HERE LIES


IN OBSERVANCE of All Saints Day and All Souls Day 2011, here’s the updated version of my original post titled “Predicted Epitaphs of Political and Entertainment Figures in the Philippines.”

President Aquino: “Ibalato n’yo na lang sa akin ang katiting na privacy kong ito!”

Vice President Jejomar Binay: “Nasa tahimik na lugar. Sana ganito rin sa inyo.”

DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas: “Ramdam ko kayo!”

Cong. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: “Kagagawan ito ng administrasyong Aquino.”

Atty. Mike Arroyo: “Watch list? What watch list? Goodbye!”

Joseph Estrada: “That’s all Polk!”

Cong. Manny Pacquiao: “He had gone to the world and multiplied. Mission accomplished. You know.”

Jinkee Pacquiao: “Ako, Legal Wife.”

Batangas Gov. Vilma Santos: “MALIGAYANG PAGDATING SA AKING PUNTOD: VILMAWOOD!”

Chief Justice Renato Corona: “Petition to extend life has been denied with finality. So ordered.”

Kris Aquino: “And then there was silence.”

Sen. Tito Sotto: “Give me liberty or give me death… certificate.”

Manny V. Pangilinan: “He just lost… one big fight.”

Boy Abunda: “And this is the bottomline!”

Sharon Cuneta: “Looking forward to losing weight.”

Charo Santos: “Maalaala Mo Sana”

Shalani Soledad: “No comment po.”

German Moreno: “Sa wakas, nakatulog rin.”

Cong. Winnie Castelo: “RIP: Winnie Castelo Proponent of the Anti-Death Bill in Congress”

Christopher Lao: “Here lies Chris Lao. For your information.”

Political Adviser Ronald Llamas: “Gun too soon.”
—————————————————————————————————-
“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”
~George Carlin

Donaire Wins
Congratulations to Nonito Donaire! He outclassed Argentine pug Omar Narvaez in a 12-round bout. I mean, sparring session. Boo!

Fans and boxing analysts described the Donaire-Narvaez fight as boring. It would have been a lot more exciting if Donaire fought against Annabelle Rama.

Quote of the Week
“Suwerte ko I’m the original, not the other woman. I love my husband very much. I trust him, because he promised he will not get involved with anyone anymore, after Krista. I will deal with him after the fight.”
~Jinkee Pacquiao (as quoted by Philboxing.com) reacting to rumors that Cong. Manny Pacquiao fathered a child with a culinary student

Have a great week ahead!

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Advertisements

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

41 thoughts on “HERE LIES”

  1. Euphemisms in the jinkee/kat PR spin

    PR spin – lying for money

    Culinary arts student – works at mcdonalds
    ( what is the difference between kat and mcdonalds? – she serves more customers)

    Guest relations officer – hooker

    Congressman – liar and cheat

    I’m the original – old and past it

    I will deal with him after the fight – another handbag and new car. Sex ban doesnt apply. Now i know why

    I trust him – i am stupid

    Legal wife – i have my name on the bank account and the houses

    I love him – i am also greedy, and maybe not that stupid

    I support him – show me the money

    Godfather – damn, i should have used a condom, and will now never get membership of the polo club.

    Boyfriend in dubai – need a better PR company

    Meeting paris hilton – try to show class! Jersey shore cast would be more appropriate

    Like

    1. sa lahat ng tribu sa failipinas, ang ilonggo lang po ang di takot sa mga moklo. sila lang kasi ang:

      kumakain ng anay
      “kaon ta anay!”

      kumain ng tae
      “kaon ta e!”

      at ang pinakamalupit sa lahat……. kumakain ng bala
      “kaon ta bala!”

      and their battle cry goes like this:

      ilonggo strong
      kaon bagoong
      tulog sa gab-i
      otot kabagrong

      Like

      1. nakakalungkot man isipin pero kung mismong sa mga mamamayan ng Pilipinas mo maririnig/mababasa ang mga salitang ganyan, parang di na kailangan ng Pilipinas ng kaaway…

        pabiro man o hindi, para po yatang nasosobrahan na kayo sa ED…

        wag nyo po sanang masamain…

        Like

    1. Susmarroxas! Pwede ba, wag papatulan ang mga ganyang issues?

      do you really think she cares of what you think of her?

      Remember this: she doesn’t deserve the attention you’re giving her. Pag pinatulan mo yan, lalo lang maha-highlight ang issue, sisikat pa ang fotang yan.

      We all have our right to self expression, and so does she. As long as alam mo kung ano ka at ang pagkapinoy mo, issues like these does not really matter..

      Juicemio! Kung tayo tayo ngang mga pinoys eh nagbabangayan din? At marami din sa atin ang akala mo eh perpekto na at over makapanghusga sa kapwa at sa ibang lahi din.

      Stop the hatred. Ano naman ang mahihita mo sa ganyan?

      Just spread the love!

      Like

      1. uuyyy serious mo ngayon etchos, machongmacho
        ang dating..

        nahawa ka yata kay noynoy sa kanyang, ‘no to all out war’
        ‘yes to all out justice’

        sa iyo naman, no to all out hatred, yes to all out love

        so, ano na ngayon, bahala na si batman kung ano ang
        gusto nilang ibato sa atin, sasaluhin na lang natin ng
        walang imik, ganuon…

        Like

      1. foremost, what does that woman bitch dislikes,
        the maid being a filipina or the filipina being a maid….

        whichever and whatever, the issue here is not being
        a filipina maid but how it was delivered, with sarcasm
        i bet, sarap sapakin sa mukha…

        is she even sure that the filipina maid will wear it?
        hindi no, siempre mahiya din yon, hindi bagay sa kanya,
        baka sabihin pa noon sa woman bitch na, isaksak mo
        yan sa baga mo…

        libertas, i suggest you get an interpreter because there
        are just words that can be best appreciated if written in
        tagalog like, isaksak sa baga, that’s not, stab the lung ha,
        this early i’m telling you because your interpreter might
        interprete it that way hahaha ano ba…

        Like

    2. oversensitive and over-reaction, me thinks.
      an old joke to calm you down

      Heaven in Europe is a place where the
      British are the policemen, the French are
      the cooks, the Germans are the engineers,
      the Italians are the lovers and the Swiss
      run the place.
      And hell is where the British are the cooks,
      the French are the engineers, the Germans
      are the policemen, the Swiss are the lovers
      and the Italians run the place.

      Like

  2. Kris aquino – not the first time down under

    The pope – i will write it later

    Atheist – if i was wrong, then i am in big trouble

    Oprah – lets get this paaarteee started

    Death row convict – he bribed, he lied, he was tried, he fried

    Arnie schwarz. – i won’t be back

    P-noy – where are the vestal virgins

    Thomas eddison – who switched off the lights

    Pacquaio – here lies pacquaio – part time congressman, full time babymaker and father of
    Queen elisabeth
    Prince henry
    King arthur
    The knights of the round table
    Princess beatrice
    Duchess daisy
    Lord fontelroy
    Tom
    Dick
    Harry
    ..Continued on other side..

    Korina sanchez – here is the news – am dead

    Ricky caradang – for once i am not lying

    Like

Say something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s