Monday, July 2,2012
11:15 PM
Metro mayor watches late-night news.

11:30 PM (Via Twitter)
PAGASA says moderate to heavy rains loom over most parts of National Capital Region; advises the public to take precautionary measures

(Inaantok na si Mayor)

11:45 PM
PAGASA says moderate to heavy rains also expected over CAMANAVA area and Manila based on latest satellite and radar images

12:00 MN
Mayor goes to sleep
(Umuulan na, naka-aircon pa. Ikaw na!)

Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Heavy downpour in the metro
(Sarap ng tulog ni mayor)

Parents wake their kids up for school
No announcement yet whether classes are suspended or not
(Tulog pa rin si Mayor)

Rain continues
Some areas already flooded

Kids and students start leaving for school braving the rains and flooded streets
(Ay, finally gising na si Mayor)

Mayor gets a call from aide (Radio/TV programs requesting an interview)
Mayor declines (wala pa kasing masasabi)

While monitoring radio/TV reports, mayor eats his breakfast: tapang usa, cheese and bacon omelette, cream cheese on bagels and grapefruit with whole-wheat toast & almond butter
No announcement yet from DepEd/CHEd
(Naghihintay si Mayor ng advice)

Stranded passengers spotted; submerged streets reported

Mayor takes a shower; prepares for work

Mayor leaves for the city hall

Mayor tells office employees: “Wala namang storm signal eh. Mahina naman ang ulan. ‘Tsaka nandito na rin lang kayo. Bakit ako magsu-suspend?”

TV/radio/social media receive reports from the NDRRMC and the MMDA;
Situation in several areas in the Metro gets worse

Mayor X suspends classes in the elementary and high school levels

Mayor Y: “Uy, wala nang klase sa siyudad ni Mayor X! Tayo rin!”
Mayor Y orders suspension of classes in his city

Mayor Z: “Bogart, check mo nga kung talagang baha sa Kerengkeng St. Kung oo, tawagan mo si Mike Enriquez o si Ted Failon. Magsu-suspend tayo.”

Mayor L: “Nagpauwi na sina Mayor X, Y, at Z. Baka magalit ang constituents ko. Jenny, draft mo ko ng statement. Paki-fax sa dzRH, dzMM, dzBB, dwIZ. Suspendehin na rin natin ang klase.”

Mayor A: “Sige na nga, maki-trending na rin. Becbec, paki-tweet naman. Gamitin mo ang account ko @MayorLovesYou, pakisabi, afternoon classes officially suspended.

Mayor K, E, R, and S followed suit. The more, the manyer.

Parents start arriving in schools.
“Eh kasi bakit pinapasok pa ang mga bata, alam naman nilang magdamag umuulan.”

“Sinabihan ko naman si Junior na ‘wag na lang pumasok. Eh may quiz daw. Ang tigas ng ulo. Ayan ang napala. Naputikan ang uniform.”

“Put*ng-ina kasi. Lagi na lang ganyan. Alam n’yo ba kung gaano kahirap maghatid-sundo sa baha? ‘Buti sana kung naka-Hummer kami katulad ni Mayor. Punyeta!”

“May pasok pa nga ho ako kaya lang walang susundo kay Letlet, Jhunjhun at Tonton kaya umabsent na lang ako.”

“Kuya, saan lalabas ang interview na ito? 24 Oras? Ay sorry! Si Jeff Canoy ka nga pala.”

DepEd points finger at LGUs
LGUs point finger at DepEd

Traffic all over the metro

Malacañang issues a statement.

What the spokesperson said
(What s/he wanted to say)

“Nakalagay po sa Executive Order No. 66, series of 2012, that the suspension of morning classes must be announced by 4:30 in the morning para naman po maiwasan po nating makalabas na ‘yung mga bata at ‘yung ating mga magulang nakapaghatid.”
(Gumising kasi kayo nang maaga mga hinayupak kayo! Pati kami sa palasyo nasisisi sa inefficiency n’yo. Leche. Inuulit ko: on or before 4:30 dapat may desisyon na kayo. Wala kayong karapatang gumising nang late. Presidente lang ang may ganyang prebilihiyo!)

“We would like to take this opportunity to remind them that the responsibility to suspend classes in times of inclement weather when there are no storm signals belongs now to the local government officials.
(Enero pa ‘yang EO na ‘yan. Nagbabasa ba kayo? Hindi namin alam kung nagta-tanga-tangahan kayo o talagang tanga lang! Napakalinaw ng direktiba ‘di ba? Kapag walang storm signal, kayo na ang magpasya. Eh bakit ganyan na naman ang nangyari? Ginagalit n’yo ba ang taumbayan? Kaya bumababa ang rating ng presidente dahil sa inyo eh. SONA month pa naman. Buwisit!)

“We are giving them a little bit more time to cope with the new system and we hope that this will be the last time.”
(I’m sure, mauulit na naman ‘yan sa susunod na bagyo. Umayos nga kayo!)

A rain-soaked mayor appears on TV surrounded by his grateful constituents
“Ang ginagawa kong ito ay para sa inyong lahat. Umulan man o bumagyo, kasama n’yo ako.”

Is it 2013 yet?

In Other News
The US government says mermaids do not exist. Batangas Governor Vilma Santos considers this as an insult to her aquatic past.

According to the US government, there is no evidence that mermaids exist. Well, there’s also no evidence that Osama Bin Laden is dead.

The US government insists mermaids and zombies do not exist. Santa Claus is worried; he could be the next target.

Breaking: CNN’s Anderson Cooper has admitted that he’s a lie from the devil – Miriam Quiambao
“There are no solutions at the end of a pointed finger.”
~Ray A. Davis

Quotes Quiz. Who tweeted:
“A little bit of rain, a whole lot of trouble for the metro. Has to be a long term plan.”
A: Mar Roxas
B: Adel Tamano
C: Dick Gordon
D: Sonny Angara

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Answer to Quotes Quiz: D


Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler


  1. Here it is my good buddy, every year the Philippines experiences an average of 26 Typhoons, half of which hits Metro Manila, you’d think our Government Agencies should have a system in place by now 67 years after the liberation, but no, we have always been reactionary instead of preventive…to this day our Gov Agencies in charge of these calamities are still CLUELESS or simply do not care since they and their families are not affected.. Have i mentioned that we have only two seasons? Dry and WET Season for Heaven’s sake! It rains probably 120 days a year on the average, you’d think Flood Control Systems should be in place all over the Metro, nah, not us! We all know what causes floods 😦 THEY DO TOO!!! Now PAGASA says they will inform us of the probability of Rain by the Color posted on their websites, bahala na raw ang LGU’s mag decide kung sususpende classes or not, now kung wala kang internet, bahala ka sa buhay mo!


    1. what causes floods nga ba? ang mga basura na itinatapon ng mga tao sa kung saan-saan lang, now, if until eternity the populace will not have self-discipline, kasalanan na nila ang baha, sayang lang pera para sa mga flood control systems etc.

      kung ako nasa gobierno, educate the madlang people through television, the easiest way of communicating now because it is everywhere, flood it with information complete with visuals at isaksak sa kanilang baga ang worst effects ng mga basura nilang mga gawain


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