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CHICKEN!

14 09 2012

WHY DID THE CHICKEN cross the road? Here’s why according to prominent Filipinos!


Tourism Sec. Mon Jimenez: It’s more fun on the other side.

President Aquino: The order came from me. I wanted to secure the eggs on the other side. But that’s the extent of the instructions I gave the chicken. As for the allegation that it tried to raid a barn, there’s always the presumption of innocence unless proven otherwise.

Resigned Usec. Rico E. Puno: Very specific ang order sa manok: tumawid ka sa kalsada at i-secure ang mga itlog sa kabila. Ang hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit may gustong manira sa manok at gawan ito ng maraming istorya.

Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno: No one, no one but God made the chicken cross the road.

Sen. Tito Sotto: Walang iba, walang iba kundi Panginoon ang nagawang magpatawid sa manok sa kalsada.

Sotto’s Chief of Staff Hector Villacorta: Ginagawa naman ng lahat ‘yan, what’s the big deal?

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago: Panginoon, bigyan mo ako ng isa pang buhay, at iimbestigahan ko ang manok na ito!

Isko Moreno: Pinagbantaan ho kasi ang manok. Sabi daw ho ipapapatay, maraming nakarinig.. Kaya siguro tumawid.

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim: O, tumawid na ang manok. Manahimik na lang kayo.

Former Chief Justice Renato Corona: The chicken wishes to be excused.

Justice Sec. Leila De Lima: There is a conspiracy! May tumawid na aso, may tumawid na pato, may tumawid na tao. Why is the chicken being singled out?

Quezon City Rep. Winnie Castelo:


Sen. Chiz Escudero: Baka may ka-meeting. Again “meeting.” Masyado nang matanda ang manok para tawaging date ‘yon.

Tulfo Brothers: Aba’y tarantado pala ang gagong manok na ‘yan eh. Paano kung naaksidente siya? ‘Wag na ‘wag ko lang makakasabay sa kalsada ang hayup na ‘yan, sasagasaan ko talaga!

Rolito Go: Hindi po siya tumawid. Kinidnap siya.

Annabelle Rama: Bakit dong? Kapag sinagot ko ba ang tanong na ‘yan, may TF ako?

KC Concepcion: May hinahanap kasing basic lang ang manok na nasa kabila ng kalsada. Ayokong magbigay ng detalye Tito Boy. Ayokong siraan ang manok.

Korina Sanchez: Eh kasi nga may humahabol na maliliit at maiitim na maligno.

Vice President Jejomar Binay: I categorically deny na hinabol ko ang manok!

Sen. Tito Sotto: I categorically deny na hinabol ko ang manok!
——————
“Roads are no place for naive chickens dreaming of nirvana.”
~ Shalom Auslander, Hope: A Tragedy

Quote of the Weak
“I have 256 barangays under me. Will I waste my time going to each barangay saying ‘O, ‘tong kalyeng to, ito ‘yong pondo na ibinigay ni PNoy para sa barangay n’yo.’  I can’t do that.”
~ Congresswoman Lucy Torres on why she had to put up tarpaulins with her and her husband’s huge images

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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41 responses

14 09 2012
Darwin Luague

lingawa nako ani oi…the best

Like

14 09 2012
Julienne Delgado (@yenerts)

Now I remember the lightbulb jokes nung last presidential elections. Ang dami kong tawa dito!

Like

14 09 2012
Anonymous

nasa staff din ba ni lucy torres si hector villacorta?
]

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14 09 2012
ysobele

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago: illiterate na manok yan! di ba sha marunong magbasa? I accuse that fowl of illiteracy in a criminal degree
or
“Baket sha sha tumawid? magkagalit ba kami? what is there not to like about me? nakakahawa ba ako? am I so repulsive?” 🙂

Like

14 09 2012
Anonymous

ROFL sa answers ni Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Alfredo Lim, Renato Corona, Winnie Castelo, Chiz Escudero, Rolito Go, and especially ni Jejomar Binay (with applause *cough* to Tito Sotto for the just-the-right-moment answer)

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14 09 2012
lambornos

..so Cong. Lucy Torres wins election by not going to those 265 baranggays???

