FLIPTOP BATTLE: IMPEACHMENT TRIAL EDITION

IN OBSERVANCE of Valentine’s Day and in deference to Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile who marked his 88th birthday, Day 17 of the Corona Impeachment Trial was adjourned early. The live telecast of the trial was stopped. Unknown to the public though, some of the impeachment players opted to kill time in the session hall while waiting for their respective Valentine’s Day dinner. Some talked about the case. Others debated. The heated exchange led to a fliptop war between the two camps which got too personal. What transpired after the trial was caught on CCTV!

Match No. 1: Retired Justice Serafin Cuevas vs. Cong. Niel Tupas

Justice Cuevas:
Hindi ka naman shirt,’di ka naman pantalon
pero bakit tuwing trial, lagi kang nasasabon?
lahat ay kabado ‘pag tumatayo na si Tupas
‘di ka ba naiinsulto, mas impressed sila kay Fariñas!
Boom!

Cong. Niel Tupas
Mawalang-galang na ‘tanda, ‘di mo ba napansin
tanong ng senadora’y, nasasagot ko rin
good friends kami ni Rudy, ‘wag ka ngang makiangkas
masyado kang intrigero, pwede ka sa ‘The Buzz!’
Suuu-su-nod!

Justice Cuevas:
Ha-ha-ha
Bistado na brod ang inyong pagiging showbiz
ultimo “small lady” ginagawan n’yo ng tsismis
wasak na wasak ang istorya ni Rey Umali
‘di pwedeng isapelikula, iri-reject ni Mother Lily!
Boom!

Cong. Niel Tupas:
Sus!
Hindi naman isyu ang babaeng maliit
ang dapat n’yong sagutin: ‘Did CJ Corona cheat?’
wasak na istorya?!? eh ‘yong kwento n’yo ‘bout bribery
kahit yata gawing indie, ‘di papatulan ni Brillante!

Match No. 2: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago vs. Cong. Niel Tupas

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago:
May duda akong ika’y lechon, mukha kang chicharon,
everytime I see you kasi, tumataas ang aking presyon
sumasabak kayo sa guerra, wala naman palang bala
pati fishing expedition sa Senado iniaasa!

Cong. Niel Tupas:
Laging ako, ako na lang, ang iyong nakikita
senator-judge ho ba kayo o kasapi ng depensa?
wala namang personalan, wala tayo sa Iloilo
masyado na ho kayong obvious, naloloka ako sa ‘yo!

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago:
‘Wag ka ngang istupido! Hindi ako namemersonal
galit lang ako sa tanga, hindi ka pa ba sanay?
Maiba ako…
‘musta naman ang mansion mo do’n sa Xavierville?
sa’n nga pala galing ‘yon? Katas ng pork barrel?
Joooke!

Cong. Niel Tupas:
Not funny!
Below the belt na po kayo Madam Senadora
tutukan na lang natin ang kaso ni Corona
and please, tigilan na ang pick-up lines n’yong corny
setenta’y sais na po kayo, ‘di na bagay maging horny!
Boom!

Match No. 3: Atty. Miro Quimbo vs. Atty. Tranquil Salvador

Atty. Miro Quimbo:
Kung walang ‘tinatago, ba’t panay ang objection?
niloloko n’yo ang tao, ginagalit buong nation
ang latest: may suhol daw si PNoy sa Senado?
naubusan na kayo ng bala, halatang desperado!
Boom!

Atty. Tranquil Salvador:
Ehem ehem ehem at sinong desperado?
Day 1 pa lang ng trial: evidence n’yo ay zero!
Ansabe ng prosekusyon? Sure sa conviction?
Bakit? Lahat ba ng senador ang last name ay ‘Drilon?’
Boom!

Atty. Miro Quimbo:
Ahh, shut the eff up. Ubod ka nang daldal bro!
pagsalitain mo naman si Karen Jimeno
manang-mana ka kasi sa papansin mong kliyente
may paiyak-iyak pa sa may balkonahe!

Atty. Tranquil Salvador:
Oo na! Ikaw na ang pogi at matinik
No wonder, love ka raw ng Globe Asiatique
Ooops! Sorry, did you find that offensive?
Btw, hello raw from the members of Pag-IBIG!
Boom!

Final Match: Prosecutor/Congressman Rey Umali vs. “Small Lady”

Cong. Rey Umali:
Sino bang lumapit? Bakit ako nasabit?
sa ‘kin hinahanap ang suspek na midget
‘di naman nagpakilala, kay bilis ng pangyayari
hindi ko siya masisi kung wala sa CCTV!

“Small Lady:”
Ulol!
Ako na nga ang ginamit, ako pa ngayon ang sinungaling?
bilib na ako sa ‘yong… “Maang-maangan School of Acting”
ang husay mo naman palang humabi ng istorya
bakit ‘di ka mag-submit ng entry sa Palanca?
Boom!

Cong. Rey Umali:
Tumahimik ka!
Ako ang may likha sa ‘yo
matuto kang gumalang
walang dapat makaalam,
na ika’y gawa-gawa lamang!

