Pangalan: Rey V. Umali
Posisyon: Kinatawan, 2nd District, Oriental Mindoro

Ang Kwento:
Nilapitan daw siya ng “small lady” sa Senate premises at inabutan ng isang envelope na naglalaman ng diumano’y bank documents ni Chief Justice Corona

Ang Sabi ng CCTV:
Walang gan’yang pangyayari. Etchosera ka.

Ang Aksyon:
Siya ay inoobligang magpaliwanag sa loob 24 oras.

Ang Kinaroroonan:
Ewan. Baka nagri-rehearse ng isasagot.

Ang Hamon at Pabuya:
Sinumang makapagbibigay ng impormasyon sa kinaroroonan ng kongresistang ito ay pasasalamatan ng Impeachment Court at bibigyan ng pagkakataong mag-kiss sa Presiding Officer na magdiriwang ng kanyang 88th birthday on Feb. 14, Araw ng mga Puso. Good luck!

SUNNY SATURDAY, rainy Sunday, half-sunny, half-rainy Monday. For the last three or four days, the weather has been unpredictable and weird. Just like Chief Justice Corona’s defense team.

Quoting reliable sources, lawyers of embattled Chief Justice Renato Corona revealed Malacañang was offering 100 million pesos each to senator-judges who will defy the Supreme Court’s order stopping the opening of Corona’s dollar accounts. That’s insane. Anong palagay n’yo sa mga senador, kongresista?!

The defense team of Chief Justice Renato Corona refuses to identify its source. But The Daily Tribune editor-in-chief Niñez Cacho-Olivares believes the source is “a impeachable.”

The defense panel has refused to identify its source. Doing a Rey Umali.

In a hastily called press conference, defense lawyers said, “The President is bent on convicting the Chief Justice at all costs.” Again, tell us something we don’t know.

Grace Lee In Love?
Veteran journalist Ellen Tordesillas wrote that television and radio personality Grace Lee, on her radio show, stated that her relationship with President Aquino was destined for the altar. Close friends of the Korean were not surprised at all. In high school, Grace Lee was allegedly voted “Most Likely to Marry a Geriatric Case.”

Some people are happy to see President Aquino and Grace Lee together. On the one hand, you have a seemingly desperate person who wants to finally get hitched, and on the other hand, you have President Aquino.

This just in:
Grace Lee is accusing Ellen Tordesillas of writing “an article of lies to sensationalize one’s private life.” The future first lady says “I’ve have never said anything remotely close to what her write up says I did. I believe the public deserves an apology from her.” To which, the public said, “Actually, we don’t. And please, huwag mo na kaming idamay.”

According to a study, there are 13 million single females and 16 million single males in the Philippines today. They are further categorized into two: ‘by choice,’ and ‘no choice.’

RIP Whitney Houston
Pop legend Whitney Houston has died. Apparently, when the Grim Reaper arrived, the bodyguard wasn’t there.

Investigators confirmed Whitney Houston was found in the bathtub of her room at Beverly Hilton Hotel. In her final moments, she was probably singing in the shower.

ABS-CBN and GMA 7 will pay tribute to Whitney Houston… by not letting Anne Curtis and Maxene Magalona sing any of her songs.

On Day 16 of the Corona Impeachment Trial, the impeachment court paid tribute to Whitney Houston. Impeachment players performed songs popularized by the Grammy winning artist.
Sen. Frank Drilon with prosecutors as backup singers: “Count On Me”

Sen. Joker Arroyo with defense lawyers as backup: “Saving All My Love For You”

Guest performer ex-senator Kit Tatad and CJ Corona: “I Know Him So Well”

Cong. Niel Tupas: “How Will I Know”

Sen. Ed Angara and Sen. Loren Legarda: “I Believe in You and Me”

Sen. Chiz Escudero: “Where Do Broken Hearts Go?”

Retired Justice Serafin Cuevas: “Exhale (Shoop, Shoop)”

Sen. Bong Revilla: “So Emotional”

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile: “One Moment in Time”

Sen. Manny Villar and Sen. Bongbong Marcos: “Didn’t We Almost Have It All”

Sen. Lito Lapid: “I Have Nothing”

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago: “Queen of the Night”

Cong. Rudy Fariñas: “When You Believe”

Sen. Kiko Pangilinan and Sen. Segio Osmeña III with prosecutors as back up: “Run to You”

PSBank Robbery
A group of men breaks into a PSBank branch in Lipa City, Batangas. The group leader was identified as Niel Tupas.

Sen. Ping Lacson: “I’m Every Woman”

Vicki-Hayden Break Up
It’s over between Vicki Belo and one-time porn-videographer Hayden Kho Jr.  The controversial cosmetic expert is single again! You’ve been warned Zaijian Jaranilla!
“Every man has the price, I will bribe left and right.”
~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

Quote of the Day
“My birthday message to PNoy: I hope that the spirits of his parents, who did well for our country, will continue to guide him and that he will always be conscious of their high expectations—perhaps too high expectations—because it’s so difficult to be a president. Frankly, if the presidency is offered to me now on a silver platter at my age, after all my experience, I will politely decline it. I will be flattered, but I will decline it. It’s extremely difficult to be a president. Let us all wish him a happy birthday, in a sense that he might gain peace of mind and serenity.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago via Twitter @senmiriam

Have a great week! Stay in love!

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Author: professionalheckler

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31 thoughts on “DEFENSE”

  1. If I personally knew president Aquino, Ms. Santiago’s well wish for him would be similar to mine. I know it’s been too funny a many times when we take shots at Pnoy but it’s not easy to be president of a country with too many diseases, chronic and acute. It’s a good thing that the country has developed amazing immunity over the generations and it continues to regenerate as well. Here’s to the genius of the Filipino people! (Yes, I’m always proud and hopeful.) Mr. Landicho, thank you for updating us with the going ons in the Philippines and in your special interesting manner.


  2. reasons younger girls go out with old men – or – DOM’s, dadfriend’s

    he has a nice car – no more jeepney’s

    he will wait at least 1 month before he expects it

    he will sleep a lot – leaving time to see young lover

    he gets a pension – in the near future

    you can celebrate 2 fathers days each year

    he will give you flowers, chocolates – and cash!

    you can swop his viagra with sleeping pill. you can tell him he was great. he wont remember anyway

    if he smokes then get on the will – quick

    dont see him as an old man, just a walking ATM machine

    he will introduce you to other money-machines

    your friends will laugh at you – but only behind your back


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