EXCLUSIVE! A LETTER FROM LLAMAS

A WEEK AFTER HE was photographed buying pirated DVDs, presidential adviser on political affairs Ronald Llamas has reportedly sent an explanation letter to President Aquino. Here is the copy of that letter. Exclusive!


His Excellency Benigno Simeon C. Aquino III
President
Malacañan Palace
1610 JP Laurel St.
San Miguel, Manila

Pare Ko,

I guess you have been informed About Last Night. You know, Rumor Has It I purchased 2,000 pesos worth of pirated videos. Liar! Liar! Those reports were exaggerated. I only bought no more than 300. Ganito ang nangyari.

Monday, Se7en o’clock. It was Rush Hour. Grabe talaga ang Traffic. I was on The Road. Ayaw ko namang masayang ang oras sa kalye so I asked a Taxi Driver where I could kill time. Itinuro niya ang Circle C Mall sa Congressional Avenue in Quezon City. It was Closer than SM North Edsa kasi.

Pagdating sa Dulo, sinalubong ako ng mga vendors. Puro Segunda Mano pala ang tinda do’n. I really Wanted to buy some for the Little Children but something else caught my attention – DVDs! Sabi ko, Himala, hindi yata niri-raid ng Optical Media Board ang mall na ‘to.

Hindi mo naitatanong, movie buff ako. It was this Crazy, Stupid, Love for films that put me in Big Trouble! An editor/reporter from Bandera-Inquirer Saw me pala. Worse, nakunan niya ako habang bumibili! That was Proof! Can you Imagine That!? The next day, my photo was splashed all over The Paper. After the AK-47 controversy, ito naman!?? Ang Jologs ko! God… Why Me?

But then again, I realized, A Series of Unfortunate Events will not break me. Suportado ako ng Akbayan! Besides, Malacañang cannot say no to The Help that I offer.

Kay Dona Policar, ang editor ng Bandera, hmmpf, Look Who’s Talking?! Siguro, namimirata ka rin kaya andun ka sa mall na ’yon. Huwag na huwag lang magku-krus ang landas natin. I swear There Will Be Blood!

Kay Ronnie Rickets, Step Up your operation against piracy! Pati ako natutuksong bumili.

Sa aking mga kritiko, mauunawaan din n’yo ako Pagdating ng Panahon.

And to you my dear President, you’ve Got 2 Believe, I didn’t mean to Shame you. In fact, Kamakalawa, I returned to the mall upang ibalik ang DVD. When the vendors Saw me though, they Ran. The stalls were Gone In Sixty Seconds.

Ipagpatawad Mo mahal na Pangulo. Pangako, From Here to Eternity, ‘di na ako magiging Superbad.

Miss Na Miss Kita. Alam kong miss mo na rin ako. After all, we’re Friends With Benefits. Joooooke!

Hanggang Dito na Lamang at Maraming Salamat,

P.S.
Isikreto mo na lang ‘tong sulat na ‘to. Kung pwede lang, Burn After Reading.

BREAKING NEWS: President Aquino has replied to the letter of Secretary Llamas:

Bro,

Relaks Ka Lang… Sagot Kita.
Walang Iwanan… Peks Man!
Isa lang ang pakiusap ko sa ‘yo, please don’t Drag Me To Hell.

I Love You Man,
Noy
——————————————————————————–
“When you realize you’ve made a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.”
~Dan Heist

Day 9: The Impeachment Trial
Senator-judge Serge Osmeña says the prosecution panel has been really lazy. Tell us something we don’t know.

Vote Now
Please vote for the Prosecution Panel as 1 of the 7 New Wonders of the World. When you watch them kasi you’ll wonder: what the hell is happening? To vote, just key in  PP and send to 23718456 for all networks. Be careful when typing the number. That’s the order of the presentation of evidence.

Quote of the Day
“It seems I’ll be making some people very happy by being absent at the impeachment today. But I hope to get better and attend the trial soon.”
~Senator-judge Miriam Defensor-Santiago

Trivia
To those who do not follow me on Twitter: Last Monday, I tweeted some interesting facts about private prosecutor Joseph Joemer Perez. He was an alumnus of the award-winning ‘90s quiz show Battle of the Brains. Representing UP Diliman, he emerged as champion in 1998. Three years earlier, Joemer and classmate Paulo David Javier, representing San Jose Academy of Navotas won in the high school division.

Joemer was the Valedictorian of UP Law Class 2004. He placed 8th in the bar exams.

Who’s That Girl?
She’s always there. Who’s she?
Tell me your name
you’re lovely
Please tell me your name

Enjoy the rest of the week. Stay safe!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

62 thoughts on “EXCLUSIVE! A LETTER FROM LLAMAS”

  1. Pingback: EXCLUSIVE! A LETTER FROM LLAMAS

  5. Villar – Either he’s got no neck, or needs a new tailor

    Osmena – as knowledgeable on the property market as recto is on impeachment rules.

    Its become as exciting as watching paint dry.

    Public interest going down faster than alicia arroyo can say give me the money, or quicker than the audience leaving an anne curtis concert.

    Rambone & Rambutt KTV bar is offering senators 40% discount – 50% if they come in 60 seconds.

    If a wife is an asset and a mistress a liability then p-noy’s net worth is a zero, and some senators are in big trouble.

    Like

    Reply

  7. sen santiago – ” but i hope to get better and attend the trial soon”
    prosecution team – “aw, f&^#@##g sh#t!”
    defense team – “clap, clap, clap”
    enrile – “here comes the scene stealer”
    tupas – “must think to make her bp shoot up again.”
    estrada – “omg, my exposure will be limited”
    mental cretins – “come on baby, make our day”
    lapid – “why, was she absent?”

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    Reply

  24. darn you are so brilliant. buti nalang ay nakatuklas ako ng blog na patok sakin—-nakakaaliw, may laman, ibang lebel,

    i wish i can have some of your creative juices. amazing.
    paworkshop ka naman, sasali ako. hehe .

    nakakatuwa ka. minsan lang ako matuwa at mataas standards ko hehe. astig astig 🙂 God bless palagi

    Like

    Reply
  27. Pingback: Must see in Tacloban | An Ciudad han Tacloban

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