FRESH!


PRESIDENT AQUINO delivered his third State of the Nation Address last Monday, July 23. Getting mostly positive reviews, the President’s speech was reportedly applauded 119 times – or as Niel Tupas and Miro Quimbo would probably tell the media, 345 times.

The President’s speech lasted one and a half hours. It was interrupted 119 times by applause and two times by cough.

Vice President Binay gave President Aquino’s third SONA a rating of 8.5 to 9 out of a possible 10. Senator Lacson gave him an 8.5; Senator Jinggoy, a 9.9 , and both Senator Angara and former President Joseph Etsrada, a 7. With these figures, Malacañang expects a ‘Fresh’ rating from Rotten Tomatoes.

Eastern Samar Representative Ben Evardone described President Aquino’s speech as “a very comprehensive achievement report.” That’s the same description he gave Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s nine SONAs.


The State of the Nation Address also marked the annual gathering of the country’s multimillionaires. That explains the huge sign outside the Batasan Complex last Monday: “Sorry for the inconvenience. Your taxes working for you.”

President Aquino expressed support for the Sin Tax Bill hoping this would help curb vices like alcohol and smoking. Ahm, awkward.

Talking about the justice system, President Aquino said, “If you are guilty, you will be made to pay for your sins, no matter who you are.” And I was like, ‘Ehem, Ronald Llamas.’

The President added, “It is possible for the scales to be set right, and for even the rich and powerful to be held accountable.” Unless your name is Delfin Lee, Ruben Ecleo, or Joel Reyes.


The President also heaped praises on some members of his cabinet. Caught by TV cameras, TESDA Director General Joel Villanueva was all smiles when the President publicly endorsed thanked him.

Reports say the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of Philippines is disappointed at President Aquino for endorsing Responsible Parenthood in his SONA. The CBCP says there is no connection between the problems in education and Responsible Parenthood. Either that, or the CBCP had lost connection with reality.

In his third SONA, President Aquino said, “Nothing is impossible.” That was an interesting quote from someone who actually once made a living as a Nike supervisor.

President Aquino also discussed peace in his SONA. He talked about a terrorist who was neutralized, and the MILF’s renewed “trust” on the government. Unfortunately, there was no mention of any concrete plans to forge peace between Annabelle Rama and Amalia Fuentes.

The title of the President’s speech was “Report Kay Boss.” After citing gains, statistics, and making more promises, he ended it with, “Hindi ko ito SONA. Kayo ang gumawa nito.” If all else fails, he’s off the hook.

In Other News
China has established Sansha City, a new municipality in the South China Sea aimed at strengthening its control over disputed islands. The Department of Foreign Affairs says the Philippine government does not recognize the establishment of Sansha City. To which China said, “O, tapos?”

China’s Sansha City in the South China Sea elected its first mayor on Tuesday, July 24. Xiao Jie won the mayoral race against a starfish, a barracuda, and a seahorse.

Sansha City was established on Yongxing Island some 220 miles away from China’s tropical Hainan Island. A number of Americans are reportedly furious at China for doing that. And Beijing was like, “Helllllo, Hawaii!”
———————————-
“The President is the last person in the world to know what the people really want and think.”
~James A. Garfield

Enjoy the rest of the week! Good luck to the UP Fighting Maroons who are up against the NU Bulldogs tomorrow, July 26.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Personal: A shout-out to Joy and Mr. Tony Redoble of Talisay City in Cebu. Maayong adlaw diha!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

16 thoughts on “FRESH!”

  1. re: sin tax bill = simply to generate more taxes at hindi to curb ng kung anoano, ang mga naninigarilyo at umiinom ay maninigarilyo at iinom mga yan kahit sky-high pa ang presyo ng yusi at alak

    re: ben evardone = a sipsip in action

    re: nike = nagtrabaho si noynoy doon not to make a living, ano lang, wala lang, basta lang may magawa

    re: xiao jie = at ang mga bumoto ay mga starfishes, mga barracudas at mga seahorses din

    pero bakit city kaagad, mga chinese talaga, mga pasaway din, seriously, napaka helpless talaga ng philippines, nakakaawa, para tayong inaagawan ng isang bully at walang magawa kundi magmasid na lang, hihingi man ng tulong walang tutulong dahil lahat yata ng bansa takot sa na sa china tsktsk

    re: justice system = ang mga kasalanan naman ni llamas ay mga trivial sins lang naman

    Like

  2. so many tax evaders in one room that kim henares almost had an orgasm.

    P-noy’s gait – straight out of the ministry of silly walks. Makes you wonder who angara was talking about when he mentioned an ex-senator who is gay!

    No FoI. Sigh of relief from congressmen/senators. PDAF scams remain safe.

    With wives in town, a day off for mistresses and gro’s

    Like

  3. prof,

    ala, ay pakibura nu’ng naulet sa ibaba.

    ay, hindi ko alam kung bakin baga parang minulto, eh.

    pasensiya na’t nagngangalit la’ang sa nabasa kong nakawala na ang salot na nunal at nakalabas na sa VMMC pagkatapos magpiyansa ng isang milyong hindi niya pera!

    ay, siya. pasenssiya na talaga eh.

    Like

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