HORSES

BREAKING:
Lead prosecutor Niel Tupas says the prosecution panel in the Corona impeachment trial has decided to terminate its presentation of evidence. But Tupas categorically denied rumors the decision was due to the panel’s low threshold for mockery.

The prosecution panel will no longer present evidence for Articles 1,4,5,6 and 8 – otherwise known as the ‘weakest allegations.’

Lead prosecutor Niel Tupas announced they would present evidence to three Articles of Impeachment only. That’s 3 out of 8 or 37.5 percent. In school, that’s an F.

After 25 days of trial, the prosecution panel has decided to terminate its presentation of evidence. And the defense panel was like, “Pucha naman, bakit biglaan? Ngangaragin n’yo kami eh.”

The prosecution will no longer present evidence. It’s Cuevas and company’s turn. Or as today’s youth would say, DoTA: Defense of the Ancients.

ACCORDING TO PRESIDENT AQUINO, his parents told him that horses were ‘created by God.” So when a teacher asked him to “make a horse” out of a three-piece puzzle during his kindergarten entrance test, he refused. He flunked the test. And was unanimously voted “Most Likely to Preserve Stubbornness ‘Til He’s 60.”

As a little boy, President Aquino believed his parents when they told him that only God can make a horse. So when he was instructed to create one using a three-piece puzzle during his kindergarten entrance test, he refused. To be fair to him, he was able to create a luxury car instead.

President Aquino flunked his kindergarten entrance test for refusing to create a horse using a three-piece puzzle. He insisted that “only God can make a horse.” Or as his fellow examinees would say, “palusot.”

In a related news, kindergarten is now mandatory in public schools starting June 2012. Parents are strongly advised to prepare their young children for school by telling them that not only God can make horses.

Fast forward to 2012, President Aquino was told that his dear friend, Pagcor Chair Bong Naguiat received bribes from a gambling tycoon. The president refused to believe it saying only the Arroyos and his political foes are capable of doing that.

Naguiat Cleared
A week after Malacañang cleared him of impropriety following reports he accepted perks from a gambling tycoon, embattled Pagcor chairman Cristino ‘Bong’ Naguiat was cleared by the House of Representatives. Another Wynn win for Naguiat!

Day 24
Prosecution spokesperson Miro Quimbo was quoted to have said, “Hindi namin sinubukang isipin o gawing humingi ng tulong sa Malacañang. (Sa) tingin namin hindi appropriate ‘yon.” Luckily for the prosecution, Malacañang believes in the spirit of volunteerism.

Congressman Miro Quimbo said, “Hindi namin sinubukang isipin o gawing humingi ng tulong sa Malacañang. (Sa) tingin namin hindi appropriate ‘yon.” Nope, Quimbo didn’t commit perjury. He’s not under oath.

INC Gathering
The influential religious sect Iglesia Ni Cristo will gather its flock Tuesday in what organizers described as a “Grand Evangelical Mission” or as political observers would say, “show of force.”

President Aquino will definitely ‘watch what happens’ tonight.

Castelo’s Jeep
Mr. Anti-Planking Solon strikes again. Quezon City Rep. Winnie Castelo recently filed House Bill 5850, which requires jeepney manufacturers to provide a standard seating space capacity of 357 millimeters or 14 inches per passenger. Castelo says the bill seeks to avoid passenger discomfort… the same feeling you get when you read his proposed measures.

In Entertainment
Martin Scorese’s ‘HUGO’ won five Oscars matching the haul of Best Picture winner ‘The Artist.’ It’s safe to say that ‘HUGO’ is a VICTOR.

Sen. Lito Lapid’s bet ‘The Artist’ won Best Picture. The senator likes silent films.

Michel Hazanavicius wins Best Director for ‘The Artist.’ He outScoredsese.

Christopher Plummer becomes the oldest actor to win an Oscar at age 82. There’s still hope for a PMPC trophy Kuya Germs!

Best Supporting Actor winner Christopher Plummer is 82. Or as Senator Loren Legarda would probably say, “Just perfect.”

‘The Descendants’ wins for Adapted Screenplay. At home, Pax and Maddox Jolie-Pitt were like, “That category sounds like us.”

Woody Allen wins for Best Original Screenplay for ‘Midnight in Paris.’ Coming in close second in the voting was Congressman Rey Umali.

