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STIMULUS

13 10 2011

THE GOVERNMENT will spend an additional 72 billion pesos this year for key programs like poverty alleviation & housing, and infrastructure projects to boost the economy. President Aquino calls the 72-billion peso budget a “stimulus package” – or as contractors would say, “Merry Christmas!”

President Aquino has approved the release of a 72-billion peso stimulus package. Of the total figure, some 5.5 billion pesos will be spent by the DPWH for roads, bridges, flood control, and Photoshop seminars.

Unfortunately, the police and the military will not benefit from the stimulus package. To augment its arsenal of weapons though, the President has referred them to Ronald Llamas.

President Aquino has unveiled the needed stimulus for the economy. His next target is to find the needed stimulus for his own package.

FOCAP Forum
On Wednesday, a ‘candid’ President Aquino gamely answered questions from the members of the Foreign Correspondents Association of the Philippines or Focap. When asked about his love life, the President replied, “That is not my priority at this point in time.” To which ‘love life’ replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Marcos Burial
President Aquino has spoken. He has rejected a hero’s burial for the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos. Consider that a dead issue.

President Aquino will not allow a hero’s burial for the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos. Aquino just reminded everyone that he’s the country’s president, not Jejomar Binay.

Rumors say when Imelda Marcos heard about Aquinos’ decision, she rushed to the Marcos mausoleum. In front of her husband’s body, she cried and waxed poetic.

True Marcos Loyalist Movement chairperson Cherry Cobarrubias said, “Marcos is the true icon of democracy for declaring martial law.” She also believes that Snooki Polizzi is the most beautiful woman alive.

Mar & Korina
DOTC Secretary Mar Roxas admitted that he and wife Korina Sanchez “are trying very hard” to have a baby. He refused to elaborate on his stimulus plan.

Before his appointment was finally confirmed Wednesday, DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas was asked by Sen. Panfilo Lacson, “Totoo bang nagdadalang-tao si Korina?” Mar was about to answer when Lacson yelled, “Sasagutin natin ‘yan sa pagbabalik ng ‘The Buzz!’”

Lucky Bank
Four men tried but failed to rob the Masuerte Rural Bank of Bacoor in Cavite Thursday afternoon. The suspects peacefully surrendered to the police after taking hostage the bank’s eight employees and depositors. Moral of the story: Huwag manloloob ng bangkong masuwerte. Mamalasin kayo.

During the hostage crisis, one of the suspects, Johnny Gonzales negotiated their surrender through dzRH’ Deo Macalma. When the hostage crisis was over, Gonzales was thankful and felt extremely lucky that they talked to Deo and not to Erwin Tulfo.

Piolo & KC
Piolo Pascual and KC Concepcion have allegedly called it quits. OMG! Did anyone see that coming! Totally unexpected.
————————————————————————————————————————–
“The trouble with a budget is that it’s hard to fill up one hole without digging another.”
~Dan Bennett

Quote of the Week
“If you just do a little checking, you will see that there is no basis for such an allegation and I’m sorry, I’m also human. I feel kind of insulted when I’m asked to disprove a non-event. And I think any of us given the same situation would also feel that way, why do I have to prove something that did not happen.”
~President Aquino’s response to a journalist who asked if there’s truth to persistent rumors he was playing video games during the Manila hostage crisis last year

You Have Spoken
Sa kontrobersyang kinasangkutan ni Presidential Political Adviser Ronald Llamas:
-‘Wag nang palakihin. Parusahan kung nagkamali ang security aides. Move on. 41.51%
– Dapat siyang mag-resign. 50.94%
– Wala akong pakialam. 7.55%

Enjoy the rest of the week! Ingat!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Bonus: Your weekly horoscope for October 12-19, 2011!

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22 responses

13 10 2011
jessagozu@gmail.com

Mr. Heckler,

I indulged myself and read your old posts.

I find your old posts, filled with your anecdotes and insights funnier than your current way of writing. (When you link current events with another current events)

Tawang tawa ako sa mga old hirits na pinagisipan mo and showcasing your creativity, like when you wrote “Asked what Cez Drilon missed the most, during kidnaping days, Drilon answered: Rustans”

And your insights of “Pag Abs-Cbn, they protect their own, pero kung normal na tao, they won’t.” or mga kulet hirit like “Chiz said he doesn’t want any parties kasi party niya ang Pilipinas.” Tapos isang malaking “WHATEVER CHIZ!”

Just my two cents. I feel that your own hirits and anecdotes are way funnier than connecting current events, na minsan pilit.

Love you po. #mehganun?!?!?!

