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PHILIPPINES 2052

24 02 2012

Philippine Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2052

World’s oldest man is a Filipino;
Juan Ponce Enrile celebrates 128th birthday

Ex-president Benigno Simeon Aquino III denies romance
with 23-year lady broadcaster; appeals for privacy

Battling Alzheimer’s:
Nine-term president Jejomar Binay finally steps down;
Appoints son Jejomar Erwin as replacement

Hacienda Luisita farmers seek reversal of SC ruling favoring Cojuangcos;
big protest rally slated on Labor Day

Citing poor health:
Pampanga mayors seek presidential pardon for GMA;
centenarian grandma marks 36 years in prison today

From Edsa to Smart-Epifanio De Los Santos Avenue:
House approves proposed bill on second reading

Retired 2-time PBA MVP Bimby Aquino Yap: “I am gay!”
Kris, James stunned; Boy Abunda expresses support for inaanak

JBC recommends five names for Chief Justice post;
Renato Corona III and Antonio Carpio IV neck-and-neck in voting

Boxing Hall of Famer Manny Pacquiao denies affair with sexy starlet;
Wife Jinkee leaves conjugal palace, mulls divorce

After 40 years:
Court convicts with finality 10 members of SBC’s Lambda Rho Beta frat;
family of hazing victim Marvin Reglos hails decision

Guinness cites CPP-NPA for world’s longest running insurgency;
wheelchair-bound Joma Sison accepts certificate in The Hague

US recognizes independence of Mindanao;
Washington sends official envoy to Lanao

Rodrigo Duterte IV executes last remaining suspected drug pusher in Davao;
human rights advocates condemn killing

Imelda Romualdez Marcos is (finally) dead at 123;
Marcos loyalists demand hero’s burial for former First Lady

PH wins first Olympic gold in synchronized texting;
men’s group takes silver in Temple Run

Hans Sy Jr. inaugurates SM Mall of Europe in Brussels

Largest in PCSO history:
Jackpot prize in SuperUltraMegaGrandForever Lotto 6/75 draw hits 5 billion pesos

Number of South Koreans in PH exceeds Seoul population;
Bureau of Immigration alarmed, issues stricter guidelines on aliens

Kris Aquino’s endorsement seen to double sales of local adult diaper brand

Confeeeermed:
Bekinese is 3rd most widely spoken language in the Philippines: SWS

ABS-CBN launches new show vs. 73-year-old ‘Eat Bulaga’
Pilot episode of ‘It’s Happy Yipee Showtime Yehey Pilipinas Win na Win’ airs Saturday

Vicki Belo, 94 finally reveals secret to staying young – formalin;
confirms break up with 27 year old gym instructor

IN THE NEWS NOW
Gas prices are going up. Prices of commodities are going up. Toll rates have gone up. And now, the unemployment rate is up from 20.2 to 24 percent. You’ve just got to stand in awe of this government’s level of consistency.

From 20.2 percent, the country’s jobless rate grew to 24 percent. Malacañang is having a hard time figuring out how to blame that on GMA or Renato Corona.

Gas prices continue to go up. The number of jobless Filipinos is also growing. Sought for reaction, President Aquino was like, “Technically, may pagbabago. At least.”

NBI Deputy Director Reynaldo Esmeralda is being accused of staging a fake ambush on himself. Apparently, he dreams of becoming Senate President someday.


Amid accusations that he accepted bribes from a gambling tycoon, Pagcor chairman Cristino ‘Bong’ Naguiat Jr., President Aquino’s close friend – got the full support and backing of Malacañang. And Ronald Llamas was like, “Welcome to the club Bong!”
—————————————————————————————–
“I do not believe we can repair the basic fabric of society until people who are willing to work have work. Work organizes life. It gives structure and discipline to life.”
~Bill Clinton

Quote of the Day
“Look at both sides before making a judgment. Double standard eh. ‘Pag kaibigan, acquitted. ‘Pag kaaway, guilty.”
~Prof. Winnie Monsod reacting to reports that Malacañang quickly defended embattled Pagcor Chair Bong Naguiat on bribery allegations

“ABS-CBN News and ANC cannot be accused of anti-Corona bias. They live stream & cover live the uninterrupted stupidity of prosecution.”
~Former Congressman Teddyboy Locsin via Twitter

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30 responses

24 02 2012
a solemn punch

Base muna!

Like

25 02 2012
senior60

sorry for being makulit a solemn punch, natanong ko na kasi before kaya lang hindi mo siguro nakita kaya tanong ko ulit

ano ba ibig sabisin ng ‘base’ in connection with mister heckler’s mga entries, ty in advance

Like

24 02 2012
a solemn punch

Ang dami kong tawa dito. Grabe!

