AFTER MORE THAN A WEEK of warnings and tug-of-war, the United Nationalist Alliance decided to drop three common candidates from its senatorial ticket. It is also dropping ‘United’ from its name.

UNA has dropped three common candidates from its senatorial lineup. Chiz Escudero described the move as a ‘change of heart.’

Loren Legarda called it ‘climate change.’

But Grace Poe believes, “Hindi pa tapos ang laban.”

The bad news is UNA has junked Escudero, Poe and Legarda. The good news is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want to adopt them.

After dropping three of its 12 candidates for senator, one of UNA’s “three kings,” Vice President Jejomar Binay said, “We’re starting to become a family.” With Nancy, JV, and Jackie Enrile in the ticket, we can see that.

PhilHealth Cards
Reports said President Aquino distributed Philhealth cards to indigent residents of a village in Bohol Province during one of the campaign sorties of the Liberal Party. Villagers exclaimed, “Thank you!” Critics said, “Questionable!” GMA lamented, “Gaya-gaya! Tse!”

Liberal Party candidate Jamby Madrigal has apologized for the “iPad game” on Twitter which, she claimed was initiated by her “young volunteers.” Her lawyer, Ernesto Francisco added she didn’t violate any election law. He insisted “it was a fun game.” The winner of the iPad agreed.

Team Patay
The Diocese of Bacolod is campaigning against a group of six pro-RH Law senatorial candidates it dubbed “Team Patay” while urging voters to support anti-RH Law senatoriables it called “Team Buhay.” By the way, the Diocese of Bacolod is a member of Team Bitter-bitteran.

Edsa 1
On Monday, February 25, 2013, the Aquino administration leads the 27th anniversary celebration of the Edsa People Power revolt. Malacañang did not declare Monday a non-working day but decided to suspend classes in all levels – to the delight of thousands of students who were wondrin’ what the event was all about.

Thanks to the bloodless revolt of ‘86, freedom was restored. Democracy is so back. And so are the Marcoses.

In Europe, the Prime Minister of Bulgaria resigned after nationwide protests against rising cost of electricity. Apparently, Bulgarians are so much way ahead of us.

After massive protests against high electricity rates, high ranking government officials in Bulgaria stepped down. For a moment, I wished our leaders were Bulgarian.

MEL T 1The Pope
As soon as Pope Benedict XVI leaves office, he will receive about $3,500 (₱143,500) in retirement package. Not bad for someone who took the vow of poverty.

In less than a week, Pope Benedict XVI will step down. The next pope has some big eyes to fill.

Victorious Pistorius
Accused of murdering his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, Olympian Oscar ‘Blade Runner’ Pistorius was allowed to go free on bail by a South African magistrate! They let him walk!

bThe Oscars
On Monday morning (Manila time), the annual Academy Awards will be held at the Dolby theater in Hollywood. My all-time favorite part of the Oscars is the “In Memoriam” segment – where a VTR is shown to remind celebrities that no matter how glamourous or popular they are today, they’re going to die someday.

It’s the Oscars on Monday. Among the stars who who will be remembered in the ‘In Memoriam’ segment include Whitney Houston, Dick Clark, Michael Clarke Duncan, and Crocodile Lolong.

On Monday, Anne Hathaway will probably win an Oscar. I mean, she was really powerful – in that Ricky Lo interview.
“If a political party does not have its foundation in the determination to advance a cause that is right and that is moral, then it is not a political party; it is merely a conspiracy to seize power.”
~Dwight D. Eisenhower

krisSound Bites
“I’ve refrained from commenting about the Senatorial elections but since I’m a responsible, law abiding, very high income tax paying citizen, honestly Senator Loren & Senator Chiz have consistently been 1 or 2 in the surveys, take turns lang sila. I personally know Grace Poe & believe in her integrity & intelligence & in fact committed to join her & Chiz all the available campaign days left in May before the 13th.
~TV host and presidential sister Kris Aquino via Twitter

Have a happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: ENewsInsight, Philippine Daily inquirer, Reuters]

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

7 thoughts on “JUNKED”

  1. There are more holes in the account of pistorius than in his toilet door.

    Pistorius wanted a hump
    She went for a dump
    He got the grump
    Shot her in the rump

    You go to the toilet expecting the world to fall out of your bottom, not the bottom to fall out of your world.

    In south africa, toilets will now be equipped with new signs – vacant, engaged, dont shoot!

    King Wenceslaus III of Bohemia was murdered with a spear
    while sitting on the toilet on August 4, 1306. Pistorius claims the spear slipped.


  2. Ang galing nito. “On Monday morning (Manila time), the annual Academy Awards will be held at the Dolby theater in Hollywood. My all-time favorite part of the Oscars is the “In Memoriam” segment – where a VTR is shown to remind celebrities that no matter how glamourous or popular they are today, they’re going to die someday.”

    Iba ka talaga, THE Professional Heckler!


  3. Campaigning in the philippine elections – A mix of pantomime, fairy stories, and gangster movies. (sorry, a bit long! angst attack!)

    So kris ‘motormouth’ aquino cannot resist keeping quiet, staying out of the limelight, and remaining out of politics, and consequently announces (as no great surprise), that she will campaign for her not so secret crush, chiz ‘big ears’ escudero. A match made in joke heaven, and a conflict of interest only allowed in abs-cbn hell.

    “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap”
    Napoleon Bonaparte

    They will take their pantomime show on the road in may, and enact a modern version of the childrens classic – J.M. Barrie’s allegorical, ‘Peter Pan’ – ( original stage play title – “The boy who wouldn’t grow up” – and judging by escudero’s love of childish jokes, younger girls, and his ridiculous twitter avatar, he is peter pan personified)

    “Oh, the cleverness of me”
    Peter, in Peter Pan

    “Little pitchers have big ears”
    American proverb

    Together they travel to Never Land, complete with pirates who steal, fairies who dance in the palace, and, of course, tinker bell, a perfect role for pinky lacson.

    Captain Hook or by Crook, will be played by Frank Drilon – the villain of the piece, – cunning, and only interested in gold, guns, and goons. So apt.

    The Narrator – abigail ‘ a big fail’ valte. Doesn’t need to think, just read from a script. Perfect.

    The elderly crocodile, Tick Tock, ( originally due to be played by Lolong – R.I.P), will be substituted by the equally voracious and ancient Peping Cojuangco, as they all journey through the Maze of (no) Regrets, and arrive, via the yellow brick road, at Neverspeak ( the truth) Mountain.

    ” the fool on the hill” – beatles
    ” we all live in a yellow submarine” – beatles
    “Mellow yellow” – donovan

    Joe Jones – a great blues singer, in the style of Fats Domino, also wrote a couple of appropriate songs
    “You talk too much”
    “One big mouth, two big ears”

    P- noy, always one to interfere, will play a cameo role as himself.
    “A girl is worth 20 boys” – wendy, in peter pan
    ‘ ok, take my sister in exchange’ – p-noy

    Malacanan becomes the home of The Lost Boys!


    Not to be outdone, there will be a remake of miami vice which featured uber-cool, tubbs and crocket, in their drop-head ferrari ( and a great soundtrack/theme by jan hammer). A classic tv hit.

    Erap and lim will star in the remake ‘ manila vice’ as the uber-old, tubby and crocked, in their smoke-belching jeepney ( complete with karaoke by the desperadoes). A sure fire political fail.


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