The Professional Heckler

CNNGo.Com named Manila as the world’s third worst city for driving. That is totally unfair. Manila should have at least placed second.

MMDA chairman Francis Tolentino doubted CNN’s report and questioned its basis. CNN immediately issued a rejoinder saying it respects Tolentino’s in denial stance on the matter.

(Not So) Panatag Shoal
Are you monitoring the news on Scarborough Shoal? China has been sending its state of the art vessels in the disputed sandbar. Meanwhile, the government sent the 47-year-old BRP Gregorio Del Pilar and the M/Y Saranggani, a Philippine archaeological vessel. And then something awkward happened. The Philippines was compelled to pull out BRP Gregorio Del Pilar because the Chinese mistook it for an artifact.

Savings
The first Consumer Finance Survey conducted by the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas revealed 78.5 percent of Filipino families do not have bank deposits.The rest were politicians.

Court Order
SM Baguio refused to accept a court order that sought to stop the uprooting of trees in Luneta Hill where SM intends to build a parking lot. BREAKING: SM Baguio is reportedly changing its name to “Leila De Lima Mall.”

Erap is 75
Happy birthday to former president Joseph Estrada who turned 75 on April 19. Joseph Estrada: Today… a name; tomorrow… a Manila resident.

Reports say former President Joseph Estrada, a resident and former mayor of San Juan will run for mayor of Manila. And Arnold Clavio was like, “Hindi ka naman taga-Maynila eh. Nagkukunwari ka lang Manileño!”

Nora vs. Vilma
Bacolod Rep. Anthony Golez proposed that Nora Aunor be declared a National Artist. Quezon Rep. Erin Tañada proposed that Vilma Santos be declared a National Artist too. The public proposed that these congressmen attend to more important matters.

Robinsons Robbery
One of the two suspects in the Robinsons Galleria mall robbery last March 28 was arrested in Iloilo. He was immediately brought to Manila where he was positively identified by one of the witnesses, the “snake.”

Let There Be Light (2012) II
Q: How many Juan Miguel Zubiris does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But he will quit before the job is done.

Q: How many Loren Legardas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to blame global warming for the short bulb life.

Q: How many Leila De Limas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it, one to file a complaint against the manufacturer of the old bulb, and one to issue a hold departure against the same manufacturer. (Wait, there’s a fourth one: to hold a press conference and update the media on the case.)

Q: How many Greenpeace members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to recycle the burnt bulb.

Q: How many Felipe L. Gozons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one… but at the right price.

Q: How many Manny V. Pangilinans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He’ll pay someone to do it for him.

Q: How many presidential spokespersons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to tweet about a job well done.

Q: How many lawyers from ‘The Firm’ (Villaraza Cruz Marcelo & Angangco) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends. How many can you afford?

Q: How many Joseph Estradas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change it, and three to shout, “Mabuhay si Presidente Erap!”

Q: How many Hayden Kho Jrs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another to secretly videotape what’s happening.

Q: How many Lito Lapids does it take to change a light bulb?
A:

Q: How many Lito Lapids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “What’s a light bulb?”

Q: How many Tourism secretaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s more fun in the dark!
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“Life is too short for traffic.”
~ Dan Bellack

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.