The Professional Heckler

REPORTS SAY both UNA and Team PNoy failed to draw huge crowds in Baguio City. Cold treatment.

Toby Tiangco said the crowd estimate in the UNA rally was “2,000.” Franklin Drilon said the crowd estimate in the Team PNoy rally was “3,000.” Independent sources said the crowd estimate in both rallies was… “embarrassing.”

Migz vs. Koko
The feud between senatorial candidates Migz Zubiri and Koko Pimentel is getting nastier. Last week, Migz revealed that Koko was a wife beater. Koko and ex-wife Jewel have denied the allegation. And Koko’s supporters are furious. Some of them accuse Zubiri of being a poll cheat and a gossiper… to which Zubiri said, “Excuse me, hindi ako poll cheat!”

Koko Pimentel is studying the possibility of filing a libel case against Migz Zubiri. But Migz says if that happens, he’ll be forced to divulge everything that Jewel Lobaton told him about Koko. The plot thickens. And the voters can’t wait… to reject them both.

Same Sex Marriage
According to a GMA News research, Jack Enrile is probably the only senatorial candidate who supports same sex marriage. He said gays and lesbians should be given “a chance to be happy” – just like any straight octogenarian and his female chief of staff.

Jack Enrile admits he’s pro-same sex marriage. But he denies reports he likes watching ‘Glee.’

Cynthia Villar is against same sex union. She believes that marriage is a sacred sacrament that should only take place between a rich woman and a former fish vendor.

The same report says Jamby Madrigal is against same sex marriage too. That is hilarious.

Bro. Eddie Villanueva says, “darating ang paggunaw sa isang bansa pag ‘yon ay ginawa.” And God was like, “Nag-same sex marriage lang, gunaw agad? ‘Di ba puwede munang magpatawad?”

Of same sex union, JC De los Reyes said, “I respect the human rights of gays and lesbians, but when you allow same sex marriage, there is no purpose whatsoever as to the objective of that.” Ang labo. Period.

When asked the same question, Loren Legarda answered, “I believe in civil union and granting the rights and privileges to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender.” Thank you candidate No. 19!

And for JV Ejercito, “If we look at the Bible, the marriage of two persons is always man and woman. It’s always been Adam and Eve. Wala namang Adan at Adan. Wala ring Eba at Eba.” Unfortunately, wala ring Joseph and Guia.

According to Koko Pimentel, the idea of same sex marriage in the Philippines “is a joke of a proposal.” To which, gay marriage advocates replied, “Hiyang-hiya naman kami sa success ng marriage mo!”

Trusted
A study conducted by EON Stakeholder Relations and Ateneo Graduate School of Business showed that the ‘Church’ was the most trusted sector in the Philippines. The least trusted was ‘Business.’ I’m confused. Isn’t Church and Business the same?

VP to Vatican
Vice President Jejomar Binay was chosen by President Aquino to attend Pope Francis’ installation in Vatican City. Binay accepted the assignment to the Holy See to dispel allegations he’s a ‘maligno.’

Reports say Mrs. Elenita Binay, who was with the Vice President, and their son, Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was barred earlier from leaving the country because of an existing hold departure order in connection with her plunder case. But the Vice President called Justice Secretary Leila De Lima, and dyaraaaan, Mrs. Binay was allowed to board the flight. Moral of the story: You don’t do that to your future First Lady.

Despite an existing hold departure order on Mrs. Binay, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima instructed immigration officials to let her leave the country. Mrs. Binay is lucky ‘coz she’s the Vice President’s wife and even luckier ‘coz she’s not an Arroyo.

The Pope
Pope Francis reportedly called the Philippines, “Islands of Saints.” And look where we are now.

Retired Cebu Archbishop Ricardo Cardinal Vidal said when Pope Francis called the Philippines “Islands of Saints,” he probably meant “islands of holy people.” Pope Francis has no idea.

Pope Francis has only one lung. But that’s nothing compared to many Filipino politicians: wala nang utak, wala pang puso!
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“I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.”
~ Kinky Friedman

Sound Bites
“Alam po ninyo, tatapatin ko kayo, hindi po nakakabata ang pagiging Pangulo ng Pilipinas. May mga nagsasabi ngang kailangan ko nang magbakasyon, dahil nahahalata na raw ang lalim ng aking eye bags at lalo na raw yatang numinipis ang aking buhok.”
~President Aquino, PMA Graduation Speech, March 17

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.