A NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC crew is in the Philippines to shoot a documentary on crocodiles. Apparently, nobody informed them that Congress is in recess.
Nat Geo’s Brady Barr describes a crocodile as intelligent but very complex. He says “it is humans acting irresponsible.” Yeah, that’s our congressmen.
Hacked?
Reports say hackers posted President Aquino’s three personal mobile numbers on Facebook. Malacañang wouldn’t confirm if those numbers were indeed President Aquino’s although when you dial one of the three numbers, the voice prompt goes, “Sorry, the number you dialed is having a quick smoke outside. Please try your call later.”
Apparently, President Aquino has three numbers: one for Kabarilan, one for Kaibigan, and one for Kaklase.
Cebu Pac
Less than two weeks after one of its planes missed the runway at Davao International Airport, another Cebu Pacific Air plane skidded on the runway at Ninoy Aquino International Airport. The incident was a total nightmare for the crew, the passengers… and Cebu Pacific’s PR group.
Rainy Days
Last Thursday, non-stop rains triggered flooding in the metro causing monstrous traffic jams. Arguably, the streets of Manila were the worst place to be on a rainy day. In close second: inside a Cebu Pacific airplane.
Domestic Violence?
Brazilian model Daiana Menezes posted cryptic messages on Instagram pertaining to violence against women including a photo of her injured arm. A couple of days later, her boyfriend, outgoing Cagayan De Oro Representative Benjo Benaldo released a statement saying Daiana had forgiven him. I don’t know anything about this Benaldo guy but here’s a wild guess: he likes Chris Brown.
Benjo Benaldo, who lost in the last elections, admitted that he and Daiana were having problems but was quick to clarify, “We fought because of LOVE.” To which, LOVE replied, “Nananahimik ako. ‘Wag kang mandamay!”
On his girlfriend’s intriguing Instagram posts, outgoing CDO Rep. Benjo Benaldo said, “Daiana and I have settled our differences.” In the interest of fairness, we’re still trying to get the side of the arm.
Daiana did not give a hint if she’ll allow herself to be interviewed by the local media on her relationship with Congressman Benaldo. Rumors say though she’s willing to talk to the Nat Geo crew.
Senator Nancy
To prepare herself for the Senate, Nancy “Nanay De Pamilya sa Senado” Binay is back to school. She’ll attend a five-day training at the University of the Philippines’ National College of Public Administration and Governance contrary to earlier reports she enrolled at the Institute of Culinary Arts.
Whistleblower
I’m sure you’ve heard about Edward Snowden. He’s a former National Security Agency (NSA) contractor who exposed US electronic surveillance on American citizens. Snowden also claims the NSA has been spying on China since 2009. The NSA denied it saying, “It was much longer than that idiot!”
Edward Snowden, the NSA whistleblower is currently hiding in Hong Kong. That’s what reports are saying although it’s also likely he’s with the La Salle Brothers.
World Population
In 12 years, world population is expected to reach 8.1 billion. According to the United Nations, there are now 7.2 billion people. Again, that’s 7.2 billion people! And you’re still single! What’s your excuse?
Man of Steel
Have you seen Man of Steel? It tells the story of a newborn baby who had to be hidden away from pursuing evil. He survives the danger, grows up and becomes a powerful man. The movie’s working title was “The Story of Jesus.”
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“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”
~Isaac Asimov, Foundation
Soundbites
“Napakahirap makipag-usap sa isang taong napakaraming dadaanan pa. Napakahirap sumulat sa isang taong hindi namin sigurado kung natatanggap n’ya. Pero kahit isang pagkakataon lang o isang gabi o araw lang, gusto naming dumirekta at sabihin ang gustong mangyari o saloobin kung meron man ng bawat isang Pilipino.”
~Anonymous Philippines member who posted President Aquino’s alleged mobile numbers on Facebook
KampanyaSerye
To everyone who voted and to those who intend to vote, THANK YOU very much. I owe you big time. Voting for this year’s Tatt (Social Media) Awards is ongoing. Show your support for your faves. Vote here.
Have a great weekend. Happy Father’s Day!
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[Photos of Daiana via Interaksyon.com]
UP Senators training course – otherwise known as ‘welcome to the millionaires club’ or ‘how to become rich without working’
Offshore accounts
Property bargains abroad
Fake NGO’s
Ghost employees
Pork barrel – your ATM card
SALN compilation – creative accounting
Best restaurants and massage parlours – and all on expenses
Potential product endorsements – tacky but profitable
How to look busy whilst achieving nothing
How to lie and deny convincingly
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A number of countries do not celebrate fathers day, all of which feature on kris aquino’s favourite places today as she goes incommunicado!
‘ a child without a father’s presence is an unbalanced adult waiting to happen’
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Benjo benaldo likes his women the same as his fish – battered.
Another congressman (ex) leading by example!
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seen somewhere else:
———————-
atenção benaldo:
você é tão feio! … que horror!
você não tem o direito de ferir pessoas bonitas, a menos que, você parece Ed Snowden.
santa merda! você não tem idéia sobre o português. você é apenas um inferno de idiota.
te odeio muito,
D. Menezes
—
in taglish:
ATTN: your highness (
pweh!) Benaldokung kasinggwapo mo si Fafa Edward Snowden, ok lang sana!!!
bulsa(
local bank acct/offshore acct/rainyday funds/stash/LOOTS) mo lang kasi ang ok…samasainyo,
D. Menezes
—
PS: don’t dare translate the Portuguese text.
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ATTN: To the good office
INUTILof Sec. Abaya (DOTC, ATO, CAAP)Kelan kayo aaksyon?!? naka-dalawa na ang Cebu Pacific… aantayin nyo pa ba ang
AIR CRASH INVESTIGATION: CEBPAC EDITIONthird strike???kakaloka kyo!!!… pweh!!!
nagmamahal
(forget FAA category 1, EVER!!!),F.A.A.
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itong si diana ay may chance na matulad ang kapalaran kay si ako, si ikaw teresa carlson
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isang inosenting tanong lang mister heckler, umabot na ng mahigit dalawang libo ang votes mo, ganuon ba karami ang fans mo?
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Curse the Chris Brown’s of the world.
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On MM flooding and of the whole country, don’t blame it on rain and garbage the peoples are sinners already kaya lulubog na !😦
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Nancy binay and others attending UP – Densa, not Mensa.
Diploma in Executive Nonsense for Self-serving A$$e$
Densa – sample test questions, and selected candidate answers
How many senators does it take to change a light bulb?
A – 24, one to screw it in, and twenty three to screw it up.
Why did the congressman cross the road?
A – to get to the other bribe
If a politician has a child with his daughter what is her relation to him?
A – his future victim
Why do politicians wipe their ar$e with their hands?
A – it helps to flavour the food
What is dirty money?
A – money you handle after going to the toilet
Name 70 things a woman is good for?
A – cleaning and 69
How do you confuse a filipino?
A – ask him to fill out a form
Why are so many filipino jokes one-liners?
A – any longer and we would be here until next week
What do you call a foreign power?
A – Master
What do politicians like best about sex?
That taxpayers are footing the bill.
Awards being given out to stellar students include
The lito lapid award for oratory
The ponce enrile award for fiction
The loren legarda award for creative accounting
The chiz escudero award for class clown
The manny pacquaio award for attendance
The bong revilla award for services (rendered) to women
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