BREAKING: FRIDAY THE 13TH, North Korea launches rocket!

Reports say the long-range missile broke apart in the air and crashed right into the ocean. The North Korean rocket launch failed. And Kim Jong-un is blaming Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Renato Corona.

The North Korean rocket launch was a failure. They’re not prepared! In fact, our NDRRMC is more prepared than North Korea.

The NDRRMC confirms the North Korean rocket broke apart and crashed into the Yellow Sea. Malacañang was quick to deny that the rocket was pro-Noynoy.

North Korea will release a statement in a while. They’re just fixing their telegraph.

I wish a portion of the rocket develops a life of its own, boomerangs, and slams right into kim jong-un’s fat face!

NORTH KOREA has potponed its highly anticipated rocket launch Thursday morning. This, after Kim Jong-Un woke up late after partying the night before with former classmates from the Ateneo De Pyongyang.

North Korea’s rocket launch was postponed Thursday due to bad weather. Kim Jong-un admitted he didn’t expect the unfavorable weather condition. Embarrassed, a furious Kim fired weather bureau chief, Prisconilo Yong-nam.

Reports say though that North Korea will push through with the scheduled rocket launch within the next 48 hours. Jack Bauer’s got plenty of time to stop it.

At around 5PM, Thursday, the Philippine government said there’s no sighting yet of the North Korean rocket, or of Joel T. Reyes and of Jovito Palparan.

On Wednesday, Kim Jong-un was formally promoted chief of North Korea’s ruling political group, the Workers’ Party. Kim Jong-un vowed to continue what his father Kim Jong-il had started: developing nuclear & missile programs, and starving his people.

Population & Politics
As of May 1, 2010, there are 92.34 million Filipinos. Yup, there are over 92 million Filipinos today… and yet, the Liberal Party couldn’t come up with a strong senatorial slate for 2013.

Vice President Binay’s PDP Laban and ex-president Joseph Estrada’s Partido ng Masang Pilipino have signed a coalition agreement for the 2013 elections. Not to be outdone, the Liberal Party will soon form a coalition with Pulse Asia and the Social Weather Stations.

PDP Laban and Partido ng Masang Pilipino formed a coalition to ensure victory in the 2013 elections. Don’t count the Liberal Party out yet. LP looks forward to forming a coalition with ABS-CBN and the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Willie & Politics
TV host Willie Revillame is seeking accreditation for his foundation called “I Wil Serve” as a party-list group in the 2013 midterm elections. The National Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council has advised Filipinos to remain on alert and vigilant.

Pacman’s Ad
Reports say Manny Pacquiao is the new endorser of Hennessy, an expensive Cognac brand. Sought for reaction, God said, “Disappointing!”

Former Senator Rick Santorum has withdrawn his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. He is expected to give his support to his good friend, Noynoy Romney.

Titanic 100
This week marks the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. Let’s offer a minute of silence for the repose of the soul of Leonardo DiCaprio.

Miss Universe
For the first time in the history of the Miss Universe pageant, transgendered contestants will be allowed to join. In a related development, also for the first time in history, the Miss Universe pageant will accept contestants from other planets.
“If you can’t go around it, over it, or through it, you had better negotiate with it”
~Ashleigh Brilliant

Happy Weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

18 thoughts on “FAILURE TO LAUNCH”

  1. Questions & answers

    The transgendered miss canada to compete in miss universe.
    The only question is – would you !?

    The overrated Willie w#nka to set up a party list
    The only answer is No!

    “Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?”
    Marilyn Monroe


  2. hehe kulit din nung mga nagpapakana ng miss universe ah di na lang isipin na kaya nga “miss”, hindi “misster”. paano kaya introduction ng emcee? may disclaimer? saka kung hindi ako nagkakamali, ang alam ko kahit pustiso bawal sa kanila, tapos ngayon eto, papansin lang yata -_-

    hehehe umay na yata ako kaya mas may opinion pa ako sa miss u kesa sa local politics -_-

    naisip ko din na parang wala atang dapat ikatakot kasi di ba nito lang parang may nabalitaan ako na mga us aircraft carrier na malapit sa atin, bukod dyan, hahayaan ba ng america yan ^_^

    ang tanong, san kumukuha ng pondo ang north korea para makagawa sila ng ganyan? alam na kung saan pero bakit ung etong bansa natin kahit pangontra sa mga ganyan wala tayo? tapos sabi ni noynoy may contingency plans sila na sila lang ang makakaligtas pero ung mga kababayan natin dito nakanganga lang. partida maraming sanctions sa north korea, mahina economy nila tapos sa atin naman, wala na si pgma, nilalakbay na natin ang “tuwid na daan” pero wala pa rin, bakit kaya? gising na Pilipinas


  3. Ganito pa rin pala kababa ang pag-intindi ng mga Pinoy tungkol sa transgender. Hindi sila taga-ibang planeta, robot, o persons with “WAYWARD GENDERS.” Katabi natin sila, tao pa rin. Tolerance amounts to nothing without understanding what it before you, and ultimately, it means nothing without acceptance. Pasalamat na lang tayo na “tolerant” ang karamihan sa mga Pinoy sa mga bobo, at hindi pinapatay.


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