OF ROCKETS AND HAPPINESS

FORMER PRESIDENT Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo celebrated her birthday on Maundy Thursday, April 5. She is now 65… making her super-qualified for potential pardon.


Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo marked another birthday last Thursday. The congresswoman turned 65. That’s also the number of her last remaining allies in politics.

The good news: Malacañang wished CGMA an “advanced happy birthday.” The bad news: the wish was announced last April 1.

North Korean Rocket
Amid fears of North Korean rocket launch, President Aquino assures the public that the government is prepared for it. In fact, his Kabarilan friends have offered to shoot down the missile.

President Aquino advised North Korea to focus not on rockets but on feeding its people. To which, Kim Jong-Un said, “Hellllllllow!!!! Impeachment!”

North Korea will push through with its scheduled launch of a long-range rocket next week. I hope the debris falls on fugitive ex-Governor Joel T. Reyes.

If North Korea’s rocket enters their respective air spaces, powerhouse Japan and South Korea vow to shoot it down… while the Philippines vows to shoot photos.

Happiest
According to the United Nations, the Philippines is only the 103rd “happiest” country in the world. When Filipinos read the report, they got so depressed… their ranking slipped further. Sad.

According to UN, war-torn Iraq is even a “happier” country than the Philippines. That’s not funny!

The Philippines is not on the UN’s list of 100 happiest nations. We are at No. 103. And I can name three reasons why: Shell, Petron, and Chevron.

The Philippines is the 103rd “happiest” place in the world. Topping the list of the “happiest” places were the Senate and the Lower House.

Porsche, 76
Ferdinand Porsche, who designed the first Porsche 911, has died in Austria. President Aquino extends his condolences.

Overseas…
In Colombia, a 10-year-old girl who’s a member of the indigenous Wayuu tribe gave birth to a 5-pound baby. The father of the baby is reportedly a 30-year-old man who dreams of becoming a congressman someday.

Twitter War
Veteran actress Amalia Fuentes and talent manager Annabelle Rama are fighting on Twitter. Amalia accused the talent manager of being a “flesh selling woman” and a “burikak.” To which, Annabelle replied, “Excuse me! Hindi ako burikak!”
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“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
~Mark Twain

Enjoy the rest of the looong break! Be safe.

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Author: professionalheckler

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