IT’S LENT. It’s that season of penitence and suffering again. Thank you oil companies for reminding us.

President Aquino on Sunday admitted that the government cannot do anything with the soaring oil prices saying it’s beyond his control. Right now, the only thing that he can control is Congress.

A study conducted by the National Statistical Coordination Board showed that men were generally “happier” than women. The same study found that oil companies were the happiest.

March 19: Day 31
For the first time since the Corona impeachment trial started, lead Defense counsel Serafin Cuevas called in sick. Or as the prosecution panel would say, “total relief.”

The Rich
A GMANewsTV special report found that 98 percent of incumbent congressmen were millionaires. The remaining 2 percent are slowly catching up.

In his 2009 SALN, Quezon 3rd District Representative Danilo Suarez declared at least 11 cars. He’s got more cars than laws passed.

PMA Class 2012
On Sunday, President Aquino called on the graduates of the Philippine Military Academy to join the fight against corruption. Heeding the president’s call, this morning, the new graduates surrounded the Batasang Pambansa complex.

Wanted: Presidential Car
President Aquino revealed Malacañang is scouting for one or two new vehicles to replace the old presidential car. In fact, at this very moment, palace representatives are checking out the cars on display at Congressman Danilo Suarez’s show room.

The National Youth Commission reported that 2 out of 5 teenagers tried smoking in 2011. Another study showed 2 out of 5 teenagers identified the President as their role model.

Pacman & God
According to 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao, he had been told by God in a dream to retire soon. In the interest of fairness, we will try to get the side of God.

This just in: God confirms conversation with Pacquiao; denies rift with Pastor Apollo Quiboloy

In the Philippines, March is Fire Prevention Month – that time of the year when most fires are not prevented.

Did you hear about the fire that gutted Ever Gotesco Grand Central Mall in Kalookan City? That was one for the books. It lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.

Reports are now saying that the city fire marshal was drunk at the height of the Gotesco Grand Central Mall fire. Fire him!

Floyd Mayweather Jr. is reportedly standing by his racist comments about Asian-American NBA star Jeremy Lin. In totally unrelated news, Mayweather has been offered a hosting job on GMA 7’s ‘Unang Hirit.’

According to the World Factbook, Monaco tops the list of places where people live the longest followed by Macau. In third place? The Corona impeachment court.

The President’s Love Life
Quoting lead Defense counsel Serafin Cuevas, President Aquino brushed off a reporter’s question about his lovelife saying it was “immaterial, irrelevant and impertinent.” Initially, the President wanted to quote lead prosecutor Niel Tupas but realized he’d sound stupid if he’d answer, “I submit.”
“When you let money speak for you, it drowns out anything else you meant to say.”
~Mignon McLaughlin

Quotes of the Day
“Hindi kailangang pansinin. Papaano mo ipapakita sa ayaw tumingin? Paano mo iparirinig sa ayaw makinig? Kung masaya silang ginagawa nila ‘yon, nasa kanila ‘yon. ‘Pag sinasabing wala akong ginagawa, at pangit ang nangyayari, eh ‘di anong conclusion doon? Tinitingnan ba nila, nakikinig ba sila? Eh ‘di kung ganoon, ayaw nila, anong magagawa ko? Basta gagawin ko ang palagay ko ay tama at palagay ko may resulta na nangyayari.”
~President Aquino on the militants’ new form of protest called ‘Noynoying’

“I will not stay long in boxing because He said: ‘You have done enough. You have made yourself famous but this is harmful.”
~Cong. Manny Pacquiao

You Have Spoken
Ano ang masasabi n’yo sa mga naging pahayag ni Arnold Clavio hinggil sa ilang members ng Philippine Azkals?
Totoo naman ang sinabi n’ya eh. 45.56%
Racist! Sexist! Discriminatory! 21.89%
Opinyon niya ‘yon. Igalang natin ang pananaw n’ya. 32.54%

Happy birthday to one of the regular readers of this blog, Singapore-based Mr. Jimmy Lorenzo. Good health on your birthday sir!

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Author: professionalheckler

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13 thoughts on “OIL, FIRE AND GOD”

  1. p-noy and grace lee

    unpublished extract from her recent self-publicity blitz

    ‘so, miss lee, what first attracted you to the balding bespectacled chain-smoking President?’

    lee – ‘his brain is his biggest organ, and i like big organs!’

    ‘what did you think when you first saw him’

    lee – ‘ is that a gun in your pocket, or just a big – wallet!
    Louis Vuitton here i come’

    ‘was it hard to turn your back on your friends?’

    lee – ‘i didnt turn my back on them, i just stabbed them in the back’

    ‘did you enjoy meeting kris aquino?’

    lee – ‘she is much older than me, but she now knows who is p-noy’s boss’

    ‘do you want to emulate her as the queen of all media?’

    lee – ‘no, i want to be the queen of all things’

    ‘is yellow now your favorite color?’

    lee – ‘no, i like the color of money’

    ‘who are your role models?’

    lee – ‘ cleopatra, lady macbeth, josephine, and the kardashians’

    ‘do you take an active interest in politics?’

    lee – ‘no, just politicians’

    ‘you gave sex advice on your radio show – any advice for p-noy?’

    lee – ‘when a cigarette lasts longer than the sex itself, then it is time to give up one or the other’

    ‘any other advice for p-noy?’

    lee – ‘yes, i want a new limousine and private jet. hurry up and organise roxas, or you’re fired’

    ‘do you want to go back to korea?’

    lee – ‘no need – korea is coming here’

    ‘final words’

    lee – ‘you are obnoxious – you’re fired! – after you have paid me’


  2. the cojuangco-aquino owned pulse asia has decided corona is guilty!
    why do we need a trial or a supreme court.
    just let cojuangco-aquino clan own and control your life.
    shame on abs-cbn yet again for pushing the latest propaganda without even stating the conflict of interest. i thought at least karen davila – who is not the sharpest knife in the box – may have shown some integrity/journalism. must be contract renewal time.


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