“Small Lady:”
Gawa-gawa na nga lang, minamaliit mo pa!
duda tuloy nila ako raw si Gloria
sana man lang, “pretty woman” o kaya “girl in magenta.”
palibhasa, sanay ka nang matawag na buwaya.

Cong. Rey Umali:
Ayoko na ng diskusyon
isa ka lang ilusyon!

“Small Lady:”
Ah gano’n?!
Pwes, maglabasan na tayo ng baho ngayon…
Mr. Presiding Officer… I have a manifestation.

Boom!
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.”
~John Buchan

Quote of the Day
“You are gathering evidence by requesting a subpoena from this honorable court. And I warn you that this is going to be fatal error on your part.”
~Presiding Officer Juan Ponce Enrile to the prosecution panel
Day 16, Corona Impeachment Trial

Enjoy the rest of the week.
A shout out to everyone at the UP Fair (Diliman & Manila) and the UPLB Feb Fair! Have fun!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

30 thoughts on “FLIPTOP BATTLE: IMPEACHMENT TRIAL EDITION”

  1. Good thing we have Santiago, Cuevas and Enrile in this impeachment court. Lest, magmumukhang kahiya-hiya na talaga ang mga Pinoy sa global world!!!!

    Pinapanood ng buong mundo, at papanuurin pa ng buong mundo sa susunod na henerasyon ang trial na ‘to.
    Kaya mga porksecutors, h’wag kayong gago, sobra sobra na ang hiyang binibigay nyo sa natitirang matitino sa sambayanang Pilipino!!!!

    Like

    1. Rey ikaw yan? Ano, nag-pray ka na ba bago mag-PH? 😀 ikaw ano ang naitulong mo sa lindol sa nag-negros? Inuna mo pa kasi ang Grace Lee kuno na iyan eh alam ng buong world na iba ang hanap mo at ndi pechay.

      Ang team mo nagmumukhang tanga,,, 😀 puro kc kayo PSP kaya noong nasa congress at senado ka pa wala kang nagawang batas puro ka pa-pacute, eh ndi ka naman cute 😀

      Ikaw bakit lumubo din ang SALN mo from 19Million to 50Million?

      Like

      1. Yup, it is the be all and end all of this impeachment trial. Following then Justice Corona’s computation for ill-gotten on the case of the Marcoses: (SALN – Properties and Wealth = Ill-Gotten Wealth). All government employees are expected to fill-up their SALN in the best detail as possible, in pain of the BIR hounding up on you or the Ombudsman. In the case of CJ Corona, more so must it be religiously and faithfully (him being a lawyer of all people) declared by people who hold positions of the HIGHEST public trust, eg impeachable officers because there is an underlying assumption of their moral fitness to hold these offices.

        Like

    2. kakainis ka kasing mag-comment. gusto mo ang akusado pa ang maglalabas ng evidence para idiin ang sarili niya. 40 years na yang batas na yan, wala sa magagaling na mambabatas ang umimik para alisin o amyendahan ang batas, ngayon ngangal kayo ng 2x. sayang surname mo ‘toy, talunan kang mag-isip.

      Like

  2. drilon – always using ” we..” all pretence of impartiality now gone, and wanting to be presiding officer as well!

    estrada – a lot of talk, but in the end wrote a dud check. maybe.

    umali – ” the law is an ass – an idiot” (charles dickens) – ‘because of people like you’

    cuevas – still classy and clever

    lapid – back in hibernation

    tupas – a cocktail of incompetence, inexperience, and a large dash of irritation

    Like

    1. of all the queer birds, i like cuevas the most…

      hahaha nasupalpal siya ni santiago kahapon,
      kung wala pa sana si santiago, lusot si cuevas,
      though alam nya na may mga exceptions to the
      rules, try lang nya, baka makalusot, sa bisaya pa,
      pilay palad or how many palms in english hehe

      Like

  3. banalgate
    a tall story of a small lady, a big conspiracy, little decency, and no integrity.

    what next –
    neil tupas is slipped a package by a transgender whilst bending over to tie his shoelaces

    presidential bed warmer grace lee calls the youth to the streets in her programme ‘ good times, gay times’

    Like

  4. the impeachment trial

    It ain’t about opportunity
    It ain’t about integrity

    It ain’t about the law
    It ain’t about the poor

    It ain’t about democracy
    It ain’t about decency

    So what’s it all for
    Not you, thats for sure

    It’s about autocracy
    It’s about hypocricy

    It’s about a political game
    It’s about power & fame

    It’s about greedy oligarchs
    It’s about corrupt sharks

    It’s about the money
    and the hacienda, honey

    Like

  5. husay ph, kaw na!
    kaw lang
    ang makakagawa ng ganito kahusay na masterpiece talaga.
    nabasa mo ba yung pagmumuryot ni budoy sa dbp? budoy talaga
    up fair is still the fairest. sayang inuulan
    yoko na magcomment nagbabasa na pla si budoy-penoy nito eh, ginamit pang kamaganak ang lider ng inc.

    Like

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