Jean Dujardin wins Best Actor for ‘The Artist’ – to the utter disappointment of E.R. Ejercito who blamed Kris Aquino for openly campaigning for the French actor.

African-American Octavia Spencer won Best Supporting Actress for ‘The Help.’ Had her co-actress Viola Davis won Best Actress for the same movie, it would have been a Black-to-Black victory.

Meryl Streep won Best Actress for ‘The Iron Lady.’ Meryl lynches competition earning her third Oscar trophy.

This just in: Best Actress nominee Glenn Close has denied reports she will seek damages from the Academy after her loss.

One of my favorite segments in the Oscars telecast is “In Memoriam” where they remember the departed. Yesterday, the Academy paid tribute to the likes of Whitney Houston, Elizabeth Taylor, Steve Jobs, and Charlie Sheen’s career.

‘Manila Kingpin: The Asiong Salonga Story’ won 8 trophies. ‘The Artist’won 5.  Wala lang.

WVG Retires
GMA 7’s senior vice president for entertainment Wilma V. Galvante has retired. There’s no truth to rumors that Galvante will be replaced by Annabelle Rama.
————————————————————————–
“The winner’s edge is not in a gifted birth, a high IQ, or in talent. The winner’s edge is all in the attitude, not aptitude. Attitude is the criterion for success.”
~ Dennis Waitley

Quotes of the Day
“Ang dami ninyong komentaryo sa senator-judges, kung mag-komentaryo kaya kami sa trial at sa inyong competence? In fact, about your mental sanity aber, gusto ninyo? I have evidence against a certain congressman when he testified here. ‘Wag ninyo akong pilitin, I can prove that he is lying under oath, be careful.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago scolding anew the prosecution panel

“You’re only two years older than me darling, where have you been all my life?”
~ 82-year-old actor Christopher Plummer to the Oscar statuette after winning Best Supporting Actor for the film ‘Beginners’ – his first Oscar win

Personal
Congratulations to the Western selection for winning the 2012 NBA All Stars. The Lakers’ Kobe Bryant also made history when he surpassed Michael Jordan’s All Stars scoring record. Woohoo!

Stay safe. Have a wonderful day!

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Author: professionalheckler

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18 thoughts on “HORSES”

  1. a winner by 5 lengths
    —–

    stuffed and mounted!

    “a whore, a whore, my kingdom for a whore”

    ” what ? – oh!, the president wants me to be a horse!”

    “A woman needs two animals – the horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it.”

    “hold your horses, cowboy , my double barrels aren’t loaded yet. pay first, horseplay later”

    “hi ho silver”

    “ok stud. time for a ride. – now i see why you have horse envy!”

    “neeiggh”

    “ok. thats you stabled. a short canter!!”

    “the law is an ass. corona should be horse-whipped”

    ” now get off your high horse, and drink your milk”

    the mountie always gets her political man!

    endorsed by ivor bigun of ben dover toys

    Like

  2. war horse – no oscar
    old war horses of senate – special mention. bravo
    donkey of malacanan – a razzie. retire to pasture and dream of young mares before the knackers yard comes a calling. horse-meat.
    senators – horse-trading
    umali/banal – horse-sh#t
    naguiat – a horses ass

    just horsing around

    Like

  3. the prosecution fell for it – unsurprisingly!
    so desperate are they to finish the trial by march 23 the defense cleverly said they would need 4 – 5 weeks to present! hey presto. prosecution ends. cuevas was going to cross examine every witness for as long as he could. surrender!
    amateurs. hope those passing the bar do not use congressmen-prosecutors or senator-judges as role models! the trial has not enhanced the image of the standard of law/lawyers in the country.(obvious exception of octogenarians)
    if thats all they have got, then maybe the farmers will get hacienda luisita after all.

    Like

    1. she’s been nominated 17th time and it’s her 3rd Oscar trophy and several Golden Globe Awards:

      kramer vs. kramer – in the early 80s – one classic movie with Dustin Hoffman…

      Sophie’s choice – a tear jerker! you can’t choose which child to save from the Nazis… still in the 80s …

      the Iron Lady – the Margaret Thatcher sort of biography …

      hope i got it right! ;D

      Like

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