Here are some of the week’s most compelling, moving, provocative, and life-changing tabloid headlines:

Headline: Ayaw makulong nagbigti
> Mas gusto ang death penalty

Headline: Speaker Belmonte: Congressman Jules Ledesma, nagbago na
> Babae na?!? Nooooo!

Headline: Binay bumaba ang satisfaction ratings
> Baka nagkulang sa text blast?

Headline: Llamas, babalatan ni Miriam sa AK-47
> Kailan pa naging prutas si Llamas? I wasn’t informed.

Headline: PNoy, labing-anim ang baril noong senador pa
> Ang pagkakaiba lang, hindi tanga ang bodyguards niya para bumangga sa isang dump truck

Headline: Congressman Roman Romulo ni Shalani, itinanggi ang bading issue
> Eh ‘di bongga!

Headline: Promotor sa paggawa ng pekeng pera sa Recto natimbog
> Pero promotor sa paggawa ng pekeng diploma tuloy ang ligaya

Headline: Osang bilib na bilib sa pagkalalaki ni Ted Failon
> Ang tanong: bilib na bilib kaya siya sa pagkababae mo?

Headline: Disisyete anyos na lalaki tinodas habang naglalaro ng video game
> Seguridad ni Pangulong Aquino, hinigpitan

Headline: Banawe Rice Terraces mabubura sa mapa
> Para namang wala pa akong nakitang mapa na kita ang Banawe Rice Terraces. So paanong mabubura ‘yon?

Headline: Mister na makulit sa kalabit, nakatikim ng tadyak-kabayo kay misis
> Moral of the story, aanhin pa ang damo, kung naninipa naman ang kabayo.

Headline: Kelot na lasing, hindi na nagising
> News item talaga ‘to? Wala nang maibalita?

Headline: Compound ng mayor grinanada
> ‘Granada’ vinerb

Headline: KC Naguguluhan na sa relasyon kay Piolo Pascual
> Kami rin.
“The tabloids are like animals, with their own behavioural patterns. There’s no point in complaining about them, any more than complaining that lions might eat you.”
~David Mellor

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

23 thoughts on “FROM THE TABLOIDS II”



    Actress Angelina Jolie has nothing to fear. Kris Aquino will not take her position away from her.

    But Kris, the presidential sister, was not “offered” the post of ambassadress of goodwill by the United Nations High Commission on Refugees.

    She asked for the position and the Manila office of UNHCR, through its head Bernard Kerblat, decided to give her the post of “honorary patron” of the agency instead.

    Kris has sought the position for some time, our sources say, but it was only recently that Kerblat’s office endorsed the offer to the Geneva head office of UNHCR.

    The informants said the agency has a policy of not turning down anyone who seeks the title if they really want it and if they can prove that they have a genuine desire to do the work of aiding refugees.

    Incidentally, Kerblat, a Frenchman, is married to a Filipina, Victoria Abad Kerblat. Abad-Kerblat, according to her blog, is a biologist by training who worked in refugee camps and who dabbles in art; she hails from the province of Batanes.

    It was embattled presidential adviser for political affairs Ronald Llamas who on Monday reported that the executive committee of the UNHCR in Geneva had appointed Kris as goodwill ambassador.

    Kris confirmed this later on, without mentioning that she was not exactly a goodwill ambassador like Jolie—or that it was she who sought the position


  2. David mellor quote.
    And he would know about the power of the tabloids. Forced to resign. Wouldnt happen here.
    Top politician and ? Future prime minister
    Sex in chelsea shirt!!
    Toe-sucking , ughh
    One of the top 10 sex scandals, but antonia de sanchez was hot. David mellor was not.
    Wouldnt you


      1. it was 20 years ago but you can check on internet.
        maybe he should have worn a manchedter united shirt and been forgiven!

        now there is a parralel with dr liam fox – also was a potential prime minister- resigned friday. bad judgement and a bit too friendly with his best man, despite being married.

        aquino and puno take note


      1. To Mr. Jeproks2002

        If you think it’s not enough that I deleted the said post, and that I have properly given Mr. Landicho what he wanted, wala na akong magagawa dun, it’s your opinion and you’re entitled to that.

        If Mr. Landicho would not accept my apologies, or if his readers do not see the sincerity of my actions upon correcting my mistakes and properly making amends, it’s okay, because I don’t expect Mr. Landicho and the people to accept my apologies if they still have that feeling of disgust to what I did.

        If that’s not manning up to what mess I made, then I don’t know what else should I do. Judge me all you want if it makes you happy. I don’t care anymore.


      2. Whoa! Just a minute. I left a “THANK YOU VERY MUCH” note on your Facebook account after you posted your first apology. Did you hear me say anything after you said sorry? Did i talk about it on my blog after you tweeted me and asked for forgiveness?


        So please.

        I need not announce to the world that i have accepted your apologies because i don’t have to.



  3. seriously, hindi dapat mabura ang rice terraces, one

    of the original seven wonders of the world lang naman,

    mantakin mo yan, dapat talaga masagip siya…

    kung ako ang tourism secretary, una ko itong ipa rehabilitate,

    pagkatapos gawing tourist destination, sigurado maraming

    mga tourists pupunta, one of the seven wonders nga eh…


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