BREAKING: Below is the Devil’s official statement with regard to the recent developments in the Corona Impeachment Trial.

“Mainit na pagbati sa inyong lahat! Ako ay labis na nalulungkot sa pangyayaring ito sa Senado.

Nitong mga nakaraang buwan ay tinangka kong itago ang multimilyong dolyares ni Chief Justice Renato Corona sa publiko at lalung-lalo na sa impeachment court. Gayunman, ako ay nabigo.

I’m still in a state of shock. Naghahanap pa rin ako ng kasagutan. Bakit kailangang ipatawag at iharap ng Depensa sa paglilitis ang matandang babaeng ‘yan? To say that I’m upset is an understatement! Gusto kong pumatay.

With defense lawyers like that, who needs the prosecution?

To Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales, you ARE pathetic! Ang tanda-tanda mo na, nagpapagamit ka pa sa kabutihan! Eeew. Magtirik ka na ng kandila! Ipagdasal mong huwag tayong magkasalubong sa mall, sa NAIA, sa Korte Suprema, o sa Serendra, tatamaan at tatamaan ka sa akin!

Ngunit hindi rito nagtatapos ang laban. Hindi ako susuko. Gagawa ako ng paraan upang lituhin ang publiko sa mga susunod na araw. Tatapatan ko ang PowerPoint report na ‘yan ng Audio-Visual Presentation in 3D! Lintek lang ang walang ganti!

Hate hate hate,
The Devil

P.S. Kinumpirma rin kahapon ni Derek Ramsey na break na sila ni Angelica Panganiban. At least, hindi ako na-zero for the day. Love is overrated! You guys made the right decision. Yehey!

Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales revealed that Chief Justice Renato Corona had 82 accounts in five banks with at least 10 million dollars in “transactional balances.” Corona has since denied the allegations saying the accounts belonged to his younger brother, Iggy Corona.

Citing evidence from the Anti-Money Laundering Council (AMLC), the Ombudsman revealed that Chief Justice Corona had 82 US dollar accounts with at least $10 million in bank deposits. And all he could afford were leaking condo units??

According to AMLC, Chief Justice Renato Corona had 82 dollar accounts. And in a shocking turn of events, China declared it owned those dollar accounts!

CJ Corona’s Official Statement
(And what he REALLY wanted to say)

The initial testimony of the Honorable Ombudsman is quite unfortunate, if not very malicious.
(Midas and I were about to have our merienda yesterday afternoon when I saw her on TV. Nawalan ako ng gana. Hindi ako nakakain.)

I don’t know how she came up with her own mathematical equation.
(She doesn’t even know how to use MS Word, how was she able to come up with a PowerPoint presentation? Dubious!)

She made a hodgepodge out of the accounts, making her numbers chaotic.
(Pucha, paano nila na-discover ‘yon?)

The number of accounts alone is at best ridiculous.
(It’s not 82. It’s 81, morons!)

Her PowerPoint diagram is a lantern of lies which only messed up her presentation, contrary to what some believe now as damning evidence.
(Nalito ako sa dami ng graphics. Ang gulo pa ng isip ko habang pinanapanood ang testimony. Na-confuse tuloy ako.)

Either she does not know what she is talking about, or is purposely misleading the Impeachment Court and the public.
(Alam kong malaki ang inggit mo sa akin dahil ‘di ka na-appoint na Chief Justice. But come on, ‘di ka pa rin ba nakaka-move on?)

Is she even privy to how the AMLC arrived at the bloated numbers?
(“Bloated” I have to use this term. Mahirap na. Baka kapag sinabi kong I have NO dollar accounts, lalo akong madiin.)

We will debunk all her bloated numbers.
(Again, “debunk.” I didn’t say “deny.”)

And once she is proven wrong, I urge her to immediately resign from her post for allowing herself to be used by this Administration and making a laughingstock of “government auditing.”
(Magsama-sama tayo sa impyerno.)

Indeed, this is another LRA hoax!
(I wish! So help me God.)

In Other News…
President Aquino joked that he would consider joining the priesthood in 2016. Ok, we get it. You’re single again.

The President said he’d probably become a priest in 2016. Let’s see:
Single: Check!
Enjoys the company of kids: Check!
Loves fancy cars: Check.
Ok, you can be a priest!

Senator Loveliness?
Actress and incumbent Parañaque City Councilor Alma Moreno is reportedly running for senator next year under Lakas-CMD. I don’t know which was more shocking: that Alma Moreno’s running or that Lakas-CMD’s still existing.

Gay Prexy
Reacting to reports that President Obama supports same sex union, Manny Pacquiao said, “Leviticus 20:13: If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” To which Obama replied, “Hebrew 13:4 Marriage must be respected by all and husband and wife faithful to each other. God will punish the immoral and the adulterous! Period!”

Following his recent statement supporting gay marriage, US President Barack Obama was named “the first gay president” by Newsweek magazine. Miriam Pacquiao Quiambao is disappointed.
“A man is usually more careful of his money than he is of his principles.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quotes Quiz: Who said…
“We are back to where we started. This is to prove that our party is still alive. We are not politically dead.”
A: Sen. Bong Revilla of Lakas-CMD
B: Sen. Manuel Villar of the Nacionalista Party
C: Sen. Loren Legarda of the Nationalist People’s Coalition
D: Ex-Pres. Joseph Estrada of the Partido ng Masang Pilipino

A popular lawmaker is reportedly dating a young actress. They’d actually make a beautiful couple. Hint: Combine lawmaker’s initials and you get a woman’s name mentioned in an OPM. Young actress’ initials? A school subject.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Quotes Quiz Answer:
A: Bong Revilla of Lakas

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

32 thoughts on “82”

  1. if i were the father of angelica, i certainly would have advised her to get away from dereck, for what will she profit from the relationship, the man is married and therefore she will always be a kerida, good if dereck is as rich as tonyboy, if that’s any consolation, but dereck? his riches is only as long as he is still hot and young in the industry


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