Like

24 02 2012
jaype

i want to know what happened to sen.miriam 40 years from now

Like

24 02 2012
Lola Nila

si Mareng Winnie ndi pa sanay sa bekiness…siyempre iba tlaga ang Tuwid na Daan ng mga Beki….Pakendeng-kending….kaya pag friend ka ni Pnoy…acquitted!

Like

24 02 2012
senior60

mister heckler, by then, 63 years old na si grace

Like

24 02 2012
rojan88

hahaha ang kulit nung From Edsa to Smart-Epifanio De Los Santos Avenue:
House approves proposed bill on second reading . dpat nilagay mo na rin Philippines is now in monarchy being led by the revered King Manny Pangilinan hahaha

————————————————————————————————-
http://rojan88.wordpress.com

Like

24 02 2012
senior60

mister heckler, kung may synchronized texting sa olympics,

ngayon pa lang panalo na tayo

Like

24 02 2012
onat725

the trouble with pnoy is, if his friends ran into trouble he is quick to absolve them, if the sinner is on the other side he will raise hell just to punish them. his being ‘one-sided’ to these cases will diminish his credibility. and once he lost it, gma or binay will be rejoicing.

Like

24 02 2012
libertas

“plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose “— “the more things change, the more they stay the same,”
alphonse karr

Like

24 02 2012
kalokah

effing funny. lol

btw, by then henry sy jr will be wheel chair bound. and temple run will be in 3D on ipad50

Like

24 02 2012
libertas

2052

edsa annual marketing campaign cancelled – apathy and cynicism!

kim jong-un and his first lady grace lee visit little korea ( formerly manila)

president (fill in blank) promises to work tirelessly for the people, give them hope, deliver change, and attack corruption.(Zzzzz)

cojuangco airlines – a record year as record numbers leave the country!

pacman finds God, again – whilst in casino

kris aquino’s 6th marriage annulled citing old age – he was 35 ( far too old)

Like

24 02 2012
Professional Heckler’s most recent post « Derdo's Weblog

[…] up and read here. […]

Like

24 02 2012
libertas

2052

ex president aquino celebrates edsa in psychiatric hospital following his conviction of corruption, bribery, abuse of power, betrayal of public trust, favouring cojuangco family clan in all decisions, sexual harrassment of female reporters, and trying to establish a dictatorship.
he shares his cell with a ‘small lady’ and lots of voices.

Like

26 02 2012
prakakak

Hahaha…ang lupit mo libertas!! Ikaw na!!!

Like

24 02 2012
libertas

a bong, a bung and another pong – followed by another whitewash!

maybe bong naguiat gave the chanel bag to bong quintana!

P-noy’s
Allies
Greedy
Crooks
Outright
Rogues

Like

24 02 2012
jasper

2052

UP Fighting Maroons bag UAAP Seanon 168 men’s basketball crown.
(Their third since co-founding the league)

Like

25 02 2012
senior60

seriously, bakit nga ba dumadami na mga batang bading, para kasing, noong unang panahon naglaladlad lang sila kapag of age na ba…

Like

25 02 2012
senior60

grabe naman ang hacienda luisita na iyan, siguro si bimby na

ang mamumuno

Like

25 02 2012
deuts (@deuts)

Hahaha. aabangan ko talaga ang mga headlines na yan kung totoo 40 years from now. Kung buhay pa ko! hehe

Like

27 02 2012
etchosera

Pramis?

Like

25 02 2012
Gil R. Tuparan

One of your best columns ever. Panalo yung predictions! Aliw-iw and on-target (Smart-EDSA, Bimby beki, Binay appoints, Kris adult diaper, mwahahaha. Sana may Part II. Mabuhay ka, PH!

Like

26 02 2012
Anonymous

oh no, magiging bading si bimby???? eh sino na lang ang mamahala sa hacienda luisita pag nagkataon????

Like

12 09 2012
Kristoff

Pag bading hindi na pwede mamahala?

Like

26 02 2012
khantokhanto

i like the quote from monsod! winner!

Like

26 02 2012
libertas

“Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” – Plato

as true at the birth of democracy as now, and no doubt 40 years hence. people/society are slow learners

Like

27 02 2012
Anonymous

Now appearing for the defense…the prosecution!!!

Like

12 09 2012
Anonymous

Had a great laugh!!! Galing!!!!

Like

15 09 2012
MMM

2052:
“Guinness: Sereno longest-serving Chief Justice”

Like

15 09 2012
m

Teka sandali …

Binay can’t have 9 consecutive terms, that would amount to 54 years. 🙂

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