THE 85th ACADEMY AWARDS were held Monday morning (Philippine time). On cable TV, it was shown on Velvet Channel. The best part of the live telecast was when no political ads were aired.

The Best Picture trophy went to ‘Argo.’ It’s about a successful rescue of hostages in Iran. The rescue was successful so definitely it didn’t happen in Manila.

The Ben Affleck-helmed political thriller ‘Argo’ won Best Picture beating out Steven Spielberg’s epic film ‘Lincoln.’ And the Republicans’ losing streak continues.

Daniel Day Lewis won an award for his role as president – the same role Jejomar Binay can hardly wait to play.

The oldest best actress nominee ever, Emmanuelle Riva turned 86 on Oscar night… making her a potential candidate for Senate President.

Quevenzhané Wallis was the youngest best actress nominee ever at 9. Like “Life of Pi’s” Suraj Sharma, she was inexperienced when discovered. They’re both good and have a lot of promise. It’s unlikely for them to get that coveted win soon though. They’re like the Bam Aquino of the Oscars.

As expected, Austria’s ‘Amour’ won the award for Best Foreign Language Film. It triumphed over entries from Denmark, Chile, Norway, and Canada. Denmark’s entry was ‘A Royal Affair,’ a film about a high-ranking leader’s wife who fell in love with a doctor. Koko Pimentel hated the movie.

US First Lady Michelle Obama presented the nominees and announced the Oscar winner for Best Picture. Everyone was surprised to see her. She was the night’s mane attraction.

This year’s program was realllllly long! It’s even longer than the Estrada presidency!

The Oscar Awards are over. We can now move on and focus our attention on real actors – the politicians.

2013 Elections: Ansabeh/Ang Totoo
Ansabeh: “Ipagpapatuloy ko ang nasimulan ng aking ama, ina, asawa, ate at kuya.”
Ang totoo: “Ke mabuti o masama, basta! Ipagpapatuloy ko pa rin.”

Ansabeh: “Gusto kong magkaroon kayo ng trabaho.”
Ang totoo: “Pero bago kayo magkaroon, ako muna! Boto na!”

Ansabeh: “Political ad paid for by friends of (candidate)”
Ang totoo: “Saan naman kukuha ng pera ang friends ko? At bakit naman sila gagastos for me? Ako ang nagbayad nito.”

Ansabeh: “Kapag ibinoto n’yo kami, gaganda ang inyong buhay.”
Ang totoo: “’Yon nga lang, hindi kasing-ginhawa ng buhay namin. Pero, pwede na.”

Ansabeh: “Kapag ako ang nanalo, ipagpapatayo ko kaagad kayo ng kalsada at tulay!”
Ang totoo: “Kailangang makakumisyon agad para mabawi ang gastos sa kampanya!”

Ansabeh: “Nais kong magkaroon kayo ng pagkain sa inyong hapag-kainan.”
Ang totoo: “Magtrabaho kayo! Mga tamad! Asa na lang lagi sa amin!”

Ansabeh: “Walang masama sa political dynasty basta’t naglilingkod.”
Ang totoo: “Wala talaga. D’yan yumaman ang angkan namin ‘noh!”

Ansabeh: “Namimigay lang kami ng iPad. Pero hindi kami nangangampanya!”
Ang totoo: “Baka lang makalusot. Subok lang. Hehe”

Ansabeh: “Wala akong alam d’yan. Volunteers ko ang may pakana n’yan. Pero sorry na rin.”
Ang totoo: “Baka makalusot ulit. Subok lang ulit. Hehe ”

Ansabeh: “Ang aking pangarap… mawala na ang mahihirap.”
Ang totoo: “Ay mali! Sorry. ‘Kahirapan’ pala.”

Ansabeh: “Ang aking pangarap… mawala na ang kahirapan.”
Ang totoo: “Pero ‘wag naman lahat ng mahihirap. Sino pang uutuin namin kapag eleksyon ‘pag nawala kayo?”

Ansabeh: “Hangad kong magkaroon ng libreng edukasyon ang inyong mga anak.”
Ang totoo: “Pasalamat kayo, libre. ‘Yong kids ko nga, inaabot ng 200,000 pesos ang tuition annually. And take note, grade school pa lang ‘yon sa Ateneo De La Salle International School huh!”

In Other News…
In his last public prayer, an emotional Pope Benedict XVI told Catholics that God wanted him to retire… confirming earlier rumors that he was actually fired!
“Promises were like laws; smart men knew when to break both.”
~C.J. Hill, Slayers

Sound Bites
“Thank you, movie god.”
~Ang Lee, accepting the best director Oscar for Life of Pi.

“Marami sa inyo nagtatanong: sino ba si Nancy Binay? Alam n’yo, katulad niyo po ako. Ako po ay isang ina, isang kapatid at isang anak. Parang teleserye ‘noh?”
~Nancy Binay, candidate for senator

Have a happy and productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

6 thoughts on “AND THE OSCAR GOES TO…”

  1. Jennifer lawrence falls down at oscars. a tribute to team p-noy?

    If it is not magsaysay and mindoro falling of the stage, then it is ochoa falling down anywhere and everywhere. ( p.s has anyone seen ochoa lately. Must be either in rehab, supervising the building of his new 100 million peso mansion , or furiously editing the atimonan massacre report.)

    Clearly LP members can now, not even stand up straight, let alone walk a straight path. Hiccup, pass the bottle. Mine’s a double.


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