Like

16 09 2012
senior60

ibang usapan kapag campaign period mga masisipag mga kandidato

Like

14 09 2012
Evelyn from Canada

You are so bloody funny. I’m at my work desk and laughing by myself 🙂 🙂 Thanks for the laugh!

Like

15 09 2012
Anti-Epal

Never going to look at chickens the same way again!

Like

15 09 2012
Anonymous

Thank you for this weekend pabaon–it lightens my mood!

Like

15 09 2012
Libertas

Great!. Love the castelo graphic/poster

Q.why did the political chicken cross the road
A. To get to the other bribe

Q.why did the chicken cross the road
A.
Lapid: why didn’t it try to go round
Tim Bradley: bcoz he’s chicken
Ochoa: i need the presidents permission to answer
Sotto: Roads are no place for naive chickens
dreaming of nirvana
P-noy: the chicken has always been on the other side. It just pretends to be on this side.
Puno: because it couldn’t fly

Like

15 09 2012
elleica

Panalo ang sagot! Sa simpleng ganito ma capture mo na lahat ng pangyayari sa bansa! Galing!

And did Lucy really said that? Tsk. That is pre-mature campaigning, nagpapalusot pa sya.

Like

15 09 2012
Anonymous

I cant stop laughing while reading. Nice one!

Like

15 09 2012
Libertas

The chicken didn’t want to cross the road. It was being trafficked.

“World’s Biggest Liar is an annual competition for telling lies, held in Cumbria , England . Competitors from around the world have five minutes to tell the biggest and most convincing lie they can.
Politicians and lawyers are not allowed to
enter the competition, because “they are
judged to be too skilled at telling porkies”. ( pork pies: rhyming slang for lies)
Wikipedia

Puno and his shady consultant/holiday companion, myro lopez, would be naturals.
Using an honest, and dead man, to corroborate lies, – masterly.

Like

15 09 2012
jofabs

Who are you kidding Lucy Torres?
Bakit kasama pati asawa mong walang alam dyan sa tarp mo?
You said during your guesting to Karen Davila’s program on the reason why you put up those tarps eh ginagawa din ng kalaban mo so to level the playing field. You cannot correct a wrong with another mistake.
Sana maging matalino na ang mag taga Ormoc. Ang ganda ng probinsya ninyo para lang makigulo tong si Richard Gomez na hindi naman taga diyan sa inyo.

Like

16 09 2012
bituing marikit

politics,as the artistas have discovered , is a great alternative once projects start to trickle. wala naman ipinagkaiba ang acting and politics!

Like

16 09 2012
alfredo liongoren

Kayo naman. Toto-o namang gayuma ang mukha ng sillylebrity. Siya ang tamis ng icecream ni Lucy para cya umumbok at tuloyang langawin. “Like people, like government”, sabi ni Karlel. BOTO-to yan lang. Kayo na ang sing tikas ni Richard, di ba ninyo samantalahin? Hihigitan ko yan kong sing tangos ilong ko tulad nya.

Like

15 09 2012
Anonymous

busog na ang manok pagkain ng kaban ng bayan. kaya tumawid na patungong tate. double nationality kasi siya.

Like

15 09 2012
napoleon gabriel

the chicken had her fill/busog na kakakain sa kaban ng bayan. she got double nationality crossing across the road no problem to escape prosecution. maybe the place across the road called tate.

Like

15 09 2012
clarita hallares

nawawala ng stress!

Like

15 09 2012
Libertas

No comment. Talking about the chicken could now be a cyber crime.

Just in time for elections 2013.
Suppression yes. FoI no!!

Like

16 09 2012
Anonymous

Ha ha ha ha, nice one Libertas.

Like

15 09 2012
vangie novio

Congresswoman L. Torres: mas madaling mag-waste ng pera kesa mag-waste ng time.

Like

15 09 2012
biyahilo

Champion! He He

Like

15 09 2012
Anonymous

Pati ba naman manok ! Patawarin naman ninyo ,pero yong mga CORRUPT yon ang patawirin natin sa kabila may MACHINE GUN na naghihintay .

