Philippine Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2052

World’s oldest man is a Filipino;
Juan Ponce Enrile celebrates 128th birthday

Ex-president Benigno Simeon Aquino III denies romance
with 23-year lady broadcaster; appeals for privacy

Battling Alzheimer’s:
Nine-term president Jejomar Binay finally steps down;
Appoints son Jejomar Erwin as replacement

Hacienda Luisita farmers seek reversal of SC ruling favoring Cojuangcos;
big protest rally slated on Labor Day

Citing poor health:
Pampanga mayors seek presidential pardon for GMA;
centenarian grandma marks 36 years in prison today

From Edsa to Smart-Epifanio De Los Santos Avenue:
House approves proposed bill on second reading

Retired 2-time PBA MVP Bimby Aquino Yap: “I am gay!”
Kris, James stunned; Boy Abunda expresses support for inaanak

JBC recommends five names for Chief Justice post;
Renato Corona III and Antonio Carpio IV neck-and-neck in voting

Boxing Hall of Famer Manny Pacquiao denies affair with sexy starlet;
Wife Jinkee leaves conjugal palace, mulls divorce

After 40 years:
Court convicts with finality 10 members of SBC’s Lambda Rho Beta frat;
family of hazing victim Marvin Reglos hails decision

Guinness cites CPP-NPA for world’s longest running insurgency;
wheelchair-bound Joma Sison accepts certificate in The Hague

US recognizes independence of Mindanao;
Washington sends official envoy to Lanao

Rodrigo Duterte IV executes last remaining suspected drug pusher in Davao;
human rights advocates condemn killing

Imelda Romualdez Marcos is (finally) dead at 123;
Marcos loyalists demand hero’s burial for former First Lady

PH wins first Olympic gold in synchronized texting;
men’s group takes silver in Temple Run

Hans Sy Jr. inaugurates SM Mall of Europe in Brussels

Largest in PCSO history:
Jackpot prize in SuperUltraMegaGrandForever Lotto 6/75 draw hits 5 billion pesos

Number of South Koreans in PH exceeds Seoul population;
Bureau of Immigration alarmed, issues stricter guidelines on aliens

Kris Aquino’s endorsement seen to double sales of local adult diaper brand

Bekinese is 3rd most widely spoken language in the Philippines: SWS

ABS-CBN launches new show vs. 73-year-old ‘Eat Bulaga’
Pilot episode of ‘It’s Happy Yipee Showtime Yehey Pilipinas Win na Win’ airs Saturday

Vicki Belo, 94 finally reveals secret to staying young – formalin;
confirms break up with 27 year old gym instructor

Gas prices are going up. Prices of commodities are going up. Toll rates have gone up. And now, the unemployment rate is up from 20.2 to 24 percent. You’ve just got to stand in awe of this government’s level of consistency.

From 20.2 percent, the country’s jobless rate grew to 24 percent. Malacañang is having a hard time figuring out how to blame that on GMA or Renato Corona.

Gas prices continue to go up. The number of jobless Filipinos is also growing. Sought for reaction, President Aquino was like, “Technically, may pagbabago. At least.”

NBI Deputy Director Reynaldo Esmeralda is being accused of staging a fake ambush on himself. Apparently, he dreams of becoming Senate President someday.

Amid accusations that he accepted bribes from a gambling tycoon, Pagcor chairman Cristino ‘Bong’ Naguiat Jr., President Aquino’s close friend – got the full support and backing of Malacañang. And Ronald Llamas was like, “Welcome to the club Bong!”
“I do not believe we can repair the basic fabric of society until people who are willing to work have work. Work organizes life. It gives structure and discipline to life.”
~Bill Clinton

Quote of the Day
“Look at both sides before making a judgment. Double standard eh. ‘Pag kaibigan, acquitted. ‘Pag kaaway, guilty.”
~Prof. Winnie Monsod reacting to reports that Malacañang quickly defended embattled Pagcor Chair Bong Naguiat on bribery allegations

“ABS-CBN News and ANC cannot be accused of anti-Corona bias. They live stream & cover live the uninterrupted stupidity of prosecution.”
~Former Congressman Teddyboy Locsin via Twitter

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Author: professionalheckler

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30 thoughts on “PHILIPPINES 2052”

  1. the trouble with pnoy is, if his friends ran into trouble he is quick to absolve them, if the sinner is on the other side he will raise hell just to punish them. his being ‘one-sided’ to these cases will diminish his credibility. and once he lost it, gma or binay will be rejoicing.


  2. 2052

    edsa annual marketing campaign cancelled – apathy and cynicism!

    kim jong-un and his first lady grace lee visit little korea ( formerly manila)

    president (fill in blank) promises to work tirelessly for the people, give them hope, deliver change, and attack corruption.(Zzzzz)

    cojuangco airlines – a record year as record numbers leave the country!

    pacman finds God, again – whilst in casino

    kris aquino’s 6th marriage annulled citing old age – he was 35 ( far too old)


  3. 2052

    ex president aquino celebrates edsa in psychiatric hospital following his conviction of corruption, bribery, abuse of power, betrayal of public trust, favouring cojuangco family clan in all decisions, sexual harrassment of female reporters, and trying to establish a dictatorship.
    he shares his cell with a ‘small lady’ and lots of voices.


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