WELCOME!


THE GOOD NEWS is the world’s 7 billionth baby was born on October 31. The bad news is the person who did the head count died of exhaustion this morning.

The United Nations announced the birth of the world’s 7 billionth baby. Mar Roxas wants a recount.

A Filipina became the mother of the world’s symbolic 7 billionth baby yesterday. Today, Sen. Tito Sotto demanded to see the baby’s birth certificate.

Yahoo! News reported that the United Nations marked October 31 with a series of symbolic 7-billionth babies being born. Baby Danica May Camacho of the Philippines was the first. Take that China!


As I correctly predicted last October 17, the world’s (symbolic) 7 billionth baby will be born in Manila’s Fabella Memorial Hospital. What I failed to predict though was that the event will be sponsored by Goldilocks.

Baby Danica May Camacho was welcomed with a chocolate cake from the United Nations. What an unhealthy start!

Several symbolic 7 billionth babies were welcomed by mothers of different nationalities. Surprisingly, not one of those moms was Nadya Suleman.

This just in: World population will have to remain at 7 billion until experts have decided who the real 7 billionth human is!

Undas 2011
As of 3PM, Tuesday, police put the crowd estimate at the Manila North Cemetery at 1 million 100 thousand (1.1M). So far, everbody has been cooperative to authorities… except for the one million one hundred thousandth person who is demanding a chocolate cake from UN.

At 54 hectares, the Manila North Cemetery is one of the country’s biggest cemeteries. To give you an idea of how huge it is, one side is controlled by the Manila police; the opposite side is controlled by the MILF.

The Philippine National Police says the observance of Undas 2011 is “generally peaceful.” The PNP’s assessment of the peace and order situation this year is generally rehash.

Donations
A week after Malacañang admitted donating 5 million pesos to the MILF, palace officials confirmed reports that the government plans to donate some P31 million in livelihood assistance to the Alex Boncayao Brigade, a breakaway Communist group. Being enemies of the state has never been this rewarding. So if you want to rebel against the government, now is the time.

Abu Sayyaf
Despite the All Saints Day break, the military says it will not stop its offensive against the Abu Sayyaf Group until the terrorists are eliminated. Unfazed, the Abu Sayyaf Group says it will not stop its offensive against the military until it receives donation from Malacañang.

Reports say Malaysian Jemaah Islamiyah leader Zulkipli bin Hir alias Marwan, could have been killed in an airstrike in Indanan, Sulu last Sunday. But the military is still verifying the report, or as Sen. Tito Sotto would say, “Death certificate muna.”

The Ligots
The National Bureau of Investigation failed to locate former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda. But NASA believes the couple landed somewhere in the Pacific.

Former AFP comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda couldn’t be located by the NBI. Apparently, they haven’t checked Marlene Aguilar’s basement.

(Breaking News: The Ligots surfaced Wednesday at the Court of Tax Appeal.)

Charice’ Dad
Charice Pempengco’s father Ricky Pempengco was stabbed to death in San Pedro, Laguna Monday night. The international singing sensation and her mother Raquel are seeking all-out justice while Ricky Pempengco’s relatives have declared an all-out war against them.

Kim & Kris
After only 72 days, reality TV star Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce from her NBA husband, Kris Humphries. Kim made the decision after she discovered that Kris withdrew 5 million from their joint account.
—————————————————————————————-
“Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.”
~ Sam Levenson


Quotes of the Week
“Hindi kami makapaniwala na may kinalaman nga siya, hangga’t hindi napapatunayan, beyond reasonable doubt, na ginawa nga niya ang ibinibintang sa kanya. Hindi pa man naililibing ang isa, isinasangkot naman ang isa pa. Gayunpaman, kung sinuman ang tunay na may kagagawan nito, kahit sino pa siya, dapat siyang managot.”
~Sen. Bong Revilla after the arrest of Ramon Joseph Bautista (Revilla) who was being tagged as the mastermind in the killing of his older brother Ram Revilla last Friday

“They may want to pay their respects to their dead. It is, after all, a tradition…”
~ NBI deputy director for intelligence serviceS, Atty. Ruel Lasala on the Ligots’ failure to surface despite the pending arrest warrants

You Have Spoken
Sa isyu ng 5 milyong pisong “donasyon” ng pamahalaang Aquino sa MILF:
-Pinapa-account naman ng administrasyon kung saan ginastos eh. Malay n’yo sa napag-usapang proyekto naman napunta! 8.67%
-Kalaban ng gobyerno, pinopondohan ng gobyerno ang proyekto? Astig huh! 82.08%
-Aalamin ko muna ang isyu. 9.25%

Have a great week! Merry Christmas!

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

27 thoughts on “WELCOME!”

  1. PH on smartphone (android and iphone/ipad)

    The country has unfortunately scored badly in the rankings of ICT innovation and applications, but for the techies with smartphones.

    Download ‘pulse’ app from the market. Great app and nice design

    Add professionalheckler as news source

    Assign professional heckler as widget.

    Never miss a posting and looks cool on home screen with the photos/graphics.

    Stay connected.

    Like

Say something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s