Like

16 09 2012
Anonymous

Sen. Tito Sotto: “ang daan ay hindi lugar para sa mga walang kamuwang-muwang na manok na nangangarap ng nirbana”

Like

16 09 2012
Kitty

Your entries are always witty and hilarious — but this one takes the cake! I LOLed all the way. Good job!

Your entries are always witty and hilarious — but this one takes the cake! I LOLed all the way. Good job! -Sen. Tito Sotto

Like

16 09 2012
alfredo liongoren

Unfair naman kung di natin pakinggan ang ina alleged nating manok. Tinanong ko siya, ito ang tugon nya – “Manok lang ako, di ba?”

Like

16 09 2012
alfredo liongoren

Maraming palusot ang alisto! Simpleng salamat sa LIBRENG PATALASTAS, tuwa na ni HU WAN kaya. Si HU WAN nagkukunwang mangmang, tulad ng kalabaw mabagal at mahaba ang pagpigil, subalit nanunuwag pag puno na ang kabalbalan sa paligid. Nalilingid ba ang pagka-alisto nila, samantalang panahon pa naman tayo ni Kristo? Maliban lamang kung ang paniwala nila ay panahon na talaga tayo ni Taning. Ibang usapan na yon, malilitse na nga ang bayan.

Like

16 09 2012
senior60

the pasture is greener at the other side

Like

16 09 2012
senior60

to hide from someone? something?

Like

16 09 2012
Angry Bird (@AngryBird1905)

hahahahaha as always walang palya! anak ng manok oo!!!

Like

17 09 2012
Timow

Q: Why did Libertas’ chickens cross the road?
A: To make sure that there will be enough eggs to throw at someone else’s face.

* * * * * * * * * *

Cong. Lucy is a pig (because of pork barrels), so she must be singled out of all chicken solons of the country. You know something? NO PORK FOR YOU, COME BACK ONE TERM!

* * * * * * * * * *

Best lines of the chicken jokes include: Sen. Miriam’s and Cong. Winnie.

Like

17 09 2012
charesma

napahagikhik at naloka ako kay tito sen. parang echo lang ang peg. hehe

Like

17 09 2012
qwertyatty

Haha! First reason pa lang, panalo na! xD Nice one, Heckler! 🙂

Like

17 09 2012
jacob dela fuente

Nakaktawa naman ang mga sari saring komento mula sa mga sari saring po;itical figure… at ang manok na walang kamalay malay ay biglang nasadlak sa intriga! ahahaha… Ganda

Somehow, i though maybe if some issues like these arise, we could expect same answers similar to what is posted,

anyway, ituloy lng ang saya at panooring nyo rin ang nakakatawang exploration mula kay Bogart! He said “in the Philippines if you have DSLR you are a professional photographer” (there’s a truth in it though!)

Panoorin nyo to at ituloy ang katatawanang walang hanggan 😀

Like

17 09 2012
Francine Gomez

Cong. Torres has 265 barangays in her congressional district? Buong QC nga, wala pang 150 barangays sa anim na district.

Like

18 09 2012
Anonymous

PAANO MAKALIPAD BUNTIS YAN MALAKI ANG TIYAN TINGNAN MO RIN ANG BULSA UMA APAW…. HA HA HA HA , REMEMBER POLITICS IS A DIRTY BUSINESS” QUOTE” ,, YOU HAVE TO ADDRESS THEM IN PUBLIC ” Your Honor or Honorable Juan” he he he he think about it……….

Like

18 09 2012
lina crisostomo

cguro naisip ng chicken na hindi na malakas ang partido nila kya tumawid na sya sa kabila ..sigurista lang naman ang chicken na mananalo sya sa susunod na election…

Like

20 09 2012
getmad

Hillary: Edwin,bakit tumawid ang manok nyo sa kabila?
Edwin:: Sori po, madam secretary, pero narinig ko po sa mga tao, wala daw po kasing may itlog sa palasyo ng malakanyang.

Like

20 09 2012
denxoholic

this made my day! LOL.

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