REPORTS SAY Pope Benedict XVI will be on Twitter before the end of the year. I predict an onslaught of bashers and trolls. But then again, they’ll be forgiven naman, right?

Top 10 Tweets You Wouldn’t Read From Pope Benedict XVI’s Twitter Feed

No. 10: Guessing. Hmmm, Piolo? RT @sharon_cuneta12 Pasalamat kayo at nakakapagpigil pa kami ng anak ko. ‘Pag napuno talaga kami, baka ilabas namin ang katotohanan tungkol sa idolo n’yo!

No. 9: RT @TweetofSatan Winnnnnning! – ULOL!

No. 8: praying for the dallas mavericks. go dirk! #germansrule

No. 7: OMG! #EnriqueGilonGGV #dougie

No. 6: “@TheMayorLim: O, wala nang traffic sa Recto at Morayta. Pinaalis na natin ang illegal vendors.” – WEHHHHH?

No. 5: Horny much. Joooooke! #priestproblems

No. 4: briefly noted: ‘angels and demons” has a rating of 37% ONLY on rotten tomatoes; ‘the da vinci code’ – 25% ONLY lols #karma

No. 3: First 1,000 Filipino Catholics to RT this will get a follow back from me: No to RH Bill!

No. 2: RT @ZenyResurexn: Good evening His Holiness. What’s your take on the Tito Sotto plagiarism issue? // HE CAN GO TO HE’LL. GRRR, AUTOCORRECT!!!

And the No. 1 tweet you won’t see on Pope Benedict XVI’s Twitter feed…

BEHAVE!!!!!!!! RT @MonsignorMoretti: @OneDirection hello harry, zayn, louis, niall, and liam! can’t wait for your concert in rome! xoxo

In Memoriam

Amid persistent allegations of plagiarism and an ethics complaint, Tito Sotto, in a privilege speech Tuesday, stood his ground and refused to admit to doing anything wrong at all. In totally unrelated and unverified report, Sotto is being offered to endorse at least three brands of cement.

Petraeus Affair
CIA Director David Petraeus resigned after admitting to an extramarital affair. In the Philippines, when you admit to an illicit relationship, you don’t lose your job. You get elected.

An FBI probe uncovered an extramarital affair between ex-CIA Director David Petraeus and his biographer, Paula Broadwell. Wait! Senator Enrile’s biographer is a guy right? Ok. Safe.

Most Wanted
After three decades, Baguio City’s most wanted drug dealer was arrested. The report scared Baguio City’s second most wanted because he hated the looming ‘promotion.’

Elmo’s Puppeteer
Kevin Clash, a puppeteer who performs as Elmo on “Sesame Street” reportedly had an intimate relationship with a minor. What?!? You mean Kevin Clash is a priest?!??

The puppeteer who performs as Elmo on ‘‘Sesame Street’’ took a leave of absence from the long-running children’s show amid allegations he had an intimate relationship with a 16-year-old boy. When Ernie and Bert heard this, they were like, “At least we’re of age!”
“Pride is the mother of arrogance.”
~ Toba Beta

Quote of the Weak
“Copying or imitation is the highest form of flattery. If it upsets the Kennedy family, I’m sorry. ”
~Tito Sotto, Privilege speech, November 13, 2012

Kris Reacts
Via Twitter, Ms Kris Aquino sent this blogger a couple of direct messages yesterday, Nov. 11 to clarify something about my previous post titled “KRISSY RETURNS.” She said, “Darla is Kris Tv head writer, Alvin is my assistant who takes care of all scheduling etc.”

Thank you for the info Kris and for being such a good sport. ALWAYS. Venti! Venti! Venti! 🙂

Have a productive week everyone!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[In Memoriam Artwork: CartoonStock.Com]

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

22 thoughts on “HOLY TWEETS!”

  1. Infinite monkey theorem states that an infinite number of monkeys typing would eventually produce a shakesperean play.

    Infinite sotto theorem states that an infinite number of sottos thinking would never produce an original thought.

    Monkeys – 1, sotto – a zero
    And an an infinite number of congress sessions will not pass FoI.
    monkey business in malacanan.
    As bent as a corkscrew.


  2. I think Kris doesn’t take offense when you write about her because your posts aren’t mean and have no intent to be mean in the first place. I’m sure she has a sense of humor and looks forward to reading what you have to say about her. I know I do. They’re among your funniest – they sound so like her. 🙂


  3. “Omnishambles” has been named word of the year by the Oxford
    English Dictionary.
    meaning – a situation which is shambolic and disorderly from every possible angle.

    Sottoshambles – a bad thing made worse through crass stupidity

    Aquinoshambles – creating chaos through avoidance of responsibility – (allied to noynoying)

    Sharonshambles – when you are not bright enough to differentiate between parody and reality. Often suffered by prima donnas. (allied to catfight)


  4. mister heckler sa pina simple na interpretation from a simple mind, di ba sabi, ang plagiarist daw ay ang nangongopya ng gawa ng iba AT inaangkin na sa kanya, in sotto’s case, inangkin ba ni sotto na sa kanya ang kanyang mga kinokopya?

    please mister heckler, have the heart to say something to what i’m saying


  5. really mister heckler? walang violent reaction si kris sa mga sinusulat mo tungkol sa kanya? noon pa man? akala ko bright si kris, bakit hindi nya nahalata na totoo mga sinasabi mo tungkol sa kanya in the form of heckling? ahhh nga pala kaya hindi nagagalit si kris dahil sa totoo mga sinasabi mo, bright nga si kris


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