. Please try your call later.”

Apparently, President Aquino has three numbers: one for Kabarilan, one for Kaibigan, and one for Kaklase.

Cebu Pac
Less than two weeks after one of its planes missed the runway at Davao International Airport, another Cebu Pacific Air plane skidded on the runway at Ninoy Aquino International Airport. The incident was a total nightmare for the crew, the passengers… and Cebu Pacific’s PR group.

Rainy Days
Last Thursday, non-stop rains triggered flooding in the metro causing monstrous traffic jams. Arguably, the streets of Manila were the worst place to be on a rainy day. In close second: inside a Cebu Pacific airplane.

daiana2Domestic Violence?
Brazilian model Daiana Menezes posted cryptic messages on Instagram pertaining to violence against women including a photo of her injured arm. A couple of days later, her boyfriend, outgoing Cagayan De Oro Representative Benjo Benaldo released a statement saying Daiana had forgiven him. I don’t know anything about this Benaldo guy but here’s a wild guess: he likes Chris Brown.

Benjo Benaldo, who lost in the last elections, admitted that he and Daiana were having problems but was quick to clarify, “We fought because of LOVE.” To which, LOVE replied, “Nananahimik ako. ‘Wag kang mandamay!”

daiana
On his girlfriend’s intriguing Instagram posts, outgoing CDO Rep. Benjo Benaldo said, “Daiana and I have settled our differences.” In the interest of fairness, we’re still trying to get the side of the arm.

Daiana did not give a hint if she’ll allow herself to be interviewed by the local media on her relationship with Congressman Benaldo. Rumors say though she’s willing to talk to the Nat Geo crew.

Senator Nancy
To prepare herself for the Senate, Nancy “Nanay De Pamilya sa Senado” Binay is back to school. She’ll attend a five-day training at the University of the Philippines’ National College of Public Administration and Governance contrary to earlier reports she enrolled at the Institute of Culinary Arts.

snowdenWhistleblower
I’m sure you’ve heard about Edward Snowden. He’s a former National Security Agency (NSA) contractor who exposed US electronic surveillance on American citizens. Snowden also claims the NSA has been spying on China since 2009. The NSA denied it saying, “It was much longer than that idiot!”

Edward Snowden, the NSA whistleblower is currently hiding in Hong Kong. That’s what reports are saying although it’s also likely he’s with the La Salle Brothers.

World Population
In 12 years, world population is expected to reach 8.1 billion. According to the United Nations,  there are now 7.2 billion people. Again, that’s 7.2 billion people! And you’re still single! What’s your excuse?

Man of Steel
Have you seen Man of Steel? It tells the story of a newborn baby who had to be hidden away from pursuing evil. He survives the danger, grows up and becomes a powerful man. The movie’s working title was “The Story of Jesus.”
——————————————
“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”
~Isaac Asimov, Foundation

Soundbites
“Napakahirap makipag-usap sa isang taong napakaraming dadaanan pa. Napakahirap sumulat sa isang taong hindi namin sigurado kung natatanggap n’ya. Pero kahit isang pagkakataon lang o isang gabi o araw lang, gusto naming dumirekta at sabihin ang gustong mangyari o saloobin kung meron man ng bawat isang Pilipino.”
~Anonymous Philippines member who posted President Aquino’s alleged mobile numbers on Facebook

hecklerKampanyaSerye
To everyone who voted and to those who intend to vote, THANK YOU very much. I owe you big time. Voting for this year’s Tatt (Social Media) Awards is ongoing. Show your support for your faves. Vote here.

Have a great weekend. Happy Father’s Day!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos of Daiana via Interaksyon.com]

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

9 thoughts on “OF VIOLENCE, CROCODILES, AND SUPERMAN”

  1. UP Senators training course – otherwise known as ‘welcome to the millionaires club’ or ‘how to become rich without working’

    Offshore accounts
    Property bargains abroad
    Fake NGO’s
    Ghost employees
    Pork barrel – your ATM card
    SALN compilation – creative accounting
    Best restaurants and massage parlours – and all on expenses
    Potential product endorsements – tacky but profitable
    How to look busy whilst achieving nothing
    How to lie and deny convincingly

    —-

    A number of countries do not celebrate fathers day, all of which feature on kris aquino’s favourite places today as she goes incommunicado!

    ‘ a child without a father’s presence is an unbalanced adult waiting to happen’

    Like

  2. seen somewhere else:
    ———————-

    atenção benaldo:

    você é tão feio! … que horror!
    você não tem o direito de ferir pessoas bonitas, a menos que, você parece Ed Snowden.

    santa merda! você não tem idéia sobre o português. você é apenas um inferno de idiota.

    te odeio muito,
    D. Menezes


    in taglish:

    ATTN: your highness (pweh!) Benaldo

    kung kasinggwapo mo si Fafa Edward Snowden, ok lang sana!!!
    bulsa(local bank acct/offshore acct/rainyday funds/stash/LOOTS) mo lang kasi ang ok…

    samasainyo,
    D. Menezes


    PS: don’t dare translate the Portuguese text.

    Like

  3. Nancy binay and others attending UP – Densa, not Mensa.
    Diploma in Executive Nonsense for Self-serving A$$e$

    Densa – sample test questions, and selected candidate answers

    How many senators does it take to change a light bulb?
    A – 24, one to screw it in, and twenty three to screw it up.

    Why did the congressman cross the road?
    A – to get to the other bribe

    If a politician has a child with his daughter what is her relation to him?
    A – his future victim

    Why do politicians wipe their ar$e with their hands?
    A – it helps to flavour the food

    What is dirty money?
    A – money you handle after going to the toilet

    Name 70 things a woman is good for?
    A – cleaning and 69

    How do you confuse a filipino?
    A – ask him to fill out a form

    Why are so many filipino jokes one-liners?
    A – any longer and we would be here until next week

    What do you call a foreign power?
    A – Master

    What do politicians like best about sex?
    That taxpayers are footing the bill.

    Awards being given out to stellar students include

    The lito lapid award for oratory

    The ponce enrile award for fiction

    The loren legarda award for creative accounting

    The chiz escudero award for class clown

    The manny pacquaio award for attendance

    The bong revilla award for services (rendered) to women

    Like

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