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INTERVIEW WITH THE DEVIL III

14 07 2012

AFTER A MONTH-LONG stay in Syria, the devil is back! To the utter surprise of press people, the confessed famewhore, attention-seeker and scene-stealer called a press conference early this morning. Here’s the transcript of another exclusive interview.

‘Musta?

Heto, puyat. Pero sobrang saya!

Ano na namang kademonyohan ang ginawa mo?

‘Di mo ba nabalitaan ang nangyari? Maghapo’t magdamag ka sa Twitter wala kang alam?

Ulol!

Thank you.

Ano ngang nangyari?

Sige na nga. Ganito ‘yon. Dumaan ako sa burol ni Mang Dolphy kagabi sa Heritage Park. Wala naman akong planong magtagal dahil sobrang liwanag ng paligid. Punyeta. Hindi ako makalapit. Eh biglang natanaw ko ang aking personal favorite, si Annabelle Rama. So ‘yun, I did what I thought would give me a sense of fulfillment.


So ikaw pala ang may kagagawan ng pagwawala ni Annabelle Rama kagabi!

Uh-huh. Proudly!

Bad ka talaga!

Thank you.

Hindi ka man lang rumespeto sa patay!

Excuse me dong! Guide lang ako. May free will kayo. Nagsa-suggest lang ako ng kasamaan. Kung ayaw n’yong gawin, hindi ko pipilitin.

Nagsa-suggest? Eh hinabol ni Annabelle ng bread knife si Chito Alcid ‘tapos muntik nang hambalusin ng tungkod sa mismong burol?!! You’re despicable!

Thank you! Pero malay ko bang ganun ang mangyayari. Ang ginawa ko lang naman, binulungan ko si Bisaya. Sabi ko, “‘Day, papunta ng kubeta ang baklang reporter na kinasuhan mo ng libel. Panahon na para turuan siya ng leksyon. Wala ka bang gagawin ‘day?” Hindi ko naman sinabing habulin niya ng bread knife ‘noh.


Nakakahiya kayo. You’ve totally lost the last iota of decency left in your lives!

Har har har! Don’t iota me dong! At anong decency ang pinagsasasabi mo d’yan!? Kaya nga demonyo ako ‘di ba? Bastusan ang forte ko, bobo! Balik tayo kay Annabelle. Kahit nga ako, nagulat nang konti eh. I mean, she made me extra proud last night and I appreciate that. Pero I did not expect na she’d overachieve. That was a new low for her. *cue canned applause here* I love it! Sana lang nakita n’yo ang reaksyon ng mga dating artista ng Sampaguita Pictures na naroon sa lamay. Grabe, hindi ko alam kung na-shock sila o talagang ‘di lang gumagalaw ang mga pisngi at noo nila dahil sa Botox. Har har har

I heard isa raw sa mga umawat si Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson.

‘Yon nga ang ikinakabuwisit ko. ‘Tong Chavit Singson na ‘to, walang loyalty! Kung may papapahalaga siya sa pagkakaibigan namin, dapat hinayaan niyang magkasakitan ‘yong dalawa. Malilintikan sa ‘kin ‘yan ‘pag nagkita kami later.

Maiba ako, huwag mong sabihing ikaw rin ang may pakana ng pagtakbo raw ni Bisaya next year for a seat in Congress.

Uh-huh. We’re getting there. Tinatantya ko lang ang pulso ng mga Cebuano. We will make an announcement soon. Excited na nga ako eh. Can you imagine kapag may kaaway siya sa Kamara? Ang headlines: “Cebu Representative Annabelle Rama, binato ng rostrum si Deputy Speaker Boying Remulla” o kaya “Talent manager-solon disrupts SONA; forcibly removed from session hall” I can’t wait!

Sa tingin mo mananalo?

Dong, don’t underestimate the Cebuanos. Hindi ko naman nilalahat pero marami d’yan ang enjoy na enjoy sa pinagaggagawa ni Bisaya ‘dong. Isama mo pa sa kampanya sina Rechard at Roffa dong. Panalo! Huwag na si Raymond dong, high-end masyado ‘yon. Hindi makaka-relate ang voters sa Magnum at Esquire ‘dong.

Ano sa tingin mo ang mga bills na ihahain ni Annabelle sakaling manalo siya?

Siyempre, meron siyang limang priority bills:
Anti-Nadia Montenegro Act
Anti-Amalia Fuentes Act
Anti-Chito Alcid Act
Anti-Cristy Fermin Act
At ‘yong Anti-Heart Evangelista and Mrs. Cecile Ongpauco Act.