Like

15 10 2011
Paul

Its a matter of taste, don’t you think?. Any blog is a form of self-expression and has no commercial content. So unless the reader is paying the blogger, the right to determine the content of the blog solely belongs to the blogger. If the reader does not like it, he can always close the blog and go to another one more suitable to his taste. .

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17 10 2011
senior60

hahaha ang taray…

Like

13 10 2011
Iya Santos

Haha. Si Sam nga daw ang reason sa breakup. I was like, si Sam na uli and Piolo?

Ewan. I like Piolo and I like KC. But they absolutely look so fake together.

Like

16 10 2011
Iya Kin

Huhuhuhuhu!

I also like Piolo and I also like KC. Nuff said!

Huhuhuhuhu!

Like

13 10 2011
Anonymous

NIce one! you hit it right on the nail regarding the marcos burial…

Like

13 10 2011
Cherrylyne Golingho

Nice one! You hit it right in the head regarding the marcos burial…

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13 10 2011
libertas

Stimulating as always

Korina said she was not impressed by p-noy’s stimulus package – nor his economic policy.

Korina also said she and mar are trying hard for a baby – yes, and we all know who mar is trying hard with. Here’s a newsflash korina – it isn’t you.

FOCAP – videogames and manila hostage crisis!
Just like it takes some people a while to catch on to the joke, clearly for one ‘journalist’, it takes a while for them to catch up with the news.
Next week she will be announcing that michael jackson has died.

Pity they did not ask if a deal has been done with the arroyos. Let them escape the country and file charges 10 days later.
A sick ex-president in jail on non-bailable charges could be a pr disaster.
Pnoy will take the humanitarian high ground, and say he has done what he said by bringing the charges.

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13 10 2011
effortless

yo! first?

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14 10 2011
jeproks2002

i would not mind giving the Marcoses a hero’s burial and be interred at the libingan ng mga bayani. basta ba imelda, bongbong, imee and irene and the Marcoses would answer yes when asked “kuyog mo sa lubong?”

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16 10 2011
etchosera

Who will ask?

For sure, not me. Care ko ba jan sa mga libing libing na yan!

Hmmmp!

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20 10 2011
eddibumangon

etchos, you are in denial…if i know lagi kang may binabaon, este inililibing. 🙂

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23 10 2011
etchosera

Naku naman Koya Eddi, binubuhay ko naman muna yun…. bago ilibing!

Bwahahahahaha!

Juicemio! prim and proper pa ako sa lagay na yan, ha?

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14 10 2011
libertas

FOCAP
Even they are resigned to no FoI bill.
Not one question asked.
If they had asked aquino would have replied ‘ there is no need – you can trust me, i’m a cojuangco’

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15 10 2011
senior60

mister heckler, nabasa ko ang post mong ito, ‘ when was the
last time you told someone ” i love you ” romantically. ”

how about you mister heckler, may panahon ka pa ba?
kailangan mag-asawa ka dahil sayang genes kung hindi…

Like

16 10 2011
etchosera

bakit ba kasi pati ya n eh pinakikialaman?

kelan pa ba naging requirement ang pag-aasawa sa pagbibigay ng aliw sa libo libong mambabasa ng blog na itetch?

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18 10 2011
senior60

o sige na nga, ikaw na lang ang tatanungin ko sa

itinatanong ko kay mister heckler, sana, maayos ,

i mean, serious ang sagot mo ha for the benefit of

one and all

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18 10 2011
etchosera

Ay Senior, habang kaya ko pa, I always say “I love you” to everybody I love; to my parents, sisters, relatives, lovers,….. friends, romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!

Ayoko na when the time comes na wiz na aketch maka-ispluk, pagsisisihan ko na di ko man lang nasabi sa kanila yun.

At romantically kong sinabing “I love you” sa kanilang lahat.

Kaya mo yun?

Like

15 10 2011
senior60

nag-iba na ang facial expression ni noynoy, at parang

tumanda na sya, wala lang…

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15 10 2011
Vicky

Ay naku, if I were Mar (thank goodness I am not) medyo i would have to try very hard nga no? I mean Korina? Trial talaga yun for any man….

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16 10 2011
Jim Jones

Piolo and KC’s relationship is a farce and fraud. San ka makakakita ng bf who shared his award with another man not with his gf?

KC must be either a fool or naive to think Piolo is a straight guy.

Like

17 10 2011
etchosera

Bakit ba kasi nangingialam kayo?

Eh sa gusto ni KC gayahin si Carmina Villaroel, bakit ba?

Ako nga eh, hinahayaan ko na lang sila, kasi I’m shore, babalik at babalik din sa akin si fafa Piolo ……. pag natapos na nila ang kanilang pagsi-share with each other ………ng mga make-up tips and how to maintain glowing skin!

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