THE GOVERNMENT will spend an additional 72 billion pesos this year for key programs like poverty alleviation & housing, and infrastructure projects to boost the economy. President Aquino calls the 72-billion peso budget a “stimulus package” – or as contractors would say, “Merry Christmas!”

President Aquino has approved the release of a 72-billion peso stimulus package. Of the total figure, some 5.5 billion pesos will be spent by the DPWH for roads, bridges, flood control, and Photoshop seminars.

Unfortunately, the police and the military will not benefit from the stimulus package. To augment its arsenal of weapons though, the President has referred them to Ronald Llamas.

President Aquino has unveiled the needed stimulus for the economy. His next target is to find the needed stimulus for his own package.

On Wednesday, a ‘candid’ President Aquino gamely answered questions from the members of the Foreign Correspondents Association of the Philippines or Focap. When asked about his love life, the President replied, “That is not my priority at this point in time.” To which ‘love life’ replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Marcos Burial
President Aquino has spoken. He has rejected a hero’s burial for the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos. Consider that a dead issue.

President Aquino will not allow a hero’s burial for the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos. Aquino just reminded everyone that he’s the country’s president, not Jejomar Binay.

Rumors say when Imelda Marcos heard about Aquinos’ decision, she rushed to the Marcos mausoleum. In front of her husband’s body, she cried and waxed poetic.

True Marcos Loyalist Movement chairperson Cherry Cobarrubias said, “Marcos is the true icon of democracy for declaring martial law.” She also believes that Snooki Polizzi is the most beautiful woman alive.

Mar & Korina
DOTC Secretary Mar Roxas admitted that he and wife Korina Sanchez “are trying very hard” to have a baby. He refused to elaborate on his stimulus plan.

Before his appointment was finally confirmed Wednesday, DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas was asked by Sen. Panfilo Lacson, “Totoo bang nagdadalang-tao si Korina?” Mar was about to answer when Lacson yelled, “Sasagutin natin ‘yan sa pagbabalik ng ‘The Buzz!’”

Lucky Bank
Four men tried but failed to rob the Masuerte Rural Bank of Bacoor in Cavite Thursday afternoon. The suspects peacefully surrendered to the police after taking hostage the bank’s eight employees and depositors. Moral of the story: Huwag manloloob ng bangkong masuwerte. Mamalasin kayo.

During the hostage crisis, one of the suspects, Johnny Gonzales negotiated their surrender through dzRH’ Deo Macalma. When the hostage crisis was over, Gonzales was thankful and felt extremely lucky that they talked to Deo and not to Erwin Tulfo.

Piolo & KC
Piolo Pascual and KC Concepcion have allegedly called it quits. OMG! Did anyone see that coming! Totally unexpected.
“The trouble with a budget is that it’s hard to fill up one hole without digging another.”
~Dan Bennett

Quote of the Week
“If you just do a little checking, you will see that there is no basis for such an allegation and I’m sorry, I’m also human. I feel kind of insulted when I’m asked to disprove a non-event. And I think any of us given the same situation would also feel that way, why do I have to prove something that did not happen.”
~President Aquino’s response to a journalist who asked if there’s truth to persistent rumors he was playing video games during the Manila hostage crisis last year

You Have Spoken
Sa kontrobersyang kinasangkutan ni Presidential Political Adviser Ronald Llamas:
-‘Wag nang palakihin. Parusahan kung nagkamali ang security aides. Move on. 41.51%
– Dapat siyang mag-resign. 50.94%
– Wala akong pakialam. 7.55%

Enjoy the rest of the week! Ingat!

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Bonus: Your weekly horoscope for October 12-19, 2011!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

22 thoughts on “STIMULUS”

  1. Mr. Heckler,

    I indulged myself and read your old posts.

    I find your old posts, filled with your anecdotes and insights funnier than your current way of writing. (When you link current events with another current events)

    Tawang tawa ako sa mga old hirits na pinagisipan mo and showcasing your creativity, like when you wrote “Asked what Cez Drilon missed the most, during kidnaping days, Drilon answered: Rustans”

    And your insights of “Pag Abs-Cbn, they protect their own, pero kung normal na tao, they won’t.” or mga kulet hirit like “Chiz said he doesn’t want any parties kasi party niya ang Pilipinas.” Tapos isang malaking “WHATEVER CHIZ!”

    Just my two cents. I feel that your own hirits and anecdotes are way funnier than connecting current events, na minsan pilit.

    Love you po. #mehganun?!?!?!


    1. Its a matter of taste, don’t you think?. Any blog is a form of self-expression and has no commercial content. So unless the reader is paying the blogger, the right to determine the content of the blog solely belongs to the blogger. If the reader does not like it, he can always close the blog and go to another one more suitable to his taste. .


  2. Stimulating as always

    Korina said she was not impressed by p-noy’s stimulus package – nor his economic policy.

    Korina also said she and mar are trying hard for a baby – yes, and we all know who mar is trying hard with. Here’s a newsflash korina – it isn’t you.

    FOCAP – videogames and manila hostage crisis!
    Just like it takes some people a while to catch on to the joke, clearly for one ‘journalist’, it takes a while for them to catch up with the news.
    Next week she will be announcing that michael jackson has died.

    Pity they did not ask if a deal has been done with the arroyos. Let them escape the country and file charges 10 days later.
    A sick ex-president in jail on non-bailable charges could be a pr disaster.
    Pnoy will take the humanitarian high ground, and say he has done what he said by bringing the charges.


      1. Ay Senior, habang kaya ko pa, I always say “I love you” to everybody I love; to my parents, sisters, relatives, lovers,….. friends, romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!

        Ayoko na when the time comes na wiz na aketch maka-ispluk, pagsisisihan ko na di ko man lang nasabi sa kanila yun.

        At romantically kong sinabing “I love you” sa kanilang lahat.

        Kaya mo yun?


    1. Bakit ba kasi nangingialam kayo?

      Eh sa gusto ni KC gayahin si Carmina Villaroel, bakit ba?

      Ako nga eh, hinahayaan ko na lang sila, kasi I’m shore, babalik at babalik din sa akin si fafa Piolo ……. pag natapos na nila ang kanilang pagsi-share with each other ………ng mga make-up tips and how to maintain glowing skin!


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