Any final message for Ms Annabelle Rama?

‘Day, keep it up! You’re doing great. And congratulations… may bago ka na namang kaso! If you only knew how proud I am. Nandito lang ako lagi to guide you. Pero may ipapakiusap lang sana ako sa ‘yo. Kasi, lagi na lang Sto. Niño ang binabanggit mo sa ‘yong interviews. That’s a bit unfair. Paano naman ako? Hellllo! Give credit where credit is due. Ok ‘day?


Sasamantalahin ko na ang pagkakataon, tatanungin na rin kita sa ibang usapin. Mabilisan lang ‘to. Tell me your thoughts on these topics. Una, ang pag-bless ng MMDA sa Edsa.

Pathetic! Motorista ang bendisyunan n’yo ‘wag ‘yong Edsa. Nananahimik ‘yong kalsada, ginugulo n’yo! ‘Kita mo naman, matapos mag-ikot ang pari sa Edsa, sunud-sunod na aksidente ang nangyari. Lalo ring nagkabuhul-buhol ang trapiko. So sinong mas powerful? Ako! Har har har

Nabalitaan mo ba ‘yong pagpapakain daw ni Davao City Vice Mayor Rodrigo Duterte ng fake land title sa isang swindler?

Of course! Ako pa! Nandun ako ‘noh! Rudy has been a friend of mine for like decades. Alam mo na!

Lastly, anong masasabi mo kay Mang Dolphy?

Hindi ko siya gusto. Mas pinili niya ang kalaban ko. Hmpf! Eh ‘di magtiis siya sa langit. Booooring!

Bitter?!?

Nasaksak ka na ba ng bread knife?

Tarantado!

Thank you.
——————————–
“There’s money, and then there’s class. The two are often separated.”
– Kate Jacobs

In case you missed:
Interview With the Devil Part 2
Interview With the Devil

Quote of the Weak:
“Talagang nasaktan ako. Bakit kasi dito pa kay Dolphy na hindi na n’ya nirespeto. This is the ultimate kabastusan.”
~Entertainment columnist Chito Alcid

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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14 responses

14 07 2012
Libertas

The devils disciples are on the rise.

This week, junior binay’s driver – drunk according to police – kills a child, and then speeds off – (binay jr. not in the car). Binays response “i may have to suspend him” !! a cheque to family and no charges i suspect.

life is cheap, and so are these uncouth, unprincipled, paragons of mediocrity, hypocricy, and stupidity.

They may have now found ‘gods particle’, but whatever quiboloy may say, it is clearly not here!

Lets stop lowering the bar.

Like

14 07 2012
Herald

Panalo. made my afternoon coffee break. Thumbs up!

Like

14 07 2012
crickette inserto

Oh! So this is what happened. Ive been asking people what Annabel did sa wake, I asked the wrong people! She’s so funny.

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17 07 2012
luar

funny?

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14 07 2012
Anonymous

Entertaining read!

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14 07 2012
B.A.

Hi Professional Heckler. Witty, as always. Can you please find a way for this brilliant article to reach your subject? Any publicity is good publicity, right? And also, is there a way too for this to be published in local Cebu newspapers? Let’s help them avoid a disaster! 🙂

Like

15 07 2012
jasper

sana nga ma elect si bisaya sa congreso. imagine pag nagbangaan sila ni miriam. ang saya-saya only in the philippines.

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15 07 2012
senior60

ano nga ba dapat gawin to a woman like annabelle, she is a disgrace to her family, i’m sure hiyang-hiya na mga anak nya sa kanya, i disown kaya nila kanilang ina, at si eddie, wala man lang magawa tsktsktsk

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15 07 2012
senior60

ano nga kaya masasabi ni father na no effect kanyang bendisyon

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15 07 2012
senior60

natawa ako doon sa picture above with abs logo, natakot much

na baka angkinin ng gma? hahaha

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15 07 2012
emmanuel garcia

when spoken with intended fun in Visayan, iota becomes iyot-a, which is an expression of swearing (the root word is one of the many equivalents of the English F). when spoken fast, it becomes “fuck it”. quite devilish. so much gross Visayan 101.

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15 07 2012
Anonymous

Hi! Rody Duterte is not the City Mayor, he’s the VM. And it’s Rody for Rodrigo 🙂

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16 07 2012
Anti-Devil

Hahaha. Please tell the Devil to F*ck Anabelle! No way she’s gonna win here in Cebu.

Like

16 07 2012
senior60

at sino ang nagsabing CM si VM at papaluin natin saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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