STATE OF WAR

NORTH KOREAN leader Kim Jong-Un has threatened to attack the United States by launching rocket missiles aimed at crippling American bases in the US and the Pacific. If Kim Jong Un seriously wants to hurt Americans, he should cripple Facebook and Twitter instead.

North Korea declared that it had entered a “state of war” with South Korea and threatened to attack its neighbor. But Seoul is unfazed by the threat since a majority of South Koreans are safe… in the Philippines.

Kim Jong Un threatened to strike the US mainland just a couple of weeks after the visit of Dennis Rodman. For the US, it’s on to Plan B: Ron Artest.

Apparently, Kim Jong Un considers the United States his number 1 problem. In close second is his weight.

Kim Jong Un is reportedly a heavy drinker. In fact, this problem was publicly denounced by the parents of his wife, Heart Jong Un.

SWS Survey
It’s 9-3 for Team PNoy according to the latest Social Weather Stations survey. But according to the Vice President, the results were “incredible” and” “unbelievable.” In short, “Nancy Binay!”

The latest SWS survey showed a huge drop in Chiz Escudero’s numbers. The survey was commissioned by Heart Evangelista’s parents.

Joma’s Message
Communist Party of the Philippines founding chairman Jose Maria Sison slams President Aquino and the “US regime” for government policies that do not benefit the “masses.” The message was sent straight from the ‘80s, I mean, the Netherlands.

It’s 2013. I can’t believe Joma Sison is still giving orders to the CPP-NPA from Europe.

Holy Week
More than 20 Filipinos had themselves nailed on the cross on Good Friday. Those men say it’s “tradition.” I say it’s guilt.

I wonder how those Filipinos would reenact the suffering and death of Jesus if he was condemned to die by firing squad.

According to the story, on the third day, Jesus rose from the dead. Had he risen on the fourth or fifth day, he would have missed the season premiere of Game of Thrones. Great timing!

Happy Easter everyone! Always remember, Jesus Christ died for our long vacation.

Pinoy and Marriage
According to the National Statistics Office, fewer Filipinos are getting married. Those Filipinos are called smart.
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“Tradition is a fragile thing in a culture built entirely on the memories of the elders.”
~Alice Albinia

Sound Bites
“If they make a reckless provocation with huge strategic forces, we should mercilessly strike the US mainland, their stronghold, their military bases in the operational theaters in the Pacific, including Hawaii and Guam, and those in South Korea.”
~North Korea

Have a great April ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Rappler/Associated Press/AFP/Fox News]

Author: professionalheckler

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