CHICKEN!

WHY DID THE CHICKEN cross the road? Here’s why according to prominent Filipinos!


Tourism Sec. Mon Jimenez: It’s more fun on the other side.

President Aquino: The order came from me. I wanted to secure the eggs on the other side. But that’s the extent of the instructions I gave the chicken. As for the allegation that it tried to raid a barn, there’s always the presumption of innocence unless proven otherwise.

Resigned Usec. Rico E. Puno: Very specific ang order sa manok: tumawid ka sa kalsada at i-secure ang mga itlog sa kabila. Ang hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit may gustong manira sa manok at gawan ito ng maraming istorya.

Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno: No one, no one but God made the chicken cross the road.

Sen. Tito Sotto: Walang iba, walang iba kundi Panginoon ang nagawang magpatawid sa manok sa kalsada.

Sotto’s Chief of Staff Hector Villacorta: Ginagawa naman ng lahat ‘yan, what’s the big deal?

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago: Panginoon, bigyan mo ako ng isa pang buhay, at iimbestigahan ko ang manok na ito!

Isko Moreno: Pinagbantaan ho kasi ang manok. Sabi daw ho ipapapatay, maraming nakarinig.. Kaya siguro tumawid.

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim: O, tumawid na ang manok. Manahimik na lang kayo.

Former Chief Justice Renato Corona: The chicken wishes to be excused.

Justice Sec. Leila De Lima: There is a conspiracy! May tumawid na aso, may tumawid na pato, may tumawid na tao. Why is the chicken being singled out?

Quezon City Rep. Winnie Castelo:


Sen. Chiz Escudero: Baka may ka-meeting. Again “meeting.” Masyado nang matanda ang manok para tawaging date ‘yon.

Tulfo Brothers: Aba’y tarantado pala ang gagong manok na ‘yan eh. Paano kung naaksidente siya? ‘Wag na ‘wag ko lang makakasabay sa kalsada ang hayup na ‘yan, sasagasaan ko talaga!

Rolito Go: Hindi po siya tumawid. Kinidnap siya.

Annabelle Rama: Bakit dong? Kapag sinagot ko ba ang tanong na ‘yan, may TF ako?

KC Concepcion: May hinahanap kasing basic lang ang manok na nasa kabila ng kalsada. Ayokong magbigay ng detalye Tito Boy. Ayokong siraan ang manok.

Korina Sanchez: Eh kasi nga may humahabol na maliliit at maiitim na maligno.

Vice President Jejomar Binay: I categorically deny na hinabol ko ang manok!

Sen. Tito Sotto: I categorically deny na hinabol ko ang manok!
——————
“Roads are no place for naive chickens dreaming of nirvana.”
~ Shalom Auslander, Hope: A Tragedy

Quote of the Weak
“I have 256 barangays under me. Will I waste my time going to each barangay saying ‘O, ‘tong kalyeng to, ito ‘yong pondo na ibinigay ni PNoy para sa barangay n’yo.’  I can’t do that.”
~ Congresswoman Lucy Torres on why she had to put up tarpaulins with her and her husband’s huge images

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

41 thoughts on “CHICKEN!”

  1. Great!. Love the castelo graphic/poster

    Q.why did the political chicken cross the road
    A. To get to the other bribe

    Q.why did the chicken cross the road
    A.
    Lapid: why didn’t it try to go round
    Tim Bradley: bcoz he’s chicken
    Ochoa: i need the presidents permission to answer
    Sotto: Roads are no place for naive chickens
    dreaming of nirvana
    P-noy: the chicken has always been on the other side. It just pretends to be on this side.
    Puno: because it couldn’t fly

    Like

  2. The chicken didn’t want to cross the road. It was being trafficked.

    “World’s Biggest Liar is an annual competition for telling lies, held in Cumbria , England . Competitors from around the world have five minutes to tell the biggest and most convincing lie they can.
    Politicians and lawyers are not allowed to
    enter the competition, because “they are
    judged to be too skilled at telling porkies”. ( pork pies: rhyming slang for lies)
    Wikipedia

    Puno and his shady consultant/holiday companion, myro lopez, would be naturals.
    Using an honest, and dead man, to corroborate lies, – masterly.

    Like

  3. Who are you kidding Lucy Torres?
    Bakit kasama pati asawa mong walang alam dyan sa tarp mo?
    You said during your guesting to Karen Davila’s program on the reason why you put up those tarps eh ginagawa din ng kalaban mo so to level the playing field. You cannot correct a wrong with another mistake.
    Sana maging matalino na ang mag taga Ormoc. Ang ganda ng probinsya ninyo para lang makigulo tong si Richard Gomez na hindi naman taga diyan sa inyo.

    Like

    1. Kayo naman. Toto-o namang gayuma ang mukha ng sillylebrity. Siya ang tamis ng icecream ni Lucy para cya umumbok at tuloyang langawin. “Like people, like government”, sabi ni Karlel. BOTO-to yan lang. Kayo na ang sing tikas ni Richard, di ba ninyo samantalahin? Hihigitan ko yan kong sing tangos ilong ko tulad nya.

      Like

  4. Maraming palusot ang alisto! Simpleng salamat sa LIBRENG PATALASTAS, tuwa na ni HU WAN kaya. Si HU WAN nagkukunwang mangmang, tulad ng kalabaw mabagal at mahaba ang pagpigil, subalit nanunuwag pag puno na ang kabalbalan sa paligid. Nalilingid ba ang pagka-alisto nila, samantalang panahon pa naman tayo ni Kristo? Maliban lamang kung ang paniwala nila ay panahon na talaga tayo ni Taning. Ibang usapan na yon, malilitse na nga ang bayan.

    Like

  5. Q: Why did Libertas’ chickens cross the road?
    A: To make sure that there will be enough eggs to throw at someone else’s face.

    * * * * * * * * * *

    Cong. Lucy is a pig (because of pork barrels), so she must be singled out of all chicken solons of the country. You know something? NO PORK FOR YOU, COME BACK ONE TERM!

    * * * * * * * * * *

    Best lines of the chicken jokes include: Sen. Miriam’s and Cong. Winnie.

    Like

  6. Nakaktawa naman ang mga sari saring komento mula sa mga sari saring po;itical figure… at ang manok na walang kamalay malay ay biglang nasadlak sa intriga! ahahaha… Ganda

    Somehow, i though maybe if some issues like these arise, we could expect same answers similar to what is posted,

    anyway, ituloy lng ang saya at panooring nyo rin ang nakakatawang exploration mula kay Bogart! He said “in the Philippines if you have DSLR you are a professional photographer” (there’s a truth in it though!)

    Panoorin nyo to at ituloy ang katatawanang walang hanggan 😀